Those feelings are back again.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by foolnomore, Feb 14, 2012.

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  1. foolnomore

    foolnomore Well-Known Member

    Have been picking myself up in the last few months and have started CBT a couple ofweeks ago but for the last few days have felt down and last night had very strong suicidal urges that are still there today.The future has actually been looking good but as always happens nothing comes easy for me and I seem to have hit an unsurmountable problem and I just can't face anymore ,I've had enough .
     
  2. Pennylane-

    Pennylane- New Member

    Hi Johnnie,

    An optimistic doctor once said to me, when advising me against medication a l-o-n-g time ago, 'You're problems are real, and very few real problems are insurmountable.'

    Maybe a problem shared could be a problem halved? I'm sure in real life outside of this board it would be very difficult to talk about, but here? In this world?

    Maybe I could help? I couldn't certainly listen (or read i guess) from an objective view point.

    If not me then someone else here? Penny x
     
  3. foolnomore

    foolnomore Well-Known Member

    Thank you Pennylane. i think if i sort out todays major problem (I doubt I can though) there will be another to take its place tomorrow. It would be nice just for once not to have complications always cropping up.Yesterday was difficult but today I am at that stage when i am not feeling anything,don't care whether I live or die ,I would like today to just pass without it throwing anymore trouble my way but I am not sure it will.I know nobody has an easy life even even those who appear to have it all aare not totally free of problems ,but, it seems some of us no matter how hard we try have a harder time than others .I did think at last things were going to run smoothly but no such luck so I am resigned to the fact I am never going to have a life free from complications.
     
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: What happened?

    And I know what you mean. Seems like you finish fighting one battle, and there's another one, ready and waiting.
     
  5. maths

    maths Well-Known Member

    I can certainly relate. Just when I think I'm picking myself up, something comes along to knock me down and I break into pieces. I also tried CBT, but maybe couldn't stick to it well enough: I never did really see any results. I think I never was really honest with the therapist, though, so that probably didn't help.

    I guess no one's life is free from complications. It would, however, be nice to be able to deal with complications without falling into a pit of despair.
     
  6. foolnomore

    foolnomore Well-Known Member

    The therapy is going ok,the problem is wild cherry The solicitor says the money my two sons have inherited can't be put into my account but neither of them have accounts ,one maybe able to get one if he can find some ID that the bank will accept but he doesn't want one and would only open if he can find a way to do that so he can transfer the money into my account. The alcoholic son can't get a bank account and he doesn't want access to the money because he knows he will spend it on drink! So we don't know what to do ,it is all so bloody complicated, I am happy to have the money in my account and give them some when they require it ,they are not just happy for me to do that but it is what they want but the law says can't be done! I despair
     
  7. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    If your one son can get an account, shouldn't he then be able to transfer the money to your account so you can manage it?
     
  8. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    If what WildCherry has suggested doesn't work, perhaps you could ask the lawyer about setting up a trust fund for your sons with you as the trustee and they as the beneficiaries. The lawyer might need to speak with all three of you to arrange the terms of such a trust fund.
     
  9. foolnomore

    foolnomore Well-Known Member

    Keep trying to think positive thoughts but it is not happening. All i think is that it would be better for everyone if I were dead.
     
  10. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    No, that wouldn't be better, for anyone!!! You have a good chance at happiness right now, and I really think it'll happen for you. Nothing ever seems to be easy, and I know that's frustrating beyond words. But you can get through this! You're within reach of some of your dreams coming true, and that's worth holding on for. And holding onto when you need something to keep you going.
     
  11. foolnomore

    foolnomore Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean but I am not convincing myself.I think for one son there is a tiny possibility that he can get an account but the other one has no chance whatsoever. Why is everything such a mess- I can answer that myself - because I am so bloody hopeless,I can't do anything right
     
  12. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Johnnie, you are not hopeless, this is not your fault. Snags like this happen to a lot of people. You have the right ideas to fix this situation, so give yourself time to put the idea into action.
     
  13. foolnomore

    foolnomore Well-Known Member

    If I had done a better job of raising them they would both have had bank accounts and the one would not be an alcoholic so it is all down to me.
     
  14. foolnomore

    foolnomore Well-Known Member

    I managed to do one of this weeks CBT tasks today but I don't feel any better for doing it.
     
  15. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    The one who is alcoholic is the one responsible for swallowing the drinks, not you. The other one might be able to open a bank account and it's not your fault if he doesn't/can't. Really.

    Hope you can agree you are not at fault in this. :hug:
     
  16. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    No, it isn't down to you. You did the best you could, but when we become adults, we make our own choices. And sometimes they're the wrong ones. But it isn't your fault. I know lots of people who were raised well and have loving parents, yet just made lots of wrong choices. It happens.
     
  17. foolnomore

    foolnomore Well-Known Member

    Logic tells me you are right Acy but my mind is not accepting logic at the moment. My son drinks for a reason and I must have been resp[onsible for that because he started in his early teens and he is now in his mid thirties. Something made him want to drink back then and it wasn't seeing family drink because only my father did and then it was about two or three pints per year ! Something prompted him to drink and keeps him drinking< his breakfast is a beer these days. My other son well something has caused him not to like officialdom ,he is not dishonest and has nothing to hide but he will avoid anything that smacks of beauracracy or red tape and banks most of all. I know he did have a bad experience with a bank in the past,when he finished university he had a n overdraft and instead of letting him pay it off the stopped every penny that went into the bank which left him with nothing to live on!
     
  18. foolnomore

    foolnomore Well-Known Member

    Another day and still the feelings linger. Everything seems so hopeless and logic is not working at all.
     
  19. foolnomore

    foolnomore Well-Known Member

    Still feeling down and despairing but there is some anger creeping in there as well so that is a good sign - I suppose
     
  20. foolnomore

    foolnomore Well-Known Member

    Not sure how I feel today, still having suicidal thoughts but don't think I am going to act on them today, it is still early so that could change before nighttime,it depends on what the day brings,one more complication could just tip the balance.
     
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