I guess with this I may be killing two birds with one stone in this. Firstly, Thank you to anyone has attempted to help, but I truly am unhelpable, I have dig this pit and walked in willingly. I believe at this moment there is very little hope for me. My mind is constantly stuck upon the thoughts of whether I have enough alcohol to take what I have. A selfish thought, a selfish act, all for a selfish person. I cannot see any light at the moment, and I believe that maybe the out way is the best way. I have tried to see light, and for once maybe I did. but now, its faded as realisation keeps taking place, that I have been this way before. not once, not twice, but three times. I should have taken that as a hint really, that maybe I am not destined for amazing wonders, I am just a below average individual, a nobody, an insignificant. No matter how much I try I will remain this way. I may have a bf, but I am alone, and have never felt more alone with him. I wish ways out of such a relationship seemed plausible, but no matter what input or how I look at the situation, I am getting far more than I deserve. I deserve to be rotting in a gutter somewhere. Finally I guess I may say farewell, I have plagued you all with my presence for far to long, caused hurt, upset anger, and hate, somethings I did not wish to do, you are a wonderful community, one that does not deserve vermin such as myself, so I wish you all the best, and hope for your wellbeing.