1. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    whole part of the forum is a joke....right? Positive feelings and motivational messages are bullshit. mere lip service when you are in the depths of your own hell. What words are going to pull me back up that I haven't tried telling myself already. When the fake wishes of well being and the only thing you are positive about is that you must die...what pretty painted from Gods lips to my ears words can you offer? Empty words of things will get better? I understand? Can you offer words of guarantee? Can you offer the words that will shut out all the shit in my head that has been there for years? Can you offer the words that will erase the pains of the past? Can your words do for me what the deluge of meds I take are supposed to be doing? What postive words can you offer that will remove the self inflicted scars that run from my elbow to my wrist on my arms? What have you got that can motivate me to live more than the motivation that the thoughts of suicide offer me? What in all honesty can you offer? Well, go on, spill them..... cat got your tongue?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    hun your back and i do care for you so much. You say it as it is hun and no no one can undue the pain the harm but my words are not just lip service hun
    I CARE ABOUT YOU and i know that it is dam hard staying here but you are hun you are here and i for one am so grateful hugs to you
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 19, 2012
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Hi -

    Its a good question. We are all different, but for me, what I take from SF is knowing a) I'm not alone even though I can feel like it, b) Others can understand some of what we as individuals are experiencing because they have been or are going through similar, c) That there is somewhere to let stuff out and an anonymous site like this is a good outlet for that, d) There is hope with others having come through the other side or at the very least living better than they previously thought possible.

    Finally, it reminds me that there are so many others hurting in so many different ways. This makes me sad but also helps me in an odd way so that I don't remain in my own selfish misery feeling sorry for myself. This is only what I feel, we all take different things from a site such as this.

    Words can feel empty, sometimes no matter what others say, I feel their words are just empty words with no substance behind them. But when we are in bad places it is difficult for us to absorb anything and/or to see things in a positive light.

    There are no guarantees that anyone can offer unfortunately, I for one wish there were. None of us can change our past, erase it or forget it. Again, I wish we could.

    So many people here do honestly care about others. And I can say that for sure because many have been there for me, through all my sh!t, since I joined and specifically in the last few hellish months. For someone to take the time to message me or respond to a post says more to me sometimes than their words.

    Please take care.

    Edit to add - and you were helpful to me when I joined, so thank you for that too.
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I understand how this can be frustrating, as the concept of being positive seems to be completely foreign to me now. But it's good to see that people get through rough times and come out on top...I honestly hope that everyone here will be able to find something that will make life worth living. I'm sorry to hear of your troubles, but please don't give up, and please keep reaching out, because we are more than happy to help with anything. :hug:
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hugs toyou hun you are one of the postive people that have help me and so many others If i did not meet you and others here i would be so alone hun hugs to you all i can offer you hun is someone that will listen when you need to talk someone who does care and no i cannot take t hose scars away hun but i can help you to not inflict anymore ok hugs
  6. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    No, it is not a joke; positive feelings and motivational words or quotes are just that: to give people the motivation and positive feelings so that they can continue in their lives when things are at their toughest. It is all based on psychology - When someone thinks badly of themselves, they find it next to impossible to think of such things as being anything but a bad joke and when someone thinks good of themselves, they fail to see how anything negative can have too big of an impact. The way you are now, it is not surprising hat you would think everything is cruel, but give it some time and your thoughts will be reversed and you see how well such a thing as a kind word or moving quote will spur you into action, much like they have done in the past.
  7. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm not someone new to the pain of suicide, been suffering it for over 20 years. I have been diagnosed as a chronic suicidal with several other mental and physical health issues. Nor am I'm someone new to this site. I joined over 5 years ago. But I haven't been active here for over a year now because too many people have hurt me deeply. Promises of "being there" and "will never hurt you" broken too easily by members that "know what you're going through". And I'm not someone new to this world, I'm about to turn 49.

    Do you have any idea how it is to wake up and go to bed trying desperately each day to fight the thoughts and urges to kill yourself? This isn't a "hey this is a tough spot I can't seem to break away from" deal. It's a "hey everyday all I have is the promise of suicide to help me out of all this mess" scenario. You wouldn't believe me if I told you how many attempts I have had in the last 20 years. Several soooo close to being successful and unfortunately too many that I survived.

    Do you know how much a failure you feel when you come to sites like this only to find confirmation of how unimportant you and your problems are?

    The way you are now, it is not surprising hat you would think everything is cruel, but give it some time and your thoughts will be reversed and you see how well such a thing as a kind word or moving quote will spur you into action, much like they have done in the past.

    And how fitting...I had a long, thought felt reply typed out. But above is all that was saved despite me copying it and the auto save in editting here. Went to post it, but get bumped to re-login. Although I know for certain I was because I saw the announcement of 4 existing unanswered PMs. Positive????? Positive that I'm really not meant to be here, that I don't deserve the chance to say as I need or feel, that I have my suicide thoughts and urges and they never stop me from expressing to them what I wish the rest of the world would stop and earnestly listen to. Fcuk all this, this positive help and bullsiht of the hope it holds. Hope is what dreams are made of. Reality is my suicidal thoughts and urges. They never offer anything less substancial than the truth!
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are still so very vulnerable hun so fragile you do not see the care that is here hun Reality is you are ill with sadness and pain reality sucks so much for many of us hun but reality also is you have people here that give a dam about you hold on to the ones that do care hun and let go of the ones that harm HELL hun i know that pain i have been kicked off other forums because i was not good enough for them i understand ok but noone is asking you to be anything then what you are hun Hugs to you
  9. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    You are in control of your actions. Whether you choose to act on thoughts and urges or not is entirely down to you. No-one forces you to make the choices you make, do the things you do, say the things you say, or be the way you are.

    At the age of 49 - being so judgemental as to say what you have said about this particular section of a forum, which does state in its rules, that it is a peer to peer pro-life site, do you not think you may have been a bit too hasty to say that? I mean - a pro-life forum, having a positive feeling/motivational message sub-forum, doesn't sound so joke-like to me when the basis of the site is to encourage people to think twice maybe about any severe actions that if succeeded on cannot be undone.

    Yes ok, so in your eyes and your opinion, you feel it's just lip service - you've put trust in people to have it broken, you've been made promises that have been broken, and over a course of time it can wear down the majority of people, but how would you know for certain that you've heard every single positive thing or motivational message out there? 49 years is a long time frame, I know. But on a for example going the other way - my dad was 52 when he went from being full of life into a nervously anxious quivering wreck with thoughts on hurting his own children... - and if someone can go that way at 52 years old - what's to say that you would never reverse that?

    It is all down to you and how you are. I'm not judging you for having an opinion - i'm just mystified at how you can think this section is a joke on a pro-life site.

    If I strip this bit by bit...

    Firstly, any forum content that is typed into a messageboard such as this one, is done by a human being. Therefore how can you be certain that it's a fake well wishing?

    Secondly, the only guarantee in life is death, which isn't positive - it's the only certainty that I know of. Senses can be lost, all kinds of diseases affecting all muscle/bone/cells in the human/animal/plant world, Some find learning easier than others, Some barely know how to read and write.

    Thirdly, will things get better? I'm more a believer of life being what you make of it. If you set out with such a negative attitude and outlook, is anything positive really going to work?

    Fourth, Can I offer words that can clear the shit in your head or the pains of the past? No. All I can do is suggest that perhaps a different outlook with less emphasis on the 'shit in your head' or 'pains of your past', might be an avenue that you could get into if you really want to give it everything that you have left.

    Finally, The self-inflicted scars come from your own choice of actions. No one else forced you to do that. The thoughts of suicide are ironically an easy way out. People who do end up taking their lives don't always think about the potential effect on others clearly, can't handle the overload of problems so instead of finding solutions to minimal problems that total up to the bigger picture they think they'd be better off going via that path. Is that all you can offer yourself? It's not for anyone else to decide.

    I'm not going to pretend that I know it all. Far from it. And as I'm a fair bit younger than yourself, you'd probably wonder what the hell would someone young enough to be a son of yours actually know. Saving 2 people from going through the barrier says to me that although i'm still quite young, for those who wish to try to do something I can actually be of some use. Those who have an arrogant nature about them (ie, those who claim to have tried everything), are not kidding me, they are lying to themselves. No-one knows everything. No-one tries everything. No-one lives long enough to do so.