Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Blood-Stained, Jun 1, 2009.

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  1. Blood-Stained

    Blood-Stained New Member

    Suicide runs through my family, and has already taken over my grandfather who I loved dearly. It has devestated my now divorced parents of a month who I never wanted to divorce anyway. I have expressed my feelings of suicidality to them and they won't get me anti-depressants, but a therapist, after 4 weeks, talking to her is pointless. It doesn't relieve the fact that 4 of my best friends hate me because I am always depressed or decided to dress emo/goth now, a girl that I have loved for a straight year and a half doesn't really care about me despite that I told her my feelings 4 times before, she somehow thinks I'm gay. I have never gone out with any of the 14 girls I have asked out, unless you count being stood up as a date. I don't know what to do, I have a endorphin effeciancy and nobody wants to help or seems to care. I have been yelled at 5 times because I cut myself, not because I might fuck up, but because it hurts THEIR feelings. I think about killing myself everyday and I have for just about the past 4 years. I have been so depressed that I never want to work and I put aside my school work always to the point where I have officially closed the line for me being able to pursue my one and only dream. I have been bullied throughout my whole life and everyone calls me weird or fucked up and try to avoid me. I have only my family left to care if I die. I tried killing myself before, and for fuck's sake I'm 14, if anyone has any thoughts or concerns u can call me my screen name, grey, or greg.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Is there anyone in your family who will listen to what you have to say?

    Therapy really can help, but only if you have the right therapist. If it's one that you don't connect with, it won't do a lot of good.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and sound like such a desent and bright person...did you just start dressing/being different recently? this would take some time for ppl to adjust you have any counsellor in your school to talk to? also, if you do not find this therapist helpful, and you have truly been available during the sessions, please tell your parents so that someone more appropriate can be of luck to you and please PM me if I can be there for you in any way...big hugs, J
  4. justafool

    justafool Well-Known Member

    I would love to know what your "one and only dream" is.

    I think emo/goth guys are very cool. If I were a kid in your school, I would want to get to know you. (I'm many years past school, just to be clear.) There are to be sure some kids who would like to know you if you can identify them and seek them out.

    Suicide runs in my family as well, and it has always been a part of who I am. So I understand what a psychological burden it is. You have some very tough things to deal with. But you don't have to deal with it all alone. Just believe that, because it is true.
  5. Blood-Stained

    Blood-Stained New Member

    I have opened to my family numerous times, but it seems they don't care. As I said above, they only got me a therapist, and I don't feel much of a connection, but I'm too nervous or shy to get another one.
    After I decided to dress emo/goth too, the only people that really mattered to me pushed me away cause I'm a freak. I have loved that type of apparel for a long time and when I finally got the guts to do it, all my friends started treating me weirder. One day I got a text asking why I decided to dress like that and I opened up to him, he called me selfish and f'd up and told all my friends... I found it hard to even try looking them in the eye when they told me I couldn't sit with them At lunch anymore. I have made new friends, but not much, I truly cared for the ones who cast me aside and I am still upset about it everyday.
    My one and only dream was to be a doctor, I got straight "F's" this year cause of how bad I wanted to just screw school and deal with life. Instead now I am away all summer with my family and I can't take summer school, do I have to take 9th grade non-AP stuff as a sophmore, essentially retaking my classes for the year. I can't imagine any good college looking at that and thinking that's doctor material.
    Thanks for all the caring and responses :)
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 2, 2009
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