Hello. Its starting to take hold in me. I have not tried in around 7 years, but the last couple of weeks I have noticed I have been thinking more and more on my own death. At first it was just little things, a stray thought here or there when I was laying in bed, but then the thoughts started coming more and more. A few days ago was when I first realized it was getting bad, I was talking to my friend's girlfriend and I had absentmindedly spelled out an entire plan to finish myself, understandably horrified she stopped talking to me for awhile. Tonight however It got really bad, I took a shower and did not realize I had carried a knife in with me, I came to my senses pretty quick and got rid of the knife. I sat crying for a few hours thinking of reasons to do it. I want to tell all this to my psychiatrist, but I always have a nagging feeling I am just wasting his time when so many more people could use his help. I have grown distant from my friend, he could not handle what I am going through so he just stopped trying. I feel alone often and I do not know what to do.