Thought this was in my rear view mirror...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by gelfling, May 19, 2014.

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  1. gelfling

    gelfling Active Member

    This time of year is always hard for me, not sure why. I am working on getting back to pdoc and getting back on meds but motivation is always a problem when that demon depression takes root in my brain. I hate feeling like this and probably have the means to make it all go away if it gets too bad. He is a slippery little bastard, sneaking in and gradually grabbing hold - so slowly and quietly that I almost don't notice until things got bad. I should be thankful for the year + that he was gone but am so scared that maybe this is the time that he doesn't leave, that I can't shake him this time. I don't want to get to the point where I end up in the hospital again. I think the only thing the hospital can do is medicate - they sure don't really seem to care about much else. No set plans yet, but the recurring thoughts of it and the end of it all race around and want to be the answer.
  2. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I completely sympathise with you, I know what this demon feels like too well. Hopefully you can get some motivation and head back to your doctor to get some help and some meds. Here in the mean time if you need to vent or talk :hug:
  3. gelfling

    gelfling Active Member

    Thanks, Butterfly. Still working up the motivation.
  4. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    He's a slippery little bastard alright, that will fill your head with lies - about your worth, your identity and how life is. The way to deal with liars is to hold fast to objective truth and new insights as you encounter them, and then speak out loud to the lies, telling them to leave you alone. This might sound a crazy thing to do, but it's been done before I promise you - and will also promise that things will improve over time - please give yourself time - on the journey, so that your mind is able to be freed from the shackles that can weigh it down. :)
  5. gelfling

    gelfling Active Member

    Thanks, urPrecious. I'm trying to not get so frustrated with myself that I do something stupid - although stupid things sometimes give some relief for a while. I'm not sure why I even tried this place. Seems like yet another place I don't fit in. I just hate being alone when I am feeling this way and thought this might be a good distraction.
  6. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    gotta give it more time, like things irl
    only been here a day.
    i think i saw you using chat before but not certain. if you did, how did that go?
    i find it a slow burner
  7. gelfling

    gelfling Active Member

    chat is kinda hit or miss - often people are there but not talking, which can be frustrating.
  8. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    yeah, i see that too. so i rarely go there.

    but times you do get a chat, it can be very helpful and find ways to relate and associate a bit
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