This'll be a horrid New Year's...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Untouchable, Dec 30, 2010.

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  1. Untouchable

    Untouchable Well-Known Member

    I'll be spending it with my dad, his wife who keeps wishing I wasn't even born (at least she said so in the letters my mom found that she had written to my father long way back- strangely, my father doesn't seem to mind), her two daughters -the one who's 16 looks at me as if I'm garbage and sleeps with a different guy ever 2 weeks, and the one who's 23 thinks she's America's next top model and 90% of my dad's salary probably goes to her expensive outfits (she has more clothes than I will ever have in probably another 50 years),

    And let's not forget my dear step brother, who's about 18 now, and who continuously tried to get into my pants but no - of course my father wouldn't hear a word about it and came into the conclusion that it must be one of my so many made up stories, because "Jordan is not that type of guy. He's really flirtarious but he couldn't do that to his own sister." HELLO, we're not even related.

    Then after all the accusations, I had to get into a fight with Claire (the 16 year old "step-sister") who of course defended her brother, and said things like "You wish someone as cute as my brother would want to do you." Oh, sure, I just pitty his girlfriend, whoever she is, because it'll probably take her a while to find out that her loving boyfriend is sleeping around (it runs in the family) and forcing himself onto his supposed 'step sister'.

    I don't understand what the hell my father saw in that woman. Or how any father who's supposed to love his biological child could simply ignore the fact that his new wife wishes his child were dead. Just for one second, I would love for them to be in my shoes, feel abused, emotionally and physically, unwanted, shattered, hopeless...But even then, I doubt they'd understand.

    How am I supposed to endure this tomorrow? How am I supposed to endure this the year ahead? It seems so much easier to die. Yet I can't do it. I can't do it because of my friend, because I've promised, because she needs me. I wish I didn't have to care so much about other people so that I could just quietly...go. Just go.

    I so badly wish I at least had a boyfriend to spend New years eve with...But that'll never happen. Relationships are for the fortunate ones. And that I'm not for not. I doubt any guy would want to be with me anyway, regardless of what I have to offer...which is so much my heart could burst. *sigh* Oh well, sometimes, it's enough to dream...
  2. Well-Known Member

    I'll be home alone tomorrow.
  3. LogDork

    LogDork Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    me too
  4. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    same here
  5. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    is there any way to not go and instead choose to spend the night fussing over yourself. whatever makes you happy, a good movie, time with or on the phone with a good friend, a nice meal out. you deserve better. i'm sorry your step brother tried to abuse you. i believe you and wish i could take away that memory from you. are you getting any counselling to deal with the aftermath? thinking of you...
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Gretchen. Your step mother and her children sure sound like a bunch of jerks. I'm sorry your dad had to marry her. Maybe it would be better if you would just stay home away from them or stay in your room until they are gone? Please don't give up and don't think about death. If you commit suicide, then those losers will win. Don't give them that satisfaction. :hug:
  7. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Hi Gretchen, your story reminds me of Cinderella. Soon you will be o,d enough to move out of there. You'll find someone who will love you more than anything in the world, and you can build your own family, and forget about your present situation. This year is new and fresh, and things will look up and you might have better things happen to you. Concentrate on improving your circumstances, so that you will be out of there soon. Focus on your future, it can only get better. Remember Cinderella, she got her Prince, and that can change everything, (well with a good education too, and a career that you might enjoy).
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