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Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by The_Discarded, Dec 6, 2010.

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  1. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    this shit doesn't go away

    it leaves for a minute then as soon as i get a little overwhelmed it just climbs back up from wherever it's hiding and rips me apart again. makes its home in my sleep again. threatens to sand me to nothing again.

    everything is heavy now and i just need to feel like something understands. i can't touch base because i can't find one. i can't find anything solid and i can't even trust myself for stability. this decade of going insane inside of myself is getting old and feeling far removed from everything has already gotten

    i don't want to re-experience it over and over again years later because i'm pretty sure those fucking years of heavy hands and body parts all over what was mine were enough. it was mine and it's not mine anymore and hasn't been mine since and i just keep passing it along to people i can't make eye contact with who know nothing about me despite being all the way in me all the fucking time because being taken feels like home.

    it will never be mine again. nothing was ever home.

    waking up is hell and closing my eyes is even worse and i'm sorry all i'm doing is complaining
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I truly understand having been horrifically raped and abused as a child for 13 yrs...after much work, and wise guidance, it does not take up all my waking moments...it is always there, but it is not fore ground all the time...I can say that sometimes, I am a truer me and I feel so different when I can be in the world like that...please PM me if I can be of help in anyway...big hugs, J
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