Thoughts and urges...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jacknstuff, Aug 26, 2015.

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  1. Jacknstuff

    Jacknstuff Member

    I can't get these thoughts and urges to end things out of my head. 10+ year horrid marriage, three kids that I refuse to leave fatherless by divorce or otherwise. Yet I've got this invisible string pulling me towards ending it all. I've been on meds for depression and I can't function on them. I have to provide for my family... But for crying out loud... I need these urges to stop... But all I can't think of these days is how peaceful everything would be if I just stopped. If everything just stopped. I don't care what comes after this life. My hope is nothing at this point. I don't even want another chapter. I just want everything to stop...
     
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. The urges you feel very day, are they self-harming thoughts? If so, please refrain from causing doing any harm. Use the alternative method of elastic band or ice cube. I know you are hurting but be strong. Yes, it's easy to say but your children will miss you. They are the reason for you to live. Dealing with situations is by hour by hour. I know it's hard but if you want to contact me then PM Direct.
     
  3. Jacknstuff

    Jacknstuff Member

    Urges happen far too often. If I could break away from a toxic relationship with my wife I think I could center myself again. I've had depression issues in the past... But I was able to turn them around. I was able to forcibly turn around my self-esteem. But this... These urges... It's thoughtless. It's like my brain shuts off and I kind of start autopiloting how to do it. Haven't had that before and it's getting stronger off and on... Ugh.
     
  4. rainbow55

    rainbow55 Member

    I take it your wife would not let you see the kids if you split? because if you think you would be able to see them frequently a split would be better than what your going through. I think ... at least with me ... it's when you feel completely powerless and trapped that you crave the release of ending it but if you can somehow make a plan it will help. either secretly research and plan how you could fight for equal custody if you split? what you would need to support yourself, to move, what support others might give etc. sometimes just having a plan helps even if it doesn't reach fruition or changes. once when things were getting to a breaking point of stress for me I planned to run away from it all. I researched maps and costed how much I would need to get all the camping type gear I would need to just run away with my kids. I planned how I would still get my income support to get food etc. it wouldn't have been very practical in reality. The cold, hunger, illness risks for my children. but at the time it was a last resort 'plan' that made me feel I did have a little control over my situation and choice other than ending it all.
     
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