Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by MoAnamCara, Aug 2, 2014.

  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Today is my friends birthday. She isn't here any more, she took her life. I still feel immense guilt and sadness. I heard from her a couple of days before she left. Things seemed a bit better for her. But we all know how that roller-coaster goes. I should have been there for her, but I wasn't. There is much I should have done but I didn't. I definitely failed her as a friend, particularly because she was my only childhood friend I had always remained in touch with. I'm angry I didn't see, I was blind, i did not help.

    Happy birthday Raisin....I miss you and all we shared very much.
  2. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry to hear of your loss... I know it won't help much--& it could be that you've already thought of it this way--but if the situation were reversed, would you want her sitting there feeling responsible for you? I bet you gave her much more comfort than you now realize; even in her final days. I know when I was getting close to making that decision in the past, it was only those I cared about the most with whom I chose to communicate. Take it easy on yourself, if you can. I'm sure you're a fabulous friend.
  3. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Mo, I am sorry that your friend suicided. I think you know the saying " hindsight is 20/20 ". If we only could have it to do over again. With the knowledge we now have.

    The suicide of a friend of family member is more often than not accompanied by the feeling you described. "If only I had....." The guilt. The remorse. This is the legacy that loved ones of suicide endure. This is one of the cruel things about sucide. The guilt and remorse that haunts the loved ones and friends. Guilt and remorse in addition to the other feelings of grief.

    I am so sorry your friend passed from her own hand. I wish I had the ability to send a message to you from her. Because I believe with all my heart that her thoughts and words would set you free from all feelings of guilt and remorse. :hug:
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I am very sorry for your loss. Don't judge by if's and but's, you did not know she was going to end her life. Her ending her life is entirely her responsibility but to those left behind it is a nightmare. Never blame yourself ''I could have did this or that'' because you don't know. No matter what anyone could have said or done for her, she could have still killed herself. Hugs :hug: I bet you were a great friend!!
  5. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Sorry for your loss, happy birthday to your friend. Wondering about what ifs wont change the result. She would not want you to live with that guilt. (Hugs)
  6. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thank you all for your very kind thoughts and words which are hard to digest and harder to believe she has gone, even after some years.