Thought helping people would make me feel better

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by jazzsnazz, Feb 1, 2016.

  1. jazzsnazz

    jazzsnazz Member

    well where to start, I was a heroin addict for six years, after numerous treatments with rehab and suboxone I finally kicked that habit, at this time I'm 22, so now I'm pretty behind with schooling so I decide to go to college, There I meet some great people but they all were drunks so I become an alcoholic, somehow I graduate, with a 2.2 btw which sucks, so now I'm an alcoholic with a college degree trying to find a job, the job hunt is going miserable so I figured I need to boost my resume to stand out to employers so I join the fire department, after about 5 months of training I'm officially an EMT and have been for about 5 months, still no luck finding a nice job, actually working at a mall which makes me feel miserable about myself, anywho this brings us up to today, I've kicked all habits, drugs and alcohol but now am addicted to fitness, I'm fine with that trying to get as big as possible ya know, but I thought helping people would making these depressive and suicidal tendencies go away, instead I've realized that being an EMT is making it worse, it's stressing me out, I've seen 3 dead people in the last week, had to do compressions on 2, breaking ribs and all that stuff and I can't get these images out of my head, I tell myself if I find a nice job I won't feel this way but that's probably wishful thinking, I feel like I need to go see a doctor but my crappy job has no benefits so I can't afford it..I know I'm in a better situation than many, I know that because I do see death and I do see sickness a lot, we're all in this together but I do feel like suicide is not something selfish to do, but I just wanted to sort of tell my story, hope you're all doing well
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. I read you post. Yes, you are at all time low but you making progress on a say by day basis. I know it's hard but we can help you as suicide is not the option. You have to be strong and dig deep to over physical or emotional pain. You are right in that we are together and we help other over one our feelings. Be strong and keep posting.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hope you continue to reach out to people you trust talk to someone ok You are a fighter for sure you beat so much addiction so be proud of what you have accomplished. Job well everyone is fighting to get ahead it will take time If you can volunteer in a job that you like in time they will hire you once they see your work ethics take care of you
  4. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    You, jazznazz have had a remarkable life, It sounds like you had a shaky start, I am sorry that you had to go through that! but Yeah! wow to have gone through all of that and come out the other side like you have is remarkable, You have said that you want to help people, you have but you picked a rough Place to start, there are other places and other ways to help people, I too worked on ambulances, I had an experience one time that took a lot out of me, so I know what you are talking about. You have to get help with some of your issues or problems, I know the cost is steep for any medical attention so I feel that you have come to a good place to start, this Forum can possibly help you get a different perspective of life and other things, you are right Suicide is not the way to go. Your life is like a house you have to do some work on your foundation, those things such as depression and thoughts of suicide weaken the foundation of your life until you get some help with those to shore up your life they will continue to bother you, Please Keep posting in here and talk to others here. we are here to help and support you, We Do Care About you, We Are Here For You, Keep Safe, Take good care of yourself, we here can help you do that!