Where to start ... Why not? Why? Is it an answer? Does the thought provide encouragement subconsciously? Do the thoughts provide a temporary reprieve? Are things so insurmountable? Isn't everyone replaceable? Would this punish those I'm angry at? Doesn't that ultimately mean I would also punish myself? What will life be like without my partner? Will I have the strength to carry on when I struggle so now? What will the point of life be? Where will I go, what will I do? How can I do this? Am I just day dreaming? Am I looking for attention? Who, really, would it affect? Do I have the ultimate courage to put words into action? Where am I meant to find this strength from that everyone keeps telling me about? Could these people live in my shoes , past and present? Why can't I forget what needs to be forgotten? With so much self loathing, why I am hesitant? Perhaps this is just another thing I am incapable of? What is talk without action? If my best friend could do it, why can't I or why haven't I? What are the alternatives? Will things ever change? Will my mind ever rest?