Control has always been a big thing for me. The most scary is when I get overwhelmed by emotion and self-destructive impulses. I'm not overwhelmed right now. But I am sad. I've been dwelling and ruminating on methods and triggers and reasons for weeks. It's starting to weigh heavy. I'm not afraid of what I might do. My "serious" method is still tucked away. But the thoughts and the desire to do it, that is with me all the time it seems.