Put your faith in the doctors and in a new life, and please RESEARCH into atypical antipsychotics and medication. I was in hospital for a month at 18, they said I was the sickest one there. There is life after psychosis and depression. There's really gentle meds out there, not hard **** like haldol. I have had the privelege of knowing consultant professors on the edge of cutting research. The best and most advanced anti-psychotic at the moment in the world IMO is Paliperidone, it is very new and a highly refined variant of risperidone, although it is quite different to that in composition and structure as well as being slow release. 9mg is the best dose, more will prob make you agitated, less might not help enough. 9mg is approximately equal to about 4.5 mg of risperidone. The best anti-depressant in the world IMO is mirtazapine, it lacks the side effects of SSRI's and tricyclics. The dose should not really be above 45mg otherwise you will get a bit irritable. They are both gentle, although with mirtazapine, you got to be careful it doesn't make you have a craving for too much sugar, but it's really dependent on dose (as well as self-discipline). I take 15mg and at that dose you don't really get that (well that's what I noticed), but that might not be enough for you as I'm taking a lot of herbs and vitamins for MCS which amplify the effects, but you could experiment like I have, who knows ^__^. Also, it is a sleeping tablet without the side effects at a low dose (15mg), and I kind of think even at a higher dose, but not as much. There's another helpful one called amisulpride, it interferes with women stuff but not men at all. If you want to know the best dose from experience and experimentation on my brother and I, it's 250mg at night and 100mg in the morning, I found 250mg was best at night to get a good nights sleep (if you take less you may have problems sleeping), the daytime dose is optional. It has a short half-life so it really should be taken twice a day, unlike the others. If you take too much more than that you may get anxiety, although at a certain dose it is tremendously beneficial for things like social anxiety. Also, 50mg of amisulpride once a day is the best thing for combating sleep deprivation without ANY side effects (not sure about women) or if you want to retain your smartness if you are studying and sleep-deprived, because there was a study done, people were deprived of sleep, and tested cognitively - there was very little to no worsening of cognitive skills after deprivation of sleep on 50mg of amisulpride. So no, it DOESN'T damage the brain. All three are wonderful drugs which I take ^__^ . And don't worry if I have problems - I have something progressive, but you can see I'm doing a bit better now, I'm not locked up. If you ever need to talk contact me.