Thoughts are killing me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by imalone, Jan 6, 2016.

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  1. imalone

    imalone Well-Known Member

    These past few nights have been the worst of my life. Having social anxiety has turned me into the biggest mess ever. I am scared of getting up, walking out the door and seeing people. Even the ones I can call "friend". I'm scared I'll break down in front of them. After these past few nights filled with tears, pain, regrets, horrible thoughts and anxiety attacks I dont feel strong enough to carry on.

    Meanwhile I have 4 huge pieces of revision everyday (besides Fridays) for the next month and then a week of tests. I don't think I can make it. I am rapidly losing myself, no matter how many times my friend says "i am here for you" and "i care" i just feel worthless and so isolated. After all the horrible things that have gone on I just want to go silence myself.
  2. Liatris

    Liatris Member

    I don't know what you mean by revision, but I think I get the idea of the fear and frustration. Sometimes encouragement from friends can feel so hollow! I'd suggest giving yourself a treat of something that resonates with you and really seems to express _you_. A favorite perfume, a cozy robe, your favorite music. Take some time to be nice to yourself !
    2 people like this.
  3. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi imalone, does your school have a guidance counsellor that you can reach out to?
    Is there a way for you to get extra help to prepare for your tests. I'm not sure how old you are, but school tests aren't everything. One test won't ruin your life.
    You can do this. *hugs*
  4. imalone

    imalone Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure whether my school has a guidance counsellor. My school is giving us lots of homework revision to do and I was feeling pretty confident until I started opening them all. I think my mind is starting to effect my work now, it might just be me being forgetful but I don't know. Thank you I really need a hug right now
  5. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Every school should have a guidance counsellor. Can you reach out to your teacher(s) or parents?
  6. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    It is easy for your mind to tell you lies when depressed and anxious. It tells you people don't care and that you can't do the work and stuff that you know you can. Then you freeze up and spend all the time you could be working on the revisions instead thinking about how many there are and that you will never get done. Try putting yourself on a strict schedule. from 8-9 i will work on this then a 10 minute break then 45 minutes of this then a break .. etc etc - and simply follow it period. It really is a choice in the end and while it is certainly easier to allow yourself to not do anything it is also possible to look at the clock and say it is tiem to open that book and do so just like in the morning when you don't want to go to school but it is time so you do. The truth is the only difference is you have to tell yourself to and then follow through and with the homework and stuff it is easier to blow it off becuase nobody knows buyt you until later. If that is what you need have somebody help you stay on the schedule by sharing it with them. The self esteem bump from actually accomplishing and doing will be far more help then anything else for you- and will teach valuable lessons in self discipline as well. Learning the difference between "cant" and "don't want to " will serve you well for many years, and if you are unable to do all by yourself then you can involve parents or others into the schedule to make it less self discipline and more compliance until you get through this rough time.
  7. imalone

    imalone Well-Known Member

    I dont feel brave enough to go to anyone, my parents are already mad at me whenever i do the slightest thing wrong.
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