Thought I'm fine..

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by cren, Jan 28, 2016.

  1. cren

    cren Well-Known Member

    i actually thought i'm feeling better.. i guess our mind just have a fucked up way of making you think that things are better then surprise you and make you realize you're not.. i thought i was making progress.. meeting new friends here.. chatting with really nice people who always make me feel better about myself.. and makes me feel that there's nothing wrong with me.. except there is something wrong with me.. there is.. and there will always be something wrong with me.. i don't know why i can't get over her.. why i'm torturing myself and waiting for her to realize that i'm important.. i just can't make myself give up.. i was having a good time awhile ago.. chatting with my new found friends.. but apparently when i'm left to my own devices my mind likes to remind me i'm still alone.. and nothing will make things better.. i feel pathetic.. i'd like to say sorry to my friends in this forum.. because i know you always tell me i deserve better but i still revert to wanting to be with her again.. i don't know why.. i'm really sorry.. don't think i'm just ignoring all the things you guys said to me.. when will this end.. i'm so tired of this shit..
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    There is no need for sorries here, we understand. I am glad you have made new friends here and I'd like to be your friend if I can? You are welcome to message me anytime. You're not pathetic because you are still here fighting this illness and what you need to do is go forward, forget the past. No one can change our past but we can change with how we deal with past issues that will arise. I hope you are in treatment, I got better from suicidal thoughts, so can you. You can do it. Like I said, we are all here for you so you don't have to fight this alone, maybe you are getting better and just having one of those bad days? Try and be positive and we will fight this together.
     
  3. cren

    cren Well-Known Member

    thanks.. i'd love to be your friend.. i just hope you guys won't get tired of me.. i'm a bit stubborn.. and when i saw someone i used to chat with happy without me.. it reminded me of my friend.. and her indifference these past few days.. it doesn't help that things at home is a bit tense..
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    No, sure won't get tired of you, I can be quite stubborn too lol I'm sorry you felt left out, maybe you could have told them you felt left out? I'm always around if you need a chat.rant/vent whatever!
     
  5. cren

    cren Well-Known Member

    no i'm actually referring to someone i used to chat with off this site.. people i met here are really nice..
     
    2 people like this.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Oh, good :) Yeah the people here are awesome :) Better than anyone could possibly ask for =)
     
    Nithin Adarsh, Katryn, Moat and 2 others like this.
  7. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    Petal said it better than I could with that last posting of hers.

    Sometimes it takes someone or a group of people you may never never meet face-to-face or even hear their voice, to fully understand the plight you go through, because they have travelled down the same path as yourself and know exactly what it is like when you find yourself alone - and those people are the ones who do not judge you, do not need an apology, do not ask for and do not need anything of you to be your friend.
     
  8. cren

    cren Well-Known Member

    thanks.. sometimes it's just difficult to accept that people move on faster than you.. like they can accept it even if you're not around but you can't survive without them..

    it's nice to meet friends who really understands me.. i just hope i can give back to you as much as i'm able to receive or even more than you all give me.. all the support and kind words.. to be honest though, i'm still skeptical about trusting people.. i've been hurt by enough people to trust easily.. so i hope you don't take it personally.. but i do trust all of you enough to share what i am going through.. and i think that's enough for now.. i'm afraid it'll take time before i get into any serious relationship like really deep friendship at the moment.. it'll take time..
     
  9. mei

    mei Active Member

    I get that. I do, I really do. It hurts, a lot. That moment when it hits you and you feel your heart pound and your eyes water and it hurts.

    And you know that you need to move on but you keep going back because... well, you don't know why. Maybe it's because you miss the feeling of being with that person. Or maybe you don't know what to do with yourself.

    But if you can take a couple of steps forward, this'll all just be a memory.

    One morning, you'll wake up and you'd think about a cereal that you're looking forward to eating, or maybe that movie you want to rent. Maybe, while drinking coffee you do remember. It'll hurt, but it's just a memory now. And you'll be able to get on with your day.

    Just look forward to this. At least, that's what I'd do.
     
  10. cren

    cren Well-Known Member

    it's just difficult especially if it used to be that every morning she's the first person i talk to.. the first person i share how my day has been.. the first person i share my plans for that day.. it makes waking up every morning difficult..
     
    2 people like this.
  11. mei

    mei Active Member

    You'll be okay. Just hold unto that thought. Whether or not you pursue reconnecting with her again or not is up to you but I wish you do what you think will make you better. I don't know the whole situation so I don't think I'll be of much help but feel free to PM me if you need someone to listen to you.