There's an interesting side-effect to this place; suicide becomes so every-day. The words "I want to die" lose all meaning, they've been heard too many times. So as I sit here and type I want to die, hoping that someone will hear that and hear how much despair I feel, I can't honestly say that I think anyone will really understand. I guess you can only hear cries for help so many times, and see people ignore the advice they're given, before they just become white noise. The funny thing is, I don't actually want to die. I only want to kill a part of me. The part of me that makes me feel dead already, the part that makes me feel detached from every other person in the world, the part that makes me feel like I don't even fit in my own skin. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of what I could be like if I just got over a few things, and I really like that person. But letting go is almost like grieving a dead loved one, finally saying goodbye to people in my past or the person that I was at times or even the person I could've been if some things hadn't happened is too painful. At times I think I can face it, but I guess I'm too much of a coward and I always run from it. If I try to be a good, kind, responsible person and fail, then the only person to blame is me. What would I do if I tried and failed? Would there be any hope after that? For me (passing no judgement on anyone else's situation) suicide is the easy way out. It's comfortable here, alone in the dark with my depression. Every day is going to be a bad one but at least I know what's coming. I could end it all, but maybe living involves more courage than I have. Or yet again maybe that's just another cop out. I don't know what I'm going to do, but things can't stay like this. They just can't.