thought about it yesterday

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by meme333, Aug 12, 2011.

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  1. meme333

    meme333 Well-Known Member

    Thought about it yesterday but doing it today
    I'm really sorry. I don't know what it is about me. Nobody can just be nice!
     
  2. meme333

    meme333 Well-Known Member

    I don't get upset with anyone.
    I'm there for them no matter what it takes from me.

    Still nobody can just be nice

    I give up
    I truly do.

    I'm so sorry
     
  3. eagles_fan

    eagles_fan Well-Known Member

    Sure, people are mean, but that's no reason to just off yourself. I realize that when someone's standing over your shoulder insulting you and putting you down that it can be hard to have some self-esteem, but an important part of living your life is ignoring the bullshit that comes out of other people's mouths.

    Deep within your psyche is strength that needs to be drawn out so you can live your life.
     
  4. whatif

    whatif Well-Known Member

    We all need you here meme what can we do to help
     
  5. meme333

    meme333 Well-Known Member

    well it's picking on me...constant picking
    I go out of my way to help. I'm an idiot that way.

    I don't have anyone and those I have...well I give up

    I guess I sound like an idiot here as well

    I don't know what I'm looking for
     
  6. eagles_fan

    eagles_fan Well-Known Member

    I'm guessing you try to help people who treat you like shit? Maybe they bully you?

    Just ignore and avoid them, then.
     
  7. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    What makes you weak now can in time make you stronger, and I believe you are stronger than you give yourself credit for.

    It just breaks my heart that your going through that. You really hit home with me too. I used to question what was wrong with me, that people would treat me the way they did, and why is it I never felt like I fit in anywhere.

    The time I spent hating myself.. Crying over the way I looked, especially. Anorexia, plastic surgery, did any of that help, no. Hated myself over being shy, figured my personality just sucked one..

    I am more important than I ever gave myself credit for. If you want other people to love you, you have to learn how to love yourself.. And when you do, you'll find you'd never hurt yourself in a million years over some dumb ass that can't be nice to you.
     
  8. meme333

    meme333 Well-Known Member

    but it seems like everybody and everybody will say that I am always "to the rescue" when they have a problem and I"m such a "sweetie", or what would I do without you? all that crap.
    Then they snap at me and I don't know why?easy target? make their problems about me.

    I have been trying to improve myself and take care of me but it's not working and i just want to give up. iF nobody cares why bother right?
     
  9. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    Nobody in your life at this moment may care but that doesn't mean it's always going to be that way.

    When do you think at what point in my life I should have chosen to give up my life??

    From the two guys that used to pick on me all the time in school. Or from never feeling like I fit in..

    From the emotional abuse I went through at age 17, from my son's father..

    When he slapped me crossways across the face..

    From finding out 3 weeks after my child is born, that he was cheating on me.

    When he said my son was too ugly to belong to him, and refused to take a part in his life, and his family follows his footsteps.

    Maybe from the boyfriend who decided he didn't want the baby I was carrying, maybe instead of thinking about him, I should have kept the baby. Maybe I didn't deserve to live after I gave up the life of a child by having an abortion.

    When I get married, only to find out what I married was an ass with a horrific mouth.

    Should I have stopped living when he decided to mentally abuse me and try to have sex with me when I took medication to stop pain.. he wants to take advantage of that, while I am unable to say no. Or when he threatened me and gave me a this is what is going to happen if you don't??

    Maybe I should have done it when I faced all the conflict in my family, losing relationships that can never be repaired.

    Or when the conflict from my divorce led my kids to being disrespectful toward me, when I had to let them live with their dad to stop it, maybe I should have given up when it got so bad, that my son put a gun to my head and said he would shoot me, if I made him go home with me.

    Should I give it up because I know I'm always going to love a man that will never feel the same way about me. Not having a relationship, and wondering if I ever will.

    Or because I unable to work, should I consider my life meaningless and worthless?

    Should I just stop trying because I have a disease and will probably never be able to overcome the suffering I feel??

    If you can't say that I should give up, then you have to realize deep down somewhere that you shouldn't either.
     
  10. meme333

    meme333 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you went through that.
    I've had several times that I wanted to give up and I'm still here.

    Sorry I'm not trying to frustrate anyone.
     
  11. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    You never need to say your sorry for anything you say. Your not frustrating me. I told you all that to try to get my point across.. Trying to make you see it from my eyes. I don't believe you want to die. I believe you want that emotional pain to stop, you want people in your life who love and care about you, a family. Those things can be accomplished, but if you give up, there is no return from death.

    I know life sucks one. I know what it feels like to think it can't ever get any better. But I also know what it is like to beat those odds. For I am still here.

    Taking my daughter to dairy queen so I have to get going, but you have a good day, go rent a hillarious movie, make some popcorn, and try to relax the rest of the day..

    If you don't make it, I will not be mad, for I do not want to see anyone have to suffer, but you should know that I would most definetly misssssss you..
     
  12. meme333

    meme333 Well-Known Member

    I know you were trying to show me but I have been through lots too and trying to beat the odds but everytime I think things might be getting better something awful happens.
    I do try. I went back to University, was just on a trip to Europe that got screwed up because I got sick (huge disappointment!) but I'm trying but it's crushing not to have anyone ...there are such basic needs!
    I even almost give myself away on dating sites just at the thought of being touched. It's dangerous and I'm thinking about it.
    That's not good.
    I am not happy with myself
     
  13. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    I'm sure there are plenty of nice guys you can meet from talking to online, so don't let yourself risk being abducted by a pervert. Be careful..

    Yes we all have basic needs & everyone should have that.. My therapist asked me once if I was stranded on a deserted island all by myself, if I thought I could be happy, then he wanted to know why I said no, he said he would be able to do it. Can you imagine that? I'd have to see that before I'd believe it.

    If I sound like I've been preaching or in the least bit hard to put up, I'm sorry.. That's not my intent. If you ever feel the need to tell me to shut up, you go right ahead..
     
  14. meme333

    meme333 Well-Known Member

    I decided the one friend that was mean to me today and has been so often in the past isn't worth my time. She's harsh but calls it being blunt...not so...she can be quite cruel and I won't be that way in return.
    My other friend that I feel doesn't pay attention well I have to accept it's about her and not me. She loves me and although doesn't always notice things with me, she does not say anything to hurt me, nor do I believe she would hurt me intentionally.
    Others have hurt me and I just can't revolve everything around them.
    That is something I do and it never pays off. It should but it doesn't.

    So I may take a chance tomorrow and go on a date. I worry about my intent but whatever. Beats overdosing or something. nothing to lose so I will try to be safe but well, I need something in my life.
     
  15. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    If someone does something to hurt you, you don't let it affect how you feel about yourself, don't get upset with yourself, you get angry at them, you don't take it out on yourself. I'm glad your going to refrain yourself from putting up with someone that is cruel like that. I'm in a situation I have to put up with it right now and if he wants to be an ass, he in turn, gets to find out what a bitch I can be. It's good payback. You let them know your not going to put up with their shit, they usually shut the hell up...

    Have fun on your date. I hope your meeting at a public place, somewhere safe. Make sure you can trust them before you spend any time alone with them. And if this guy doesn't work out, there are plenty more where he came from. Plenty of guys out there that want the same thing that you do, they are just looking for someone to spend their life with.

    I'm glad your giving life another chance today.. I hope you can find the happiness that you deserve. If there were more people out there in this world as sweet as you are, it would make it an easier place to be. Your something else, and it's high time you realize that..
     
  16. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    I don't know our time difference, but my day is about over with here.. Thought I'd ask how your doing and see if your date went okay.
     
  17. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    You have to sure what you want.

    you sound young but maybe getting married young is better - and having children aged 18, whilst people frown on it - its actually natural really - I mean, only in recent times do woman have children late in life.

    So if your looking for a women to marry and have children, not sure if dating websites are a good idea.

    I'd NEVER go on one -- period - because I Know a few men in my club who have found some dating website and whilst they have a different woman every weekend - I'm guess that its a health roulette going on - big time.

    Best just go to the pub and actually see someone - approach them and be told to invariably **** off 9 times out of 10.

    Which is still a tremendous victory!

    I'm not saying dating website are all shag-a-thons (forgive my crudeness - but 999 out of 1000 men are just looking to get laid) and you might meet someone online just as it happened when you got crossed lines on a phone and end up marrying some girl from Birmingham.

    To be honest - there is no formulae for love.

    It hides in the strangest places.

    And pubs!

    So good luck my man.

    Don't worship from afar - get close and personal. :rolleyes:
     
  18. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    Hum, he seems to think your a man (chuckles).. Take that advice to heart though, most men do want to just get laid, but they aren't all jerks. I have never had a nice guy in my life as far as being in a relationship goes but I have met plenty of them that are as sweet as a piece of chocolate.
     
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