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Thoughts are returning

A_J_R

Well-Known Member
#1
I thought I was feeling a bit better, but like an old friend, my depression is back and it's feeling so intense lately.

There's been too much change in my life and I'm extremely overwhelmed with work. That won't let up until the summer. I thought it would make a nice distraction, but I'm falling so far behind on everything. It doesn't help that one of my bosses changed the script on me for one of my projects. Something I'd worked on for weeks on was nearly completely scrapped and so I'm having to start from scratch on many portions of it.

Some of my work is public and I just a comment that criticized what I do, saying I put in hardly an effort. But I worked so hard on that project. I dunno. Everything makes me feel so fragile and I'm afraid I'm just about to break.

I'm tired and so sad, and feeling really low. I am starting to fantasize about dying again. It gives me some comfort.

And btw, people are cruel.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#2
first i'm sorry your depression is so bad right now. i, like you had many falls back into depression. if you read my early posts on my update page you'll see that i had times i would be doing ok and then slip back to a depression so deep i wasn't safe. mine was mostly triggered by pain and illness but that's not important. what's important is something triggers you, especially work and assholes.

i am a lot better now, i still sink into that pit of despair sometimes but it's rare and not as bad. so i'm saying if you keep fighting you will get better. we may always have bad depression occasionally but it can be less severe and not as often. what you need to do is treat yourself well and realize that you are a little better. you are a strong person that can make it through this.

i have to agree with you and disagree with you on people. some people are cruel and we all hope they get what's coming to them. look at this site, we have the occasional cruel person but it's very rare. most people here are good and compassionate people. i think if you started to evaluate peoples true intentions you would find a lot of good people in life. try to gravitate to kind people and keep away from bad people unless you have to.

do things that bring you joy especially when you're upset. if you ever want to talk/vent feel free to use my inbox. i hope you feel better soon.

mike...*hug*console*shake
 

KM76710

Kangaroo Manager
SF Pro
SF Supporter
#3
Sad to hear that the depression is back and affecting you so. True, work can be a bitch, but you plod on through it and hope the best for yourself. I do hope that you stop fantasizing about death and find things of whatever type that pleases you in life. I do agree, people can be cruel and most will learn in life the error of such. They will usually end up encountering someone worse than themselves then they cry and behave like they are victims. Karma/payback can and often strikes.
 

A_J_R

Well-Known Member
#4
Thank you @1964dodge and @KM76710 for responding and understanding. It means a great deal.

I do absolutely believe not all people are evil, but the one I love the most is so cruel and heartless and I'm having a hard time getting past it. Even though I haven't seen this person for awhile. I miss him so much it consumes me. And with work getting so intense, I just feel that heaviness that creeps into your heart. It's been a really rough day.

As for finding joy in something... I just don't feel joy at all anymore. Maybe that's the hardest part... losing interest in things that made you happy.

Thank you again for listening.
 

A_J_R

Well-Known Member
#5
Btw, I re-read my original post, and I think you can see I was a mess, because there's a lot of typos and dropped words. So sorry!
 

KM76710

Kangaroo Manager
SF Pro
SF Supporter
#6
I can understand a bit of that. I am schizoid personality, not much feeling or emotion. No real highs or lows. Things can distract me if they are hobbies I enjoy somewhat. It is one of the reasons I welcome Spring, astronomy is one of those hobbies I enjoy the most. Time coming to break out the telescope and view the Moon, Mars, Venus, Jupiter with the moons and Saturn with the rings.
 

A_J_R

Well-Known Member
#7
I can understand a bit of that. I am schizoid personality, not much feeling or emotion. No real highs or lows. Things can distract me if they are hobbies I enjoy somewhat. It is one of the reasons I welcome Spring, astronomy is one of those hobbies I enjoy the most. Time coming to break out the telescope and view the Moon, Mars, Venus, Jupiter with the moons and Saturn with the rings.
Astronomy is amazing, but I know only a little bit about it. I Iove all things space and sea related, because so much is unknown.
 

KM76710

Kangaroo Manager
SF Pro
SF Supporter
#8
Astronomy is amazing, but I know only a little bit about it. I Iove all things space and sea related, because so much is unknown.
Astronomy is fun, one of the things I have shared with my niece and her kids is seeing some of the planets and it not just being CGI on the PC, but with naked eyes, they get a kick out of that. Underseas. One of the questions that has come up is superpower, I want to be Aquaman, to explore the shipwrecks and sea life.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#9
Thank you @1964dodge and @KM76710 for responding and understanding. It means a great de
Astronomy is fun, one of the things I have shared with my niece and her kids is seeing some of the planets and it not just being CGI on the PC, but with naked eyes, they get a kick out of that. Underseas. One of the questions that has come up is superpower, I want to be Aquaman, to explore the shipwrecks and sea life.
and get rich from the sunken ships full of gold. that way you can take a mermaid on a fantastic date.

mike...*hug*shake
 

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