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Thoughts on toxic relationships

MosesY

Functioning Alcoholic
SF Supporter
#1
I used to work with a man named Tim, we became friends, he was desperate for friendship. His mother tolerated him, the rest of his family did not. I soon learned why. I became seperated from my wife and moved in with my mother. He said he had a house to himself and I could move in with him, I did. I soon learned why he had no friends. He would stay up till midnight or so and then take 3 or 4 sleeping pills and it was my job to get him up at 4:30 am to go to work. It was my job to drive him to work so he could sleep on the way to work. One morning I was unable to get him up to go to work and when he finally got up and came to work he told me I had two days to move out of his house. I found the place I am in now, I am happy here, I have friends. About 6 months ago he emailed me that he needed new drawer slides in one cabinet in his kitchen, it had 6 drawers. They were RV drawer slides and had broken. I spent 2 months off and on finding a slide that would work. I went there and installed one to make sure it would work. Yesterday I finished installing the drawer slides, they are brand new now. He is living on disability, I know he can't afford it, so I paid for the slides myself and didn't charge him anything for the labor. I used up 3 days of vacation time to do this. I figured he would be happy with it but no. When I was done with the drawer slides he asked me to help lift some heavy barrels onto his truck. No problem, it only took 5 minutes. Then he asked me to clip his hair off with clippers. This is where I became a little queasy but I agreed to do it. We sat in the bathroom, he is bisexual, and got an erection while I clipped his hair off. I am not gay in any way, I just like women, it is the way I was born. After I was done clipping off his hair he asked me to shave his head. This is where I drew the line. I told Him I had other things to do, he could shave his own head, and went and did my grocery shopping then on home. It is just a matter of time before he asks me for something else. He wants companionship and yet it is all one sided' he wants someboody to do things for him, to rule over them, and be their master. I don't understand why I don't just block him from everything and never see him again.
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#3
I used to work with a man named Tim, we became friends, he was desperate for friendship. His mother tolerated him, the rest of his family did not. I soon learned why. I became seperated from my wife and moved in with my mother. He said he had a house to himself and I could move in with him, I did. I soon learned why he had no friends. He would stay up till midnight or so and then take 3 or 4 sleeping pills and it was my job to get him up at 4:30 am to go to work. It was my job to drive him to work so he could sleep on the way to work. One morning I was unable to get him up to go to work and when he finally got up and came to work he told me I had two days to move out of his house. I found the place I am in now, I am happy here, I have friends. About 6 months ago he emailed me that he needed new drawer slides in one cabinet in his kitchen, it had 6 drawers. They were RV drawer slides and had broken. I spent 2 months off and on finding a slide that would work. I went there and installed one to make sure it would work. Yesterday I finished installing the drawer slides, they are brand new now. He is living on disability, I know he can't afford it, so I paid for the slides myself and didn't charge him anything for the labor. I used up 3 days of vacation time to do this. I figured he would be happy with it but no. When I was done with the drawer slides he asked me to help lift some heavy barrels onto his truck. No problem, it only took 5 minutes. Then he asked me to clip his hair off with clippers. This is where I became a little queasy but I agreed to do it. We sat in the bathroom, he is bisexual, and got an erection while I clipped his hair off. I am not gay in any way, I just like women, it is the way I was born. After I was done clipping off his hair he asked me to shave his head. This is where I drew the line. I told Him I had other things to do, he could shave his own head, and went and did my grocery shopping then on home. It is just a matter of time before he asks me for something else. He wants companionship and yet it is all one sided' he wants someboody to do things for him, to rule over them, and be their master. I don't understand why I don't just block him from everything and never see him again.
I think you feel bad for him, maybe @mosey? Also, I think you're not judgemental.

It's like a close acquentaince I had in my house last year. I picked her up from a pretty bad hotel bcz her boyfriend was hurting her. I lugged all her shit in my car, and 2 cats and a dog 2 my 1300 sq ft home. She was on the phone the next day with him, the cats left pe stains on the wood floor, she even took the broom that I left for her to sweep once I gave her a deadline to leave. And i still worry about her, because shes naive in that arra and has 0 self esteem.

But, your friend, come to think of it sounds manipulative. It's a shame he couldn't reach out somewhere for some program or even church for companionship. I think he's draining to you. Maybe you'd be doing him a kindness to let him help himself and truly make yourself busy. The gay thing us totally unfair to you. He's lucky you didn't punch him out, just sayin.
 

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