Thought about it many times..

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Hey, My name is Brycen I'm only 15 1/2 and I've thought about suicide many times.. Im sorry if this is stupid and all but it really hurts.. For over 10 years my mom had abused me and I really felt like I was some kid who was a mistake and shouldnt have even exsisted in this world.. I use to get hit everyday and the scars still remain.. Elementry was ok I guess.. I'm really sorry if this is a waste of your guys time.. But It's how I really feel.. I really didnt have any friends.. I was used alot you could say.. When 7th grade came that's when more problems had started.. I had my 1st gf and we had gone out for 11 months until she left me for someone else.. That happens right? I mean stuff like this just happens.. Then 8th grade.. There was this really special girl.. We had gone out for 11 months also until she had dumped me for another guy also.. I had just came back from the trip to the Rose Bowl and I guess even before that.. She had liked this one guy.. I had waited 7 months for her.. But now that we're together.. She got mad at me.. and seem to get jealous of this girl which i didnt like.. she left me once again and it kills me.. Life is unfair I know that.. But even if yeah.. Idk.. it really hurts.. I suck in so much anger and tears.. I take it out on myself so no one else has to get hurt.. I had cut myself on my chest many times.. The wounds seem to heal.. We're together once again.. But yet she gets mad about the same issue.. I mean like.. She hangs with her guy friends and all but yeah.. It feels like she's going to leave me .. All th problems I deal with makes me want to kill myself.. Please help..
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Staff Alumni
youre not wasting our time hun :hug:

im sorry those girls left you, but at your age you have pleanty of time to work out what you want in a relationship, if youre not happy in one relationship then you probably need to look at the relationship and see if you can both adjust to make things better for the 2 of you or move on

take care :hug:


Staff Alumni
Hi, welcome to the site.

Are you safe from your mother at this time? In a foster home or in a shelter? And, have you seen a therapist to help process the abuse you've had to endure?

10 years is a long time and it can do a lot of damage to your emotional self. (As you no doubt know and thats why you've come to this site for help.)

You have been through a lot and you've made it this far. Your one strong kid! My hats off to you. But your still human, and 10 years of abuse and a struggling relationship can bring any one down. You don't have to be alone any more, k? Keep us posted and let us keep bombarding you with support.

... and advise. (You did ask for help so I may as well give you my 2 cents worth.)

11 months in a relationship is good in my opinion. It takes time to get to know someone, time to know if your right for each other. Time to see if both you and her are going to stick it out for the long haul. you can't :make" someone be true to you and "make" them be the right one for you. It's a discovery and a process. Very few people at age 15 find the girl the going to marry. Right now, dating and relationships are teaching you what you like and don't like in your future Mrs. right. It's not healthy to stay in a relationship that makes you feel bad about yourself. It's great to show loyalty and stick things through but not at the expense of your spirit, your soul. It's normal to have feelings of distrust.. after all, you've only known each other for a while and she did you leave you before. Also, you have had relationships that broke up so it's a scary possibility that remains painfully dominant in your mind. Nothing ventured nothing gained. Stay true to yourself. Remember, no one has the right to abuse you physically or emotionally.

Looking forward to hearing more from you,

Thank you all for you comments.. It makes me feel better some what.. Im sorry im just really negative I dont really have good hopes. I live with my dad now it's better than it was over there..
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