Thoughts on committing suicide sometime in the future

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Marlon, Nov 2, 2010.

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  1. Marlon

    Marlon New Member

    I just turned 19. I go to a university but I've been battling social anxiety for years. I feel like I have no future because my social anxiety has made me a nervous wreck who is unable to look for a job, get a job, make money, make friends, keep friends, etc.

    I just feel like some time down the road I might commit suicide. Not soon though, I just don't see myself living past 25 or 30. The only thing that has stopped me from committing suicide the past couple years was because I do love my family, and I know they would be sad if I left them .... but they just don't give me respect for my "situation", as my dad likes to put it.

    Anyone else ever feel like this? Where you don't plan on committing suicide now, but you don't see yourself living past a certain age?
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 2, 2010
  2. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    I've always planned that I'd commit once I got to 18. Because then I can pretty much do anything. But that chances of me actually making it till are fairly slim.

    Right now, my biggest threat is suicide. Not getting hit by a car, or cancer, or getting shot(even though I could inflict most of them upon myself). I'll probly die by my own hand unless my life takes a turn for the better.

    What's this 'situation'? As your dad calls it.
  3. dragonfly70

    dragonfly70 Well-Known Member

    I've never felt like I would do it by a particular age, but for a long time now I've felt like it is inevitable. Like it's a matter of not if, but when. I've been struggling with suicidal feelings since I was 14. I am now 40 years old. I never thought I'd make it this far, but here I am. I was pretty anxious socially as a teenager. It has gotten better over the years with therapy. Have you been in any sort of therapy or tried any sort of medication for your anxiety?

    What are you studying at school? Some occupations require less interaction with people than others. You said you attend a university, so I'm assuming it's a fairly large school then. Have you considered transferring to a smaller school?

    Try not to let your father get to you. Some people simply don't understand what it is like to feel this way. Do you live at home or on campus? Is there a mental health clinic you can access at school?

    I'm glad to hear that you do not want to end your life just yet. Hang on to that feeling. There is hope for social anxiety. Seek help. Start with your primary care doctor or the school clinic. They can give you other resources in your area.

    When you go to your classes today, congratulate yourself for making it out the door. Every step counts.

  4. lapazyelamor

    lapazyelamor Well-Known Member

    let me offer some advice on how you can beat the system , your only 19 which isnt too young to give up but your still young enough to make a new beginning, i felt the same as you at 19 and its only now at 30 that im giving up and for real because i had my life to make things better and i didnt so now im giving up , if i had my time over again i would do things so differently because now at 30 i see things differently and you will too as you get older, you need to find some strength and let your parants know how you feel, my life fell apart becauase my parants especially my non existant father could have helped me but didnt , get your dad to take you on a holiday to the other side of the world, that will open your eyes to the possibilitys you have in this life, you have to be a tough bitch to survive and you can if you persevere, stay away from hard drugs and keep an eye out for a woman and some sex at any chance you get and dont ever give up on yourself if your strong the woman will come out of the woodwork and throw themselves at you no matter what you look like , dont fall for the thinking "im not good looking enoufgh" which a lot of young males struggle with as did i, remember the game is in your head if you can make yourself into a tough bitch youll be ok life is all about relationships dont let your mates down ,once you look into the eyes of a woman that wants you you will be healed but you wont be any good to them depressed or anxious look at what you do have and what you can be if you put your mind to it be wise with your money and if you have bad anxiety stand up for yourself to the doctors and make sure you get the right anti anxiety medication and not somer wacky antidepresant... all the best
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 2, 2010
  5. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    I've put a line in bold there because it reminded me of the song 'All the Young Dudes' by Mott the Hoople. There's a line in the song which says 'Don't wanna stay alive when you're 25'
    I think that feeling of never getting beyond 25/30 is really common amongst young adults and always has been. David Bowie wrote that song in the early 1970's and it summed up how a whole generation felt. You'll notice that Bowie is still alive now though :smile:
    Social Anxiety is very common but the good news is that you can do a lot to help treat it. Therapy, particularly stuff like cognitive behavioural therapy (which you can do online) is great for helping you cope with the feelings and overcome them.
    You have to 'unlearn' certain behaviour patterns and though not easy, it can be done.
    If you're in Uni, there should be lots of help available for you. Sign up for the help and look upon 'unlearning your behaviour patterns' as part of your degree. It will help. x
  6. LillMy8989

    LillMy8989 Well-Known Member

    With the exception of feeling anxiety in the social I can see with your eyes whats bothering you, and we do have much in common, family is my very reason for living too and just can't (that is the hardest).

    Right now i am looking for an apartment in another city I just wanna move to in future but it is just to hard and I wish I could move here and now cause I can't no more live like this, I hate my now-living and it's no future in that, a small city can't make me happy no more, I wanna move on, feel like I'm flying crossing all streets mistakes I have done, make a new life, you should too. :)

    Feels great (somehow) no one can takes your dreams and thoughts away, but make them real only takes me down from scratch. :sad:
  7. Marlon

    Marlon New Member

    Bad social anxiety. I don't ever go out anymore. I just go to school and come home. I lost touch with everyone I know besides family.

    Yes I have been to a psychiatrist (or psychologist, whichever). They stopped sending me though after 3 sessions ($80 per) because it was "too expensive". Although a few months later my parents were quick to spend $20,000 on my sister to make a room for her studies downstairs. I guess that sounds a bit snobby of me...

    I feel the same way, moving somewhere new gives you a chance to start over again. Some sense of optimism
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 2, 2010
  8. lapazyelamor

    lapazyelamor Well-Known Member

    If I had of been on xanax at 19 my whole life would have been saved,get some xanax and don't accept anything less
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree with the last replier.. Have your doctor put you on xanax or klonopin..I suffer from socialphobia, agoriphobia, and paranoia.. Since I have been on xanax I seem to be able to handle people more.. Given it is mostly my family who I never spoke to because of my problems..I'm still working on talking to strangers.. I practice at the grocery store kidding around with the cashiers..I still isolate myself dailey but that is something I am working at..I give you credit that you are able to get out and not isolateing...Have you thought about doing some volunteer work??It would keep you social.. I had two interviews set up to work at an ALF ( Adult Living Facility)..When it came time to go I just couldn't do it.. Don't give up and keep talking here..
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Marlon,

    I can definitely relate to your situation, it ain't a good place to be. The good news is social anxiety can be treated. Have you tried therapy, CBT, self help books or meditation. For me I find the self help sheets and books the best.
    Never give up on yourself. xx
  11. All these mixed emotions

    All these mixed emotions Well-Known Member

    i get how you feel, when i was in school i never tought that i would make it past 20...

    but here i am 26 and i feel i made right choice to stay alive, even if the road has been filled with problems and sorrow. But its better to have been loved than not ever had loved. And for that feeling i could wait a 1000 years just for another 15 minutes of it.

    I still wanna die, but as age comes so does selfcontrol, but still the darkness gets to me sometimes, i just try and not act under impulses.

    hang tight it will be better

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