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Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by LetItGo, Sep 23, 2007.

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  1. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    1) Was saying to someone earlier.

    "People say drinking brings on depression, for me, not drinking brings on depression"

    Thing is, ive had my week of teasing the little devil to the surface and its time to put him back in the bottle. Starting tomorrow I plan to go sober for the foreseeable future, but something tells me its not gonna be plain sailing. Something tells me the little devil will set out to bring me undone...the time honoured combination of water, barley and hops. Time will tell.

    2) I hate working, I love it, and i hate it. Anything to occupy my time is a gift right now, but the nature of doing something totally meaningless for 8 hours a day is gonna dawn on me sooner or later, and thats when I start setting myself up for failure. Start plotting and marking the time when i toss the towel in. A sensible person might say i should have persisted with uni, but the truth is, I would have hated the careers i had planned for myself anyway. I cant win.

    3) Reading the paper and ive just realized how fucking stale this culture is of ours. 200 pages of nothing. Houses and cars, are we completely obsessed yet? I usually look to the Weekender for a source of something semi interesting to read. The only highlights were articles on Mia Dyson, a blues singer, reinventing herself somewhat, and one on Marilyn Manson...his album, divorce etc...Other than that, good for toilet paper and little else. Someone needs to take the defrib machine to this place asap.

    4) That same vision again :sad: WTF is this about? Loss? I hope thats all it is.

    Im outside a nightclub, she casually walks out, lights a cigarette and hangs by the kurb, just smoking, happy, smiling. All perfectly normal. Im on the other side of the street. Im not sure if im stalking, im there to pick her up, meet her or what the story is.

    Anywayz, im just observing. Out of nowhere this fucking lunatic runs over and starts bailing her up, striking her on the face. Im too far away to do anything, and by the time i get over there, shes laying on the ground and his fled the scene. Shes dead :cry:

    This isnt the first time ive had this...it troubles me, tonight it was so vivid, i starting crying. I cant handle the thought of anything like that happening.

    Its so simple, violent and random...I just wish i knew what this was about.

    Its always the same, and it always ends with me holding her, and crying my eyes out.

    5) Final thought.

    Should be proud of myself for making it this far, being this way for so long, but you know what? I stink of two words "monumental failure" in every possible way...
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    You are only a failure if you give up. You aren't giving up you're out there and getting on with it. I'm DAMN PROUD OF YOU!!!
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I agree with Terry MJ. You are not a failure. Someday you may find a job you actually enjoy doing and that you don't feel is a waste of your 8 hours. I don't know what that is for you, but don't give up trying. You are right that it will not be a bed of roses to give up drinking, but I am so proud of you for setting that goal and moving forward with it.Alcohol does increase depression. It may not seem that way when you are so used to it being a part of your life. Many drink to forget. So when you no longer have that it feels like your depression increases. In the long run you will be better off without it. We will be here to support you through this. Please take care. :hug: I wish you the best of luck. :hug:
  4. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Drinking on occasion is not a bad thing Matt, but drinking alot in excess is. That's good that you want to stop, I"ll be here to keep you inline.

    Work isn't meant to be a joyous occasion. Look, only a few people in life actually do what they love, you have to be able to find a happy medium between loving and hting your job. You havemade it so far since I"ve first talked to you.

    Like terry said you are only a failure if you give up and honestly i just don't see that in you.
  5. Fatman1966

    Fatman1966 Antiquitie's Friend

    Drinking with others is one thing, drinking alone is another.

    Alcohol is a depresant, not a stimulant, I used to read that and think, thats rubbish, I always get quite merry when I have been drinking, but now, especialy when Im on my own, I have felt the dark side of excessive drinking, something I'm not proud of, god knows what its doing to my insides.

    Drink to excess, constanly, only magnifies the pain

    Hence I don't buy spirits anymore or have them in the house and the way things are going, I'll soon have to start thinking about having no booze in the house at all.
  6. ybt

    ybt Guest

    You appear to me, of course I hope I don't sound like the huge authority on everything, but you appear to me to be an incredibly smart and perceptive person. It is true that you view our modern culture with somewhat of a disdainful glance but that will hopefully, if you're determined, which you absolutely seem to be, a rare thing on this site, help more than you know. Keep trying to meet your ends, and you should be able to get there soon.
  7. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

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