This time of year is always hard for me, not sure why. I am working on getting back to pdoc and getting back on meds but motivation is always a problem when that demon depression takes root in my brain. I hate feeling like this and probably have the means to make it all go away if it gets too bad. He is a slippery little bastard, sneaking in and gradually grabbing hold - so slowly and quietly that I almost don't notice until things got bad. I should be thankful for the year + that he was gone but am so scared that maybe this is the time that he doesn't leave, that I can't shake him this time. I don't want to get to the point where I end up in the hospital again. I think the only thing the hospital can do is medicate - they sure don't really seem to care about much else. No set plans yet, but the recurring thoughts of it and the end of it all race around and want to be the answer.