Thoughts on being a 40 year old virgin

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Ziggy, Jan 8, 2011.

  1. Ziggy

    Ziggy Antiquitie's Friend

    There are many ways in which we can be happy. I wish other people could find happiness in their lives.
  2. gakky1

    gakky1 Well-Known Member

    Let me know the happy ways, I certainly can't think of any. It's really not a case of not having sex, if you were with someone you would, that's the(my) problem too, there is no one Think that the realization that when you hit and pass 40 and you've never had the other person in your life makes one(me) feel like a lesser person and that it's gonna be a long and lonely life ahead.:dry: Really think that always being alone has contributed over 90% of my problems and I can see no way out of it, thinking about it makes me feel even more of a loser which is tough to do.:sad:
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I'll be a 30 year old virgin in a couple of weeks, so I'll be there in another 10 years. Honestly, don't beat yourself up about it. If sex is really that important, there are plenty of girls out there at bars and strip clubs who would be more than willing for the right price. Better to wait for the right one.
  4. gakky1

    gakky1 Well-Known Member

    ^^ Thanks, but you get so discouraged and withdrawn after a while, now it doesn't even matter, nude centerfold could show up at my door and I'd be too ashamed to answer it.:cool: Just the fact you get older and no one has ever thought you were a good enough person to be with, not even talking sexually here, just as people being with each other, have just become so numb and self hating because of this, why bother going on if it's just gonna be such a life of emptiness.:zombie:
  5. klodo

    klodo Well-Known Member

    I think the sex is only a side issue. The main cause of the depression and misery is the loneliness and lack of hope of it ever changing for the better. Being in a relationship is all about sharing your life with someone else every day. I still cant believe that this has happened to me. I often think how many poor people must be living alone, unnoticed in the same situation and too ashamed to talk about it.
  6. gakky1

    gakky1 Well-Known Member

    ^^ Yup, you explained some of my thoughts a bit better. You're right about how many must be living alone like this, it's easy to say to them or us just go out and do something about it, just empty words, it's hard to explain to someone what's it's like having have been by yourself 100% of your life or explain that to someone you may meet.:unsure: Title of the thread was good to get us started but it's really about always being alone, I mean always.:lone:
  7. Ziggy

    Ziggy Antiquitie's Friend

    Good point. I could say reading a good book, or going to a concert makes us happy, but even if it does (and it often doesn't) then it doesn't last. So does losing your virginity make you happy, will that happiness last? I wouldn't know but I'd be surprised.

    So what does make us happy? Not being alone? Will that happiness last? But I know so many people who aren't alone, and they don't seem very happy to me. So maybe they would be better off with a good book?

    In some ways I compare happiness to playing a musical instrument, I want to learn it, try my best and at the end of the day I'm pretty shit at it but the effort is (maybe) worthwhile. So I don't know what the 'happy ways' are, and I doubt I'll achieve them, but I'd like to think I'll look back and say 'well the effort to find out was worth it'. I'm not sure though. It seems that some people are better at playing an instrument, they're better at not being alone, it's more natural, easier for them. And that's just the way life is.
  8. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    37 and will be 38 virgin soon... I am an emotional wreck anymore because I am from a big family, and the only one that is still a virgin, not married, and not having kids. I feel like a worthless guy! I cant get a date, and I refuse to just "sleep around". I want love, and I want to have kids, but the older I get, the more badly I feel that that dream is vanishing before my eyes.

    So, I started trying to date again with an online dating service, but I am not expecting anything since very few women are from my area. I had tried that years ago, but quit for the same reasons as I am having problems now. I simply have no women in my area that I see as a match for me, and even the few that are, are simply few and far between.

    So, I am really getting to the point of just saying "screw this life", and checking out! :sigh:
  9. gakky1

    gakky1 Well-Known Member

    ^^ Nice comments, exactly my thoughts but you expressed better than I could have.:cool: Like you, not looking for some cheap, one night stand, not interested in those kind of women. But it does get so much harder when you get older, the pool gets so much smaller, now I've become so beaten down because of all this I can see zero possibility of ever meeting someone, my whole life has been really destroyed because of it.:mhmm: Hate so see what your final comment was but can relate so well, have those same thoughts all the time too. Wish I could help but I can't even help myself but at least I hope it helps you that you're not the only one with those struggles.
  10. jota1

    jota1 Well-Known Member

    Dont knock a one night stand until you have tried it, lol. Not advocating this as a way of life but to get rid of that pent up tension and some cobwebs it will probably do you more good than harm.
  11. TimmyP

    TimmyP Well-Known Member

    Hey gakky1, I think jota1 is asking you for a date ;)
  12. TimmyP

    TimmyP Well-Known Member

    please don't think I'm mocking you. 34 year old virgin here.
  13. Ziggy

    Ziggy Antiquitie's Friend

    I think part of the reason I am a 40 year old virgin is that I realise that caring about other people is a very difficult thing to do. Ah, the joys of one night stands.
  14. Kendle

    Kendle Well-Known Member

    I'm curious, I don't want to offend anyone here, but several months ago I had cause to research sex surrogacy. What I found was that, while there are some surrogates that are little more than call girls (or guys), the majority of them take their calling seriously. They often work alongside therapists in a more 'hands on' approach, leading from basic social skills and confidence building, through initiation of physical contact, mutual touch, up to but not necessarily including actual sex. There is at least one organization that licenses people to become sex surrogates (International Professional Surrogates Association, IPSA for short) in the US.

    Not all of them work with therapists, and their limits vary on what they will do (some won't engage in actual sex with someone in a committed relationship, for example). I only included the wikipedia link because I don't want to promote any particular ones; I just wanted to point out that there may be a possible way to work past whatever hurdles you might have. The main downside is that they aren't cheap, and insurance isn't about to cover them :dry:

    I wish I'd've known about this long ago. It sounds like a unique and enjoyable way to help people.
  15. gakky1

    gakky1 Well-Known Member

    Wasn't really knocking one night stands, just not my thing, actually when I drank would have been in no condition to go home with someone anyhow.:mellow: Doesn't bother me as much about the sex part, it's more the never having anybody that has brought me to these depths, looking at a bunch more decades all alone has brought me to the point of why bother going on any more.:mhmm:
  16. Sephaus

    Sephaus Well-Known Member

    I have my own issues with intimacy and want nothing to do with relationships so in another 16 years I'll also be a 40 year old virgin.