sorry i havent written for a long time, wish i new the right things to say to people, but its the same since last time i wrote on here.. i just dont know what to say when my head is completely fucked up. i really wanna slef harm right now... and ive already binged on food, as i am a compulsive eater. i want to drink. i relapsed 2 months ago on acohol and drugs, but thankfully got my shit together quite quick. my brother (who raped me) has been over all this week and my head has been completely mashed again. i disclosed something to someone on friday about my brother.. that i dont think i was the onli one who he raped out of my family. and since then it is recking my head completely. i really just want to go and get shit faced. i want to die. i havent felt this desperate since i relapsed.. and ive tried speaking about it but i just cant. i dont know what to do and i just dont know how to stop the crazy shit going through my head. im just thinking about how much pleasure i will get from dying. the crazy thoughts stopping. noone else will be able to hurt me, to torture me. and i wont be able to hurt anyone else. i always reck peoples life.. even if i dont know them. i want to help people but i cant becuase im so god damn helpless... sorry for posting here, when i know i dont really have the right to. i just dont know what to do anymore... i need to sort my shit out and theonli way to do that is to die. thanks for being here for me even if i havent been there for anyone else..