thought things where getting better? :(

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by notwanting2live, Aug 30, 2009.

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  1. notwanting2live

    notwanting2live Well-Known Member

    sorry i havent written for a long time, wish i new the right things to say to people, but its the same since last time i wrote on here.. i just dont know what to say when my head is completely fucked up. i really wanna slef harm right now... and ive already binged on food, as i am a compulsive eater. i want to drink. i relapsed 2 months ago on acohol and drugs, but thankfully got my shit together quite quick. my brother (who raped me) has been over all this week and my head has been completely mashed again. i disclosed something to someone on friday about my brother.. that i dont think i was the onli one who he raped out of my family. and since then it is recking my head completely. i really just want to go and get shit faced. i want to die. i havent felt this desperate since i relapsed.. and ive tried speaking about it but i just cant. i dont know what to do and i just dont know how to stop the crazy shit going through my head. im just thinking about how much pleasure i will get from dying. the crazy thoughts stopping. noone else will be able to hurt me, to torture me. and i wont be able to hurt anyone else. i always reck peoples life.. even if i dont know them. i want to help people but i cant becuase im so god damn helpless... sorry for posting here, when i know i dont really have the right to. i just dont know what to do anymore... i need to sort my shit out and theonli way to do that is to die.
    thanks for being here for me even if i havent been there for anyone else..
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I too feel like I do not have the right words nor know what to say to others here. When I was feeling like crap there was a lot of kind words and support here and so I want to give back what was so freely given to me but well think I fall seriously short. But hey it is the fact that we care that is most important right?

    I am sorry you are feeling so bad again and you relapsed. I did a lot of drugs years ago so know how very tempting they are so please don't be so hard on yourself as you have now done the right thing....try to get back on track and find the support to do that.

    It seems you are gone right now so I hope you come back so we can support your efforts and help you through beat drugs and alcohol once before you can do it again!

    We are here for you and you can PM if you would like.

    Take care of yourself and hope to get to know you,
  3. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    Keep reaching out - I say it , don't always do it....but you have have a future, but you need to get away from the abuser before you can clear the confusion

    Take Care
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You disclosed what you thought to one person that was good now try to tell someone else anyone a therapist your doctor a coucillor teacher anyone so they can get you help to deal with this. It won't get better until you tell. Don't hold onto it like idid please. I held onto it to long over 40 yrs now don't do that let it out so you can heal so life will be better for you. You can do this be strong and call crisis line even you just talk to a stranger who won't know you and tell them get if out of your head finally.
  5. ashes_away

    ashes_away Well-Known Member


    you are safe here..and I agree with every one need to talk about what need closure or you will relapse over and over again.I hope you have a psychologist..and have someone in your life you can trust to be honest with.It seems your brother has gotten away with something horrible and this is adding to your pain.Please,please,trust someone and talk to them.
    Hope we can provide a little outlet here for you too.
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