thoughts on planning and the future

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by kittenette, Apr 24, 2012.

  1. kittenette

    kittenette Well-Known Member

    Didn't really know where to put this, it felt like I needed advice but at the same time I maybe just wan to Say it

    I'm finding it difficult to get anything done that involves anything with consequence which will only effect me. In the future or planning for anything that might or is going to happen within the next few months because most of my existence involves me wanting to be dead, thinking about dieing and planning my suicide, so whenever anything come up my first reaction is just to think well its not likely to effect me because I'll be dead by then anyway and I can't seem to motivate myself to think any different. My family and friends are unaware of this dilemma so become annouyed at me for forgetting to do things or being slow at doing thwm, not caring much about these things. Which just makes me feel like a terrible friend for not caring about the things they do and just feeling like they'd be better off without me anyway which doesn't help.

    I just can't get behind anything I just want to fade away..
     
  2. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    You are seeking some sort of help hopefully as this will help get your life back on track.Maybe to open up to your family and friends to might help as they can understand where your at.You really do need some help espicially with suicidal thoughts as ive been down same path and still am getting fair bit of help myself as these thoughts can become very draining and dangerous.I have a councillor a theripist and a peer support worker and of coarse me doc.Takes a fair bit of work to get yourself back on track but its worth it.
     
  3. kittenette

    kittenette Well-Known Member

    Seeing the doctor on friday and I've been trying to write down what I'm going to say but it seems so long away I want my suicide to be planned anyway but somedays like today I've spend time watching the trains and just thinking it could be that easy.. But I don't want to be scraped off the tracks either..

    I guess I just can't really believe in the help right now
     
  4. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    I m glad your seeing doc will be a good start and writing down what you want to say is a good idea.Suicide aint an easy option and to jump in front of a train you would prob cause that poor operator grief for the rest of their lives.Treatment works as you might not think so now but in time you do start to get your life back to normal.As i said before takes a little work but finding the right supportr can help you get through this tough time.
     
  5. kittenette

    kittenette Well-Known Member

    i wouldnt do it that way... but its just kind of a nice feeling in a messed up way that i could.. like i used to like standing on the bridge above the road and just thinking i could just step over and it would be over