I'm an unemployed 21 year old high school drop out ( got my GED and was in college during what would have been my senior year, but I dropped out of college too ), that does nothing but sit on his ass playing video games all day. I barely see the sun, in fact I don't think I've seen any sunlight in the past 2 weeks, possibly a month. I used to have lots of friends, but after a 2 year long world of warcraft addiction that large group has become pretty small. I'm fairly confident that if I actually got a job or went back to school and started doing something with my life that I would feel better. The problem is I can't stand being around people, if I don't know you, I don't want to know you. I have severe social anxiety until I'm actually forced into a social situation, then I seem to be fine. It's just the thought of it that sickens me. What sickens me even more is the thought of having to get up every day to grind out a 9-5, 5 days a week, for peanuts. I would rather die than have to do something that I really don't want to do almost every day of my life. But hey that's a part of life right? Well if that's the case then I don't want to be a part of life myself, because it's not worth it imo. What's the point of living if you're completely miserable and would rather just take a nice, long, permanent nap? I honestly doubt I could ever even work up the balls to do it, but then again how hard is it xxxxxxxxx? The thoughts have become more frequent and keep me up some night. I sometimes cry ( very briefly ) for no reason... Earlier today I flung a drawer across my room and made a huge mess, not that it matters because my room is already a pig sty, actually I don't even think a pig would want to live in here. I don't know if I should have myself committed or go to my GP and get a referral to see a shrink. In fact, I don't even know if I have health insurance right now, that's how out of the loop I am. What day is it again? What month? Fuck I wouldn't even know the date and time if they weren't right here in front of me, constantly reminding me of how much of my life I'm wasting and have wasted. And it's like one day I'm hopeful and feel like I might actual be going somewhere, the next I'm back in the pits wishing I would get taken out by a stray piece of shrapnel or something. Any advice would be appreciated.
P.s. Besides the fact that I have no health insurance, another thing that scares me about committing myself is that I may be forced to take meds if I'm "suicidal"? Something that I refuse to do, if I'm going to continue living I'd rather not poison my body and/or have to rely on that poison to to so. Any advice would be appreciated, thanks in advance.
P.s. Besides the fact that I have no health insurance, another thing that scares me about committing myself is that I may be forced to take meds if I'm "suicidal"? Something that I refuse to do, if I'm going to continue living I'd rather not poison my body and/or have to rely on that poison to to so. Any advice would be appreciated, thanks in advance.
