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Those little, meaningless things that mean a lot and are so meaningful

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AbsoluteRelativity, May 12, 2013.

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  1. I was at a party with my girlfriend tonight, everybody was dancing as you may suppose. She tried to teach me how to as I don't really know how to dance.

    I know dancing at that type of events, specially those with friends and family is very important to her (by the way, I'll try to keep this short or I'll end up narrating my entire, crappy life). Her ex boyfriend -who is very important to her, although she denies it- always danced with her and a dog would be a better companion than me.

    Anyway, I told her she could dance with anyone, not just with me. It really hurt to say it to her, but I felt so bad that I needed to say it. You probably know I'd die if she danced with another guy, I'm a DEADLY jealous guy...

    Her words were like a taste of heaven to me "Don't worry, I only want to dance with you. Not anyone else", and as always, I just believed her...

    So, I was already depressed because of knowing she was know for dancing with her ex boyfriend and then... BAM! Some guy asked her out. She turned to me and the only thing that I could say was "Of course!".

    She went out with him and, god, they danced so nicely... She was laughing and smiling... I was shattered from the inside, I felt like if a bomb inside a crystal cube exploded launching a billion needles into my chest.

    I really feel she doesn't deserve my trust anymore, she always betrays me and there are always a lot of reasons to start crying. To remember something she did, to see her doing something I didn't want her to do, etc...

    ANYWAY, the reason I wrote all that is to say that sometimes those little, meaningless things (I mean, c'mon it was just a 60 second dance with another guy) can bring you down for weeks, and just remembering them is like going to hell and staying there an eternity.

    >tl;dr Crappy guy dies from the inside about meaningless crap. Write about meaningless meaningful things that make you wander into the suicide vast land.
  2. katrina77

    katrina77 Guest

    To be honest, I don't understand your thinking. From your description, your girlfriend was perfectly happy dancing with you and enjoying your company. Then you practically insist she dance with someone else, and when she does, you feel she has betrayed you? Come on.

    And if she is dancing with someone else, then of course she is going to be polite and smile and laugh. What should she do, spit in his face?

    I think without realizing it, you are betraying her. You're not being honest with her. If it bothers you if she dances with someone else, then for heaven's sake, tell her. Tell her that you're a bit insecure about your own dancing skills, but that you enjoy spending that time with her. And if she does dance with someone else to be polite, get over the jealousy bit. That's the quickest way to drive someone else away, by being overly controlling or possessive.

    I think some counseling may be helpful to help you past your insecurities. Any relationship that you can't be honest in, is not going to work out. You may need help to get to the point where you are secure enough to have a healthy positive relationship.
  3. I felt betrayed because she promised no to dance with somebody else and the soon the oportunity arised, first thing she did. I only told her she could do it once and I'm sure she felt how I felt about the idea...

    The post was very short, but I always try to tell her all of my insecurities and that sort of thing. I did get over the jealously, didn't make a fight over it or anything.

    Anyway, I guess you're right. I'm so stupid and dumb. She is pretended by a lot of guys and I think I can get her to myself? It's so proved that I can't, no matter how hard I try.

    Therapy nor psicological threatment will help, been in therapy lots of time and they eventually deside I'm not worth the time.

    Thanks for the input Karina, I'll try not to feel anything the next time something stupid tries to get me sad. I guess. I don't know, I don't care. Anybody is free to do whatever they want.
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