I've liked coming here from time to time. I'm getting to the point where I've had my ups and downs, and I'm getting tired of the "ups", because they lead me to... here. I don't mean "here" as in this website, I mean "here" as in this place inside. I'm divorced now. Two children. What kind of freaking worthless human being divorces their husband when the child is 6 months old? And then lets him be raised by said husband's best friend? What kind of peice of shit woman sleeps with my best friend over and over while I am trying to recover in a crisis center knowing my wife and family are leaving me? That's what drove me there in the first damn place. Knowing there was some asshole moving in, and not knowing who it was... and then finding out after I get out... nice pie in the face there, huh. Now here I am, happy as hell, right? Trying to put on this great christian image of what I am supposed to be doing, and no strength to do it. Marriage is fucked, the church is in bed with it by doing NOTHING to curb what is going on. I think about the pastor that will marry my wonderful adulterous ex-wife and her new soon to be husband... and consider him a complete waste of sperm. It's just more money for the offering plate... buy off those sins, eh? "Adultery is forgiveable" the wife self-righteously proclaims... well bitch, so is suicide then, eh? I am so fucking twisted right now... I'm only human... and I'm trying my best to deal with things... Nothing like past due child support staring you in the face... hard to keep a job when you're fucking SUICIDAL... And I'm the dumb bastard that can't even seem to be able to handle taking care of my 1 year old boy without freaking out. What a waste. No woman will want a guy like me... without wanting something "extra"... money? Car? Always is that way... always fucking will be. The new husband to be is a "good provider"... that's nice... so was I... just not as much money there. Fuck money. Where I'm going won't need it anymore... take all you want that I have then... I won't be needing it. I think guys like me should just die and get it over with... make room for all those coveted "alpha males". Even the biology of it all is retarded. I almost feel like ending it all will be my way of giving the big finger to nature... how fucking retarted. I'd laugh out loud if it wasn't true. Jesus, I hate everything... and everyone... I've struggled all of my life, and at 40 I'm still a "boy" inside... all because being a man is the unpardonable sin from my man hating single mother who raised me. Why the FUCK was I even allowed to be born to see any of this... without any tools, resources, or hope to deal with it. I admit, I'm angry at God... and love Him at the same time... I know my view of Him is all fucked up... I wish it weren't... I wish it was healthy. Hell, I wish I was healthy. All I am is broken and alive. I wish I had faith, and hope. I really do. I've prayed for it... I can't get over it... I believed in marriage... one man, one woman, one family for life. With my broken dreams... what do I care about a better tomorrow? A happy second change at marriage and love? I spit at it. Straight in the fucking face. Hell I read on the internet that women are happier alone. You know, men are shit... and I am one of them... what a fucking mistake I am... all you fucking feminists WIN, ok? I'm going out, OK? Now leave me in PEACE... if there is any justice, I'll be waiting upstairs with a BAT for when you get here. Men are this, men are that... are there any REAL men? Men, men, men, men, men. We are all so damn EVIL, aren't we? Responsible for ALL bad things... always will be, right? We are the abusers, the molesters, the don't provide well enough, damned if you do, damned if you dont... I get the impression women would be better off without us. Hey, a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. Ah, the story of my life... in a beautiful quote by none other than my hero (pukes) Gloria Steinam. Well ladies... we are dirt, aren't we? Well, here's one mother fucker you won't be sexually tempted by nor can blame... I'm about sick of it all, and frankly I think there is one cure, and one alone.