Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MoAnamCara, Mar 25, 2013.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Here I am again. A complete mess. These thoughts are going over and over and I want them to go away. Will I ever act on them? Perhaps, who knows. Impulsiveness can be my friend And my enemy. I don't know what way to turn or what to do or anything. I've been stuck in this one position most of the morning. Staring out a window, mind on overload and just stuck. Dot know what to do, how to get moving. I don't know. It's so rediculous. Only thing I know to do is take meds and go to bed. I can't go on like this all the time.
  2. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Sometimes it is too easy to get caught up in forever and "the rest of your life". With the daily and weekly struggle to continue to fight that hard for that long is nearly impossible to contemplate.
    Worry less about forever and how long it will continue to be a struggle. You are a live today - right now. Do something - go to the mailbox or sit on the porch to see outside instead of through the window for 5 minutes. Then you can lay down again when you are ready saying you did try and you did do something. Use the few hours when can't be in bed to do anything- and it will help break you into the habit of looking for something instead of waiting and watching nothing. My thing is to find a song I haven't heard in years that I like on your tube. It is not really doing anything but it is doing instead of watching. When you do you get bored and find something else to do. When you watch you feel despair at all you haven't done.

    Take Care and Be Safe

  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thank you... makes perfect sense... I've work to do but can't face it... and other stuff. I think I allow all to get to a stage that its like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill and should chip away at the molehill bit by bit. Thanks again.
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    One step at a time... even if you do something small, like sit outside, take a walk... it will still break you out of that mold of being stuck.
  5. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thanks, its just in the moment its so difficult to think clearly.

    In the meantime I've really messed up one of my last irl friendships. Or what I thought was a friendship. I called someone out on something that hurt me a lot and its gone kaboom. So, my smart actions strike again.

    And in the midst of unclear thinking today I wrote family explaining my difficulties etc. And I've heard zip back. Why do I do these things that are just going to hurt me more I have no clue. I should know better.

    I'm really just thinking it IS me. It HAS to be. I really must be who and what I think I am. So yes, while I can divert my attention I can't walk away from what IS.

    The solution? I think we can all guess.
  6. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    No chance you could talk to you irl friend and tell them you're sorry and feel you were harsh or mistaken or whatever the real feeling is you're having? Maybe they'll understand?

    I don't think you're thoughts are going to be kind to you ~ seems that's the way this damn stuff works unfortunately. Would be great if we thought the crappy things but really believed the opposite. I know we probably fall somewhere in the middle but the bad always seems easier to believe and I don't think we're right in that. :(

    Sorry - this probably isn't very helpful. I understand the feelings and the delay in responses from family/friends only makes me too think the worst of my thoughts is the reality...
  7. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thanks Much Afraid

    I reached out to them today and got shot down. I apologized but was told pretty much they'd nothing to say to me.

    Anyhow, thanks so much.
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    If your "friend" is reacting that way, they're not worthy of your friendship. Part of being a true friend is listening, even when the other person tells you something you may not want to hear. If you were hurt or upset, you had every right to say how you felt.
  9. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thanks wildcherry.... I honestly believe sincerely I am right in what I did. I talked with my t about it and they said what you said above. I tried an olive branch today because I was doubting myself so much, but I got hit with it instead of it being accepted. Idk, my p never liked the person so that should say enough for me. I think I hold on because I have so few people around me irl.

    I'm not sure, maybe it is me as I said before. I wish I could just go. Permanently.

    But, thanks.
  10. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi mo. I just found this thread. I do not believe for a second that it is you :hug: I am sorry your irl "friend" behaved like this. As you said, your p never liked her. So thats saying something right there. As you said, you hold on because you have so few people irl. sighs. I am sorry. AND I am very sorry that your family treats you the way they do. This says a lot about them. not you. But it does add fuel to your fires of self doubt etc. I am going to say that your family does not deserve someone as caring and good as you. There, I said it !

    Please keep going Mo. Do not give up. you deserve good friends irl. Just keep going. Because you are needed. And I know that may sound cruel. But it also is true. you ARE needed.
  11. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    Mo, I'm so sorry they weren't receptive. I'm always hopeful people are nicer than they sometimes act. :( You deserve nice, loving, supportive people in your life. Stick with us; we love you! :hug: ♥
  12. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thank you all...

    After discussing this issue again with someone, I'm just going to let it go. Its not "my" issue. So, there we go. :D
  13. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    great, Mo. And it honestly is true. Its not your problem. Part of the cirriculum for the classes I took was "its not my problem". Thats a hard one for so many of us to learn. But it is the truth. It is not your issue. It is theirs. and it is their loss also. they lose out on someone as good hearted as you,
  14. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    always go one step at a time if that helps start with the little things to start rebuilding your life. Remeber suicide is not the answer and its pernament there's no turning back.
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