Didn't really know where to put this, it felt like I needed advice but at the same time I maybe just wan to Say it I'm finding it difficult to get anything done that involves anything with consequence which will only effect me. In the future or planning for anything that might or is going to happen within the next few months because most of my existence involves me wanting to be dead, thinking about dieing and planning my suicide, so whenever anything come up my first reaction is just to think well its not likely to effect me because I'll be dead by then anyway and I can't seem to motivate myself to think any different. My family and friends are unaware of this dilemma so become annouyed at me for forgetting to do things or being slow at doing thwm, not caring much about these things. Which just makes me feel like a terrible friend for not caring about the things they do and just feeling like they'd be better off without me anyway which doesn't help. I just can't get behind anything I just want to fade away..