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Thought i could deal with this.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Kobosis, Aug 9, 2014.

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  1. Kobosis

    Kobosis Member

    I thought could recover from my break up, but i can't.

    I found myself buying razor blades once again, along with drinking silly amount of alcohol and smoking drugs.

    I feel that the path i am on at the moment is only leading to one place, DEATH.

    and that though scares me but whenever i try and think positive i just think of all the hard time i have had, and am having at the moment. I don't see how some people can have such an easy life with a loving relationship and family and i don't ave a single thing to look forward to waking up in the morning.

    I found myself sitting in a dark room with a blade and my laptop writing my though's down as they happened and saved them for me to look at when i was more mentally stable. I looked at them a few days ago and what i saw scared me, Stuff like "Just cut a little more, maybe it'll be the one that ends it" & "You're pathetic, This is the best thing you could do."

    Anyone i ever cared for has moved away, and the girl i was intrested in is now sleeping with someone i work with and all i can do is sit their with a fake smile and say "I'm so happy for you two" even though every time i see them with one-another i know that i would never have been good enough for her.. For anyone for that matter.

    I don't know how long it will be until i end up doing something very stupid and take that 'last step'.

    I hope you're all having a wonderful evening and don't mean to be a burden to any of you.

  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your are not a burden you are struggling to move on You are grieving right now a loss of a friend a dream really but the pain will lessen it will you need to stop this negative thoughts and get out ok and start putting yourself out there again . Meet new people take course of interest and you will find someone that has your same interest you throw the razors away and you move forward just as she has moved forward.
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