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Thoughts are getting progressively worse, vent t i m e

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#1
I've been trying so hard to find a reason to keep going, originally it was my bf, but now that he broke up with me n seems to be forcing himself to be friends with me, I don't even see the point. My family doesn't motivate me to live, they don't even believe my depression is as bad as it really is. I've even been trying to force myself to stay asleep longer because I just can't stand how awful my thoughts get. Honestly the only reason I'm still here is because of my crested gecko and the fact that I don't know what comes after death. I did have specific life goals, but my parents straight up told me that i'll probably never achieve them, so I don't even feel like bothering . I'm just, tired all the time
 

JDot

1 Peter 5:7
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#2
Hi @TiredLynx I can understand being tired all the time. You'll always have a place here to share your thoughts and feelings. We're here for you. And we're glad to have you here.
 
#3
Hi. I'm sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment.

When a family member doesn't believe in, or is ignorant to, the way you are feeling, it can be frustrating. It's also natural to feel sad after a breakup with a person you liked. A lot of people on here, me included, can relate to the way you are feeling - tired and suicidal. You will find people on here going through similar experiences to you, who can help support you through your tough time.

Pets are a great reason to stay motivated, and they can help us greatly, but they certainly shouldn't be the only reason you want to keep living.

Have you pursued treatment for depression before? Depression can be treated through methods such as medication or therapy. If you think either of these might be a good idea, you should visit your doctor. If you don't think your parents would think this is necessary, have you tried telling them how you really feel? You could try telling them how tired you feel and how you are feeling suicidal at the moment.

As for your life goals, some may be lofty, but don't let anyone hold you back from trying. Even if you don't achieve your specific life goals, you can still end up in a good position. If a person, for example, wanted to become an actor in Hollywood, they may not make it as an actor but they may end up in another career in show business that they enjoy. Your parents were likely just trying to prepare you.

As for the moment, you have found a great space to share how you are feeling and where you can receive some support. I hope you can feel better soon. Sending hugs *hug10.
 
#4
Hi. I'm sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment.

When a family member doesn't believe in, or is ignorant to, the way you are feeling, it can be frustrating. It's also natural to feel sad after a breakup with a person you liked. A lot of people on here, me included, can relate to the way you are feeling - tired and suicidal. You will find people on here going through similar experiences to you, who can help support you through your tough time.

Pets are a great reason to stay motivated, and they can help us greatly, but they certainly shouldn't be the only reason you want to keep living.

Have you pursued treatment for depression before? Depression can be treated through methods such as medication or therapy. If you think either of these might be a good idea, you should visit your doctor. If you don't think your parents would think this is necessary, have you tried telling them how you really feel? You could try telling them how tired you feel and how you are feeling suicidal at the moment.

As for your life goals, some may be lofty, but don't let anyone hold you back from trying. Even if you don't achieve your specific life goals, you can still end up in a good position. If a person, for example, wanted to become an actor in Hollywood, they may not make it as an actor but they may end up in another career in show business that they enjoy. Your parents were likely just trying to prepare you.

As for the moment, you have found a great space to share how you are feeling and where you can receive some support. I hope you can feel better soon. Sending hugs *hug10.
Thank you <3

I used to take medication for depression before, but my parents stopped being able to afford it for a bit, n once we got ok insurance, it just wasn't on the top of the priority list for them and now getting help is much more difficult bc of all that's going on. And I'd love therapy honestly, but it's unaffordable currently and last time I did outpatient, it didn't help too much since my mom was upset at me the whole time which just made me feel worse. And outpatient only occurred after having to tell my mom 3 times I wanted to kill myself, with her guilting me every time which suckedd.

N yeah glad I found this space, nice to have a place to vent to <3
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#5
And outpatient only occurred after having to tell my mom 3 times I wanted to kill myself, with her guilting me every time which suckedd.
Did the thought of how devastated she would be if you killed yourself make you feel guilty? Do you think you're scaring her?
 
#6
I used to take medication for depression before, but my parents stopped being able to afford it for a bit, n once we got ok insurance, it just wasn't on the top of the priority list for them and now getting help is much more difficult bc of all that's going on
If the medication you were taking helped, in principle the prescriber may be able to renew the prescription.

It may also be possible to get a telephone or other telamedicine appointment with a doctor who could give you the same prescription.

There's also some other information about treatment options in my signature links, including some self-help methods.

I hope something can help
 
#8
If the medication you were taking helped, in principle the prescriber may be able to renew the prescription.

It may also be possible to get a telephone or other telamedicine appointment with a doctor who could give you the same prescription.

There's also some other information about treatment options in my signature links, including some self-help methods.

I hope something can help
Yeah from what my mom told me though, getting a refill requires an appointment, which our insurance doesn't cover most of the time, and I'll check those links out !
 
#9
Did the thought of how devastated she would be if you killed yourself make you feel guilty? Do you think you're scaring her?
tbh it should but,, I've been having difficulty feeling anything at all towards that. Esp because her reaction the first 2 times wasn't worry (at least not from what I could tell) but instead the guilt came from her saying that she's felt suicidal before so it shouldn't be such a big deal
 
#12
from what my mom told me though, getting a refill requires an appointment
That's not always the case, but if you haven't had an appointment in a while, it's more likely.
which our insurance doesn't cover most of the time
Is there a limit to the number of appointments covered by insurance?

If you are in the US, you might want to try calling 211. Sometimes there's free care available, especially if you're under 18. Not a guarantee that they could help, but it might be worth a try.
 

Walker

Admin
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#14
Hello there, I'm so sorry you're finding yourself in such a difficult place with your parents and insurers. Where are you located?
At the end of the day you only have a short time before you could get a job of your own with insurance and do whatever you want with that. You could get a job now (probably not *now* now cause no one can get much of a job NOW with covid but you know what I mean) and be better off with insurance coverage with you and the parents (or just yourself) until they drop you. I'm sorry they aren't being very supportive towards your mental health. It's really shitty when people don't listen or think you're trying to get attention. It makes you feel pretty trapped, doesn't it?
 

Daphna

Ninja of light
#15
I've been trying so hard to find a reason to keep going, originally it was my bf, but now that he broke up with me n seems to be forcing himself to be friends with me, I don't even see the point. My family doesn't motivate me to live, they don't even believe my depression is as bad as it really is. I've even been trying to force myself to stay asleep longer because I just can't stand how awful my thoughts get. Honestly the only reason I'm still here is because of my crested gecko and the fact that I don't know what comes after death. I did have specific life goals, but my parents straight up told me that i'll probably never achieve them, so I don't even feel like bothering . I'm just, tired all the time
You can achieve anything. Don’t allow negative words or thoughts tell you that you can’t. There are billions of people in the world to be hung up on one.
 
#16
That's not always the case, but if you haven't had an appointment in a while, it's more likely.

Is there a limit to the number of appointments covered by insurance?

If you are in the US, you might want to try calling 211. Sometimes there's free care available, especially if you're under 18. Not a guarantee that they could help, but it might be worth a try.
yeahh it's been over a year since then. And not sure, she never rlly tells me all the details. and I can try that number ! Just gotta get over my bad SA
 
#17
Hello there, I'm so sorry you're finding yourself in such a difficult place with your parents and insurers. Where are you located?
At the end of the day you only have a short time before you could get a job of your own with insurance and do whatever you want with that. You could get a job now (probably not *now* now cause no one can get much of a job NOW with covid but you know what I mean) and be better off with insurance coverage with you and the parents (or just yourself) until they drop you. I'm sorry they aren't being very supportive towards your mental health. It's really shitty when people don't listen or think you're trying to get attention. It makes you feel pretty trapped, doesn't it?
US, GA, and man I'd love a job, busy work like that helps a lot when it comes to ignoring thoughts n such, though I'm currently not allowed to work until I graduate, and I don't get an allowance, so I can't rlly same for an appointment or anything. And yeahp , rlly sucks,, tho only got a year till I'm an adult,, which I'm hoping I can hold out until then
 
#18
TiredLynx, I'm in a really low place at the moment too. I have pet rats and knowing they're waiting for me to feed them is one of those random things that helps. Pets can be important in times like this. I'm just trying to take it one day at a time (I'm also sleeping a lot to avoid thinking about my dumb life). I hope a glimmer of sunlight comes out on the horizon for you soon. One day at a time, schlepin through life, that's all we can do right now. Hang in there and say "hi" to your gecko for me.
 
#19
TiredLynx, I'm in a really low place at the moment too. I have pet rats and knowing they're waiting for me to feed them is one of those random things that helps. Pets can be important in times like this. I'm just trying to take it one day at a time (I'm also sleeping a lot to avoid thinking about my dumb life). I hope a glimmer of sunlight comes out on the horizon for you soon. One day at a time, schlepin through life, that's all we can do right now. Hang in there and say "hi" to your gecko for me.
Ey I love rats ! Hope I can get some one day, glad they're helping you, and I will lol <3
 
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