Those suffering from depression/low self esteem how often do you go out to bars/clubs

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Aurora Gory Alice, Apr 3, 2010.

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  1. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I am just wondering because up until recently it was fairly often (maybe once a week), but on Thursday I went out and it was the worst experience of my life.
    I know I am overweight but I have never had a night out like this, I could see guys wanting to talk to my friend but they were in a pair so they would look at me and decide against it. because obviously it meant one of them would have to take one for the team and speak to me.
    My friend said it was all in my head but I'm not stupid and I know it wasn't. When it's happening to you it's easier to see.

    I suppose it's different for those who aren't single and whose friends aren't trying to pick up guys/girls, but mine generally all go out to get attention, and I only really currently have two (two friends that I see regularly) and both are like this.

    I won't be going out again for quite a while, unless it's a special occasion. That night has really sent me further downhill that I could've thought and I'm hanging on by a thread right now. But of course... I can't tell them because they won't understand.
    I don't know how it is to be slim and beautiful, have guys fawning all over you when you go out, but what I do know is I am sick of people telling me it's all in my head, because it isn't.
    I almost wish I didn't have friends because then I wouldn't have to deal with this or be expected to even go to fucking bars and clubs and stuff.
     
  2. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Re: Those suffering from depression/low self esteem how often do you go out to bars/c

    Never.
     
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Re: Those suffering from depression/low self esteem how often do you go out to bars/c

    Nope, I don't do bars and night clubs..Come to think about it I don't go anywhere..
     
  4. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Re: Those suffering from depression/low self esteem how often do you go out to bars/c

    That sounds distressing and upsetting to you, but those guys do not dictate your self worth.
    I stay away from scenes like this for a reason, mainly cos I don't want to be looked at in that way, and I'd get a ton of unwanted attention no doubt. I struggle with this in every day life as it is.

    You can create your own space where you look at yourself, love yourself and you have a lot more control as to who you let in your life. From what I heard-and my sister is very much into all of this- places like that are full of people just wanting casual sex/attention (for what? you can ask is it worth it?)- nothing wrong with that, but even if you were 'what they wanted' physically, do you think it's healthy to rely on men in those places for your self esteem?

    As to your question, I'm curious about a lesbian/bi group that meets in a bar/club, it'd be an adventure I suppose, and I can go in for half an hour and never return again :D I most probably will make myself look like an idiot but I usually do and I'm alright with that.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 3, 2010
  5. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    Re: Those suffering from depression/low self esteem how often do you go out to bars/c

    never cos ill feel more lonely & lower self-esttem when i see others
     
  6. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Re: Those suffering from depression/low self esteem how often do you go out to bars/c

    I've been to a bar once in the last year-- and only because my sister dragged me there to see a band play! other than that- I don't ever go.
    Don't drink, don't like crowds... don't like drunk people... prefer to be alone in my room. :(
     
  7. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member

    Re: Those suffering from depression/low self esteem how often do you go out to bars/c

    I don't really go to bars ever. More so because I don't drink and my friends don't go to pubs and stuff. I haven't been often to clubs. Four times in total. I find having low self-esteem makes it difficult to get comfortable in the environment and just enjoy myself. But I mean given the opportunity in the future, I probably will try to go if I can. Its something I have to hide from my parents so its not always feasible. I do want to get comfortable going to these places.
     
  8. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Re: Those suffering from depression/low self esteem how often do you go out to bars/c

    Hmm, I guess I am kind of beginning to realise going to these places is actually a massive trigger for me and is making me worse... and you're right ggg4567 I tend to look for my self worth in stupid places because it's difficult to know where else to find it. :(
     
  9. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    Re: Those suffering from depression/low self esteem how often do you go out to bars/c

    Never.
     
  10. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    Re: Those suffering from depression/low self esteem how often do you go out to bars/c

    When I was depressed I never went to clubs. I remember reading a sort of self help thing on how to get out of depression and it said "Avoid places where having a good mood is a 'must' like parties and clubs". lol I didn't stay away from clubs because I read that but I can understand why it said that, for sure. But I stayed away because I felt vulnerable back then. Now, I do go out sometimes but I stay away from certain places because they're downright dangerous.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 3, 2010
  11. sickjk

    sickjk Member

    Re: Those suffering from depression/low self esteem how often do you go out to bars/c

    Never. I don't think i'll ever have the courage to go by myself
     
  12. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    Re: Those suffering from depression/low self esteem how often do you go out to bars/c

    The only way to find self worth is through yourself, and not in places or social situations. You have to learn to love who you are, body and mind, because you'll always have both (and you can improve them too). It can be hard, but it is still doable. Think of the things that make you great, and think of them often.

    You've made a good choice by avoiding clubs, where you can be ignored by guys, which would probably make you feel worse than if you stayed home. But I don't think you should avoid anywhere else for that reason, you probably won't get the same treatment as at a club.

    And to answer your question, I never go to clubs (too many people), but I do go to pubs from time to time. They are a good place to relax, have a beer, and a decent conversation with the music at a comfortable level.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 3, 2010
  13. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    Re: Those suffering from depression/low self esteem how often do you go out to bars/c

    Very,very rarely.
     
  14. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    Re: Those suffering from depression/low self esteem how often do you go out to bars/c

    oh man I can so relate to you....when I went out with my friend, all the guys wanted to talk to her and not to me...I'm chubby too...and to me they even went as to ask me if my friend was my girlfriend(as in dating) :blink: calling me a lesbian, wow...thanks...even one of my psychiatrist asked me if I was a lesbian...I'm like what the hell? IM NOT a lesbian...not all fat, chubby girls are lesbians...

    there are people who love big girls, they are called BBW admirers....BBW(BigBeautifulWomen) and they really go for girls like us...you don't have to be skinny anorexic to be attractive...

    but I don't go out in bars or clubs anymore...mainly I'm not with that friend, she was looking for attention too, but she likes trouble too so...
     
  15. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Re: Those suffering from depression/low self esteem how often do you go out to bars/c

    I've never gone and I don't think I ever will. I'm just too different, too much of a freak. :(
     
  16. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Re: Those suffering from depression/low self esteem how often do you go out to bars/c

    Oh God that sounds hideous. So in order to find a boyfriend we have to go look for this niche market of freaks who fancy girls who are too fat to get regular boyfriends. Wow - no thanks. :(
    Not anorexic - just normal. Guys don't generally go for fat girls, I've kidded myself for long enough thinking that they do.
     
  17. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Re: Those suffering from depression/low self esteem how often do you go out to bars/c

    Many people are having a hellish time in there, and have anxiety problems and are self medicating in some way or trying to get away from problems...or desperately lonely.
    it's a place where putting on an inch thick of mask/make up is a must, that and you have to know the rules/moves/BS. I'm not saying all, I'm sure some are genuinely having a great time - lets say if there's a band playing they liked or something..but I'm talking socially. I don't know from first hand experience, all this comes from my sister and others who I've known who are hyper anxious about things that do not concern me.
     
  18. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Re: Those suffering from depression/low self esteem how often do you go out to bars/c

    you can tell my wife that i'm a freak then
     
  19. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Re: Those suffering from depression/low self esteem how often do you go out to bars/c

    LOL!! Uh oh, I'm so glad I missed out what I was initially going to add...

    So in order to find a boyfriend we have to go look for this niche market of freaks and desperados who fancy girls that are too fat to get regular boyfriends and because they are in turn too ugly to date slim girls.

    I know that's not the case deep down, just how society has made me feel. Like I'm an ugly rhino and anybody who wants me is also intricately flawed.
     
  20. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Re: Those suffering from depression/low self esteem how often do you go out to bars/c

    You think 'ugly guys' only go out with fat girls? And no 'ugly guy' would go out with a slim girl, cos the slim girl would go for a good looking guy? That's very simplistic, and you're saying something about wastingecho there too :mellow: and you don't even know how he looks! And he's one of the most sweetest people on this site, and far from ugly to me.

    A so called good looking or ugly person can both be a turn off cos people do see different things in others, and not all of that would be about appearance.

    If someone likes you, your weight won't be too much of an issue.
    If someone falls in love with you, then you'll be the most beautiful thing on earth.

    Maybe you're making your weight to be the main issue? Maybe when people look at you, they don't see your body, but someone terribly insecure and shy?

    PS. Slim girls can be unattractive too. It depends on how a person defines beauty.
     
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