Thoughts.

Ive been considering suicide for sometime now, In June i lost my girlfriend of four years, right after loosing her dad, who was basically my dad. Tonight i held my uncles hand as he passed away from cancer, My uncle was the closest thing i had to a family member. Now this could just be a really hard time, but then i think about it, and in November, 2006, I held my best friend as she overdosed on heroine, and before that, another great friend of mine committed suicide. And two more before that. It seems everyone i get close too, i loose. Which, since June, i haven't gotten close to anyone, I don't like talking to people anymore, When i go out, chances are I'm by myself, or with my one, and really only good friend, who has been there for me through everything. But i've turned cold, and have completely lost the will to live, each night if i manage to catch some sleep, i pray i don't wake up, walking down the street i think, just step onto the road, and it all ends. But i cant bring myself to do it, i don't know why, But every time i think about stepping onto that street, or other things, i always tell myself tomorrow, tomorrow it will happen. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, and I'm very quickly growing tired. and sick of it, of the world. Everything in it, i cant even enjoy a movie anymore without these god damn thoughts running through my head. I just don't know what to do, where to go, anymore. I started drinking very heavily, smoking like a train. and where to go from here. I have no idea.

 

Welcome to the forums!! Are you under a doctors care?? I think you should call your local phsyc ward and get some names and phone numbers for therapists in your area..A good theapist can help you put things in perspective.. They can teach you coping skills.. I applaud you being strong enough to keep telling yourself tomorrow..Suicide is not the answer.. I have been down that path three times..Today I still only have the friends I have made here on the forum..I have learned to face my thoughts head on and to put the negative ones behind me on a dailey basis.. I think you will find that there are several members here who fight those thoughts on a dailey basis..Let us help support you..If you are down then come on here and vent your frustations..Or you can PM any of us and we will stick by you until this passes..Take care..

 

Losing people like that puts us in shock. That is why we feel so numb. It takes time to walk through it. My mom believes in putting photos of people she has lost on the wall and celebrate their life and take comfort in the good memories even if it makes her cry sometimes.

:hug:

 

Welcome to the forums my friend, I'm sorry to hear your story. You've been through so much, and you're still here, fighting for your life (just by coming here and reaching out you're fighting so don't you dare say otherwise!). As the other said, I really believe you should see a therapist or grief cousellour. It'll help you deal with all the grief you're feeling now.

Also, if your drinking and smoking gets out of hand, you should really seek help for that before there's no turning back. The best tough, would be for you to quit it right here and right now. It can only hurt more than it heals. I know, I was there, I still am. If you need an addiction, take a heathy one instead like a hobby there must be something you'd like to do right? Maybe it's time you start spicing your life alittle by adding something new to your routine.

Keep posting my friend, about anything your mind wanders to. We'll be here to listen (read) and advise as best as we can. You can also PM me at anytime you feel like it. Be strong!

 

Thank you all, And i have seen two phycologists, both have called me a liar to my face, Which is why i wont go down that road, that and i don't have the money to afford them.I smoke around a pack a day, and drink roughly half a bottle of crown royal a night, And i used to have a hobby, i used to race dirt bikes, and then my bike got stolen when the house i was living it, its garage got broken into it.
I just really don't know where to turn, or what to do anymore.

 

Thanks to those that tried to help.

 

Hey man I have the same feelings as you and I also used to race. Nothing is fun anymore, not movies, not hanging out, nothing. I also don't talk to people, I've ignored all my friends for a couple months now, turned off my phone and stuff. It's weird behavior I know, but I just do it.

Just want to let you know you're not alone and this fucking sucks.