I hate my life... everything is working against me. It is just so much easier to kill my self. What is the point of living? Im 21 never had a girlfriend never kissed anyone. I have never been close to anyone in my life. Not even my mom the only person in the world I actually care about. But she hates me now... she caught me smoking weed for the 5th time. She is extremely opposed to weed... I tell her it is not a big deal. But she doesn't understand, she thinks weed is the same thing as cocaine and heroin. I want to quit weed.... but when Im sober my life just becomes so dull and boring. I am skinny as fuck and weed is the only thing that makes me eat. Without weed I just start gagging when I try to put food down. My dad I hated my whole life... I just had a fist fight with him 2 weeks ago. I don't have anybody. Being picked on my whole life has shattered my confidence. I developed social anxiety and I just feel awkward all the time. My life is full of regrets and wishing I had better. The only thing I like doing is staying home, smoking weed and playing video games. My life is going no where and I am weak and tired. I have completed 2 years of college but I just dread going back to school. My anxiety just limits me. I don't even want to go to a Doctor or therapist. I just want to avoid anything social. I of course want to improve my life but my motivation is completely gone. I gave up a while ago. Every time I start feeling sorry for my self I just feel like crying. Thoughts of suicide gives me comfort.... it really does. I need guidance.... I am lost.