Thoughts about suicide

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Trystan, Jul 4, 2007.

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  1. Trystan

    Trystan New Member

    Over the past few months I've been having a lot of thoughts about suicide. I have a lot of problems that oher people (ie my parents) don't know anything about (this is the first time I've told ANYONE about this). Over the past 3 years I've had an intense fear of becoming a pedophile, something that has really really been bad. I never told anyone about it because I was just convinced that it was true . . . in retrospect I think I can say that it was probably nothing, but those thoughts have a habbit of reemerging. Anyway all that that brought along has really hurt me and I don't want to go through it again; one of the reasons why I'm contemplating this.

    I have sporadic bouts of depression that last sometimes a few days to a few weeks when I always have one thing, although I'm always pretty depressed. I also seem to have social phobia, I mean I can never talk to new people about anything or hardly communicate to them at all. I'm 17 now and since 2001 I was out of school until 2004 when I went back on a part time basis (I was being taught the important subjects by a tutor in the time between) and thus I have no friends (apart from one or two over the internet) or social life or anybody to turn to (except my parents but they just seem to distant, and they just think I'm "afraid of work", "lazy", and should just "join the real world"). I don't work because I can't handle other people. I'm not in any education at the moment but the plan is/was that I go to college in September, but I feel like I'll never be able to intergrate into being "normal" society, and as more of a spectator than a participant in it right now. The whole college thing is bound to cause major stress even if I don't go there at all (hence

    So yeah, I just did exam resits and I felt really bad during them, I feel like I could go over the edge completely pretty soon. I've also thought about just suicidal gestures as a way of letting people know ho I've been feeling. I guess you could say that half my thoughts about suicide are just thoughts about suicidal gestures but the idea of being dead and just ceasing to exist has become appealing to me. I've looked up various methods. I'm not always that depressed when I think about suicide btw: it just seems more appealing than the alternative. I had a few thoughts about suicide last year (I was just has upset etc. then) but I decided that I couldn't do it because it would hurt my family. I still don't want to hurt them, but I just can take it any more.

    I also cut my self more and more frequently (I slash my wirsts with a knife), especially when I argue with my parents or have to go somewhere where I have to talk or whatever.

    All that stuff combined has lead me to feel this way. So, yeah, sorry if that seems a bit wanderous but I hope it made some sense . . .

    What should I do? Or more importantly, how do I do it?

  2. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Trystan,I can see that you're hurting so much and that having just suicidal thought's is serious enough.I want to tell you that we can offer as much support as possible on here,but I'm just worried that you going along like this is'nt going to help you of course.what I do reccommend is that if you could possibly talk or see someone and let them know about everything exactly what you've said on here.

    It's extremely important that you do this I feel so the suffering that you're going through can be immediately worked on and hopefully reduced.
  3. texasangel

    texasangel New Member

    The fact that you're sharing this with all of us is a MAJOR step in the right direction. I agree with Ace that you should talk to someone about your fears. Alot of people don't realize that they have a problem until it's too late.

    We are all here to listen and offer support.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 4, 2007
  4. Aegis2003

    Aegis2003 Active Member

    I really feel identified with you. Like I said in the thread bellow, "Broke as fuck", I lost my social skills (I had them) and now I´m completely isolated and I hardly have any friends. It´s like going from hero to cero.I miss my past life,I miss being funny,I miss my conversations with my friends,and I hate my current silence. I hate silence...
    Moreover, I have also lost my intelectual abilities because of a very powerful medication I was given. I Have lost everything I wanted, I have lost everything that mattered to me, I have lost everything. I haven´t commited suicide yet because I don´t dare. I hope one day I will. It´s my last chance
  5. Jess_21

    Jess_21 Active Member

    Hi Trystan,

    I feel that i can relate to you, like you my thoughts of suicide have become constant. Before i just had bad days on and off, but now it never ends. I guess i could tell you to "hold on" but i hate when people say that to me. I guess we have to attempt to find one tiny reason why we should continue to live.

    I have completely lost what little social life i had. I think my body has forgotten how to socialize. I am 17 so i am still at school. Now days i just sit there in silence, i feel like its impossible to communicate. Walking into the classroom for me is horrible. I hate school now, for me it has become so silent and lonely.

    I am here if you ever need to talk.
  6. Trystan

    Trystan New Member

    Thank you all for replying . . . it was good to get that off my chest, I guess.

    I'm gonna see my doctor tomorrow, and I'm thinking about telling her about this stuff, but I'm not sure I will . . .
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