Thoughts and feelings I can't control

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Cariad_Bach, Jul 21, 2016.

  1. Cariad_Bach

    Cariad_Bach Staff Alumni

    Control has always been a big thing for me. The most scary is when I get overwhelmed by emotion and self-destructive impulses.

    I'm not overwhelmed right now. But I am sad. I've been dwelling and ruminating on methods and triggers and reasons for weeks. It's starting to weigh heavy.

    I'm not afraid of what I might do. My "serious" method is still tucked away. But the thoughts and the desire to do it, that is with me all the time it seems.
     
  2. Cariad_Bach

    Cariad_Bach Staff Alumni

    Not doing it, it's not a choice. I'm not controlling those feelings. I'm just living with them. Carrying them around and letting them dictate what I do.

    There's no challenge, no fight in me. Just... sad acceptance. C'est la vie.
     
  3. I'm so sorry you're going through a rough time. If you will allow me, and I don't mean this in a condescending way, can you help me understand why you ruminate on methods and triggers when you know where that rumination leads? I have had friends who are of the same mindset at you but I have not had the opportunity to get behind their emotions and really feel what they are going through. I would love to have that dialogue with you in an attempt to understand the depth of what you're walking through and maybe offer some helps along the way. Praying for you, Cariad.
     
  4. Cariad_Bach

    Cariad_Bach Staff Alumni

    It's not deliberate. It's more like the thoughts come and I just don't push them away, so then they multiply and get bigger and then suddenly I realise that whatever programme was on telly has finished and I didn't pay any attention to it, or I've arrived at work or whatever and can't remember the journey.

    I've had CBT and I understand about challenging and controlling thought patterns but it's like I don't care right now. There's nothing in me that can stand up and say I Will Change This.

    If anything, it's almost comforting. Not so much that the thoughts are making me sad, more that the sadness appears to be abated by the thoughts. So why bother to fight them or shoo them away?
     
    ICanSpellThornwell likes this.
  5. WhoaThisPlaceIsScary

    WhoaThisPlaceIsScary Well-Known Member

    Be miserable or happy ..the choice is yours.
     
  6. WhoaThisPlaceIsScary

    WhoaThisPlaceIsScary Well-Known Member

    Now don't get me wrong..I'm miserable too sometimes.Once you come to the understanding that it's your personality..you learn to live with it..there will be amazing days that will make life worth living.
     
  7. WhoaThisPlaceIsScary

    WhoaThisPlaceIsScary Well-Known Member

    It's ok to be sad somtimes..watch all of earth's natural processes..we are on a huge ball ..receiving life,warmth, and light from another ball made of fire in the sky.It's a great mystery to behold..stay along for the ride.
     
  8. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    The catatonic state is a type of avoidance. Its hard to fight for yourself when you decide to passively flee. Try to engage, challenge a couple of thoughts, but maybe not every thought as it can be exhausting, when you can. See if challenging and staying in the moment leads to a better outcome.
     
    Cariad_Bach likes this.
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi hun, I hope you are having a better day today, Glad you have the method away, throw it out and get rid of it because can beat this and get better. Don't let others bring you down, just be yourself, I know how tough a road it is but you can make it :)