I'll be spending it with my dad, his wife who keeps wishing I wasn't even born (at least she said so in the letters my mom found that she had written to my father long way back- strangely, my father doesn't seem to mind), her two daughters -the one who's 16 looks at me as if I'm garbage and sleeps with a different guy ever 2 weeks, and the one who's 23 thinks she's America's next top model and 90% of my dad's salary probably goes to her expensive outfits (she has more clothes than I will ever have in probably another 50 years),
And let's not forget my dear step brother, who's about 18 now, and who continuously tried to get into my pants but no - of course my father wouldn't hear a word about it and came into the conclusion that it must be one of my so many made up stories, because "Jordan is not that type of guy. He's really flirtarious but he couldn't do that to his own sister." HELLO, we're not even related.
Then after all the accusations, I had to get into a fight with Claire (the 16 year old "step-sister") who of course defended her brother, and said things like "You wish someone as cute as my brother would want to do you." Oh, sure, I just pitty his girlfriend, whoever she is, because it'll probably take her a while to find out that her loving boyfriend is sleeping around (it runs in the family) and forcing himself onto his supposed 'step sister'.
I don't understand what the hell my father saw in that woman. Or how any father who's supposed to love his biological child could simply ignore the fact that his new wife wishes his child were dead. Just for one second, I would love for them to be in my shoes, feel abused, emotionally and physically, unwanted, shattered, hopeless...But even then, I doubt they'd understand.
How am I supposed to endure this tomorrow? How am I supposed to endure this the year ahead? It seems so much easier to die. Yet I can't do it. I can't do it because of my friend, because I've promised, because she needs me. I wish I didn't have to care so much about other people so that I could just quietly...go. Just go.
I so badly wish I at least had a boyfriend to spend New years eve with...But that'll never happen. Relationships are for the fortunate ones. And that I'm not for not. I doubt any guy would want to be with me anyway, regardless of what I have to offer...which is so much my heart could burst. *sigh* Oh well, sometimes, it's enough to dream...
And let's not forget my dear step brother, who's about 18 now, and who continuously tried to get into my pants but no - of course my father wouldn't hear a word about it and came into the conclusion that it must be one of my so many made up stories, because "Jordan is not that type of guy. He's really flirtarious but he couldn't do that to his own sister." HELLO, we're not even related.
Then after all the accusations, I had to get into a fight with Claire (the 16 year old "step-sister") who of course defended her brother, and said things like "You wish someone as cute as my brother would want to do you." Oh, sure, I just pitty his girlfriend, whoever she is, because it'll probably take her a while to find out that her loving boyfriend is sleeping around (it runs in the family) and forcing himself onto his supposed 'step sister'.
I don't understand what the hell my father saw in that woman. Or how any father who's supposed to love his biological child could simply ignore the fact that his new wife wishes his child were dead. Just for one second, I would love for them to be in my shoes, feel abused, emotionally and physically, unwanted, shattered, hopeless...But even then, I doubt they'd understand.
How am I supposed to endure this tomorrow? How am I supposed to endure this the year ahead? It seems so much easier to die. Yet I can't do it. I can't do it because of my friend, because I've promised, because she needs me. I wish I didn't have to care so much about other people so that I could just quietly...go. Just go.
I so badly wish I at least had a boyfriend to spend New years eve with...But that'll never happen. Relationships are for the fortunate ones. And that I'm not for not. I doubt any guy would want to be with me anyway, regardless of what I have to offer...which is so much my heart could burst. *sigh* Oh well, sometimes, it's enough to dream...