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~pointless rant. maybe i do it to feel a small sense of accomplishment? i dont kno i dont even kno what it feels like to succed.

ill continue to hold on to these few small superficial things keeping me here. i feel as if im on this road to nowhere being alone or living with my mom for the rest of my life. its inevitable. i wont change cause though i say i want to i dont try and dont really care. i guess my plan is to float on as long as i can then eventually kill myself when these lopeholes close up for me. all i see in life are things that need reparing and flaws. i can thank my mom for that im exactly like her. content with my sad existence and dont care about anything outside this little life bubble i live in. im scared to see what ill turn into cause i can already tell its just going to get worse. but thats ok ill be gone before i let myself turn into something of the sort. oh well im going back to my bubble and gonna smoke some trees and observe these happy beings lives and read their cruel thoughts they have towards everything in existence. some ppl love to hate and love to mess with ppl just to get a rise out of them, i hate those ppl.
ive noticed ill look for drama subconciously yet i hate confrintation(sp?). im a peaceful person and too soft to exist in this place. i sicken myself with my selfishness and lack of empathy except when i want something. its too late for me to change and im done. im going to get high. sorry if you have to censor this post but i dont really care. its wrong to hide the truth from ppl and its all ppl have done to me my whole life.

so much anger.
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