I have been avoiding this site a bit, because it brought a lot of pain to me and I needed to find a way of dealing with it... now when I try to return to it a bit, I feel almost estranged.... and I have come to realize.... I have a lot of questions, with nobody to ask... because I talk to not many people at all anymore... so this is kind of going to be about those questions. Some will have no answers to be given and I realize this... others are questions that have a ton of possible answers and I'm unsure if there is really a right or wrong response.... others are questions of validation. I will trust that if you choose to answer this post, you are wise enough to discern amongst the various types of questions. First thing is this.... People say "hi, how are you?" BUT if I answer that with anything other than "I am fine/happy/great/(fill in some other upbeat mood word here)" , one of two things happen: 1. people get angry with me 2. people ignore me question: why ask me how I am if you don't really care to know the truth? Second thing: People get upset at me for talking too much, and then if I stay hushed they get upset at me for not talking at all... and then if its simply a case of neither of us talking much at all (and yet each talking pretty much equal amounts just nothing really to say) then I get blamed for not talking... question: why can't people make up their minds if they want me to talk or not AND why is it it solely my responsibility to keep a conversation going? Third thing: (probably the biggest) If I said I want to die.... how many people (if any) would truly care (as in not just saying the words, but really feeling the emotion) ... AND ... why is it wrong for me to talk about my problems and seek out advice and discern what advice works for me and what advice does not? Last big thing: Why is it that only certain problems are thought of as being legit and not a personal fault of my own (or whoever the problem is owned by) and other problems are judged by the listener to determine blame... instead of just trying to determine a solution? I do not understand any of these things and it makes it very hard for me to open up here or anywhere anymore... so if you can tell me the answers to any of this... it would be nice and very much appreciated. Other questions I really need answered: 1. Am I a person of value -- do not answer this one unless you can tell me why or why not as well (with specifics) 2. Does my life really matter at all -- again, only answer if you can give specific reasons to your answer 3. What kind of person would u say I am (personality traits -- give reasons by way of examples so it does not sound empty) 4. Why is life so freaking miserable all the time and why are we expected to keep living even while knowing its just going to bring more misery? (If you disagree with this statement, thats fine, but give me substantial reasons as to why you do.... if you have true answers to this question, then give me substantial reasons) 5. I realize I have borderline personality.. I do not hide that fact.... but why is it that fact somehow makes what I say less important to others and why is it that if I have negative feelings, its only because of my borderline personality or because of my depression.... can't it just be because i'm a human being with emotions and life isn't always a bowl of cherries and sometimes I need to vent too.... and sometimes some of those problems are not things that are just going to go away after one vent, but may take time, and a few discussions to pass? 6. Will someone please let me know when I become a person again and not just a label or something to turn to when you are in trouble or feeling pain.... but if in fact i'm the one feeling pain, then I'm just an irritant at that point.... please let me know when that season of reality has passed away cuz I am truly sick of it and it is truly killing me ... but nobody seems to care, so its a moot point as of now.