Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by twofeet, Aug 19, 2011.
What for you is the first thing that starts the roll toward a suicide fight?
By suicide fight I'm assuming your talking about thoughts of suicide?
Not much has to trigger something. Usually it's something someone might say. But most of the time it's just a general 'exit plan', when things eventually get bad.
The first step in me moving toward suicide is that I wish I had a physical injury that someone could see so they would know I was hurting and surfing the web about suicideinkrose:. I was just reading a book that described steps toward suicide. I guess I would have to put my first inclination at step zero.
1. self-harm behavior with subconscious suicidal intent (could be stepping out onto the road without looking first for example)
2. suicidal ideation (thoughts but passive)
3. suicidal intent (active, thinking about plans)
4. Preparatory acts toward imminent suicide
5. interrupted suicide attempt (no physical harm happens in this step)
6. nonfatal suicidal attempt (actual attempt that doesn't work)
7. completed suicide
all of this came from Living with Depression by Deborah Serani
fear i guess. unknown fear of everything that grips my heart and all i can think of is dying.
i skipped step 1 and gone to step 6 now lolz
With me its always a social group or situation. Somebody says or does not say something or looks or does not look at me funny and I am off on the Toad Head, "You must be the ugliest person in the world. Why do you bother to be alive in this world of true people? Man, you are shockingly lazy, stupid and the wrong skin color. When are you going to give the world a break?"
This goes on and on, has in the past gone on for months at a time with me slung in the middle of two Screamers, a bottle of pills and enough money to make it out to the desert. I tried to just replace the Toad Head; now I am learning to live with her, sometimes make fun of her and, sometimes, on really really wild days, ignore her and run off with my friends.
toopainfultolive, I hope you get to feeling better. I know it really hurts.
Anxiety and worries building up. Being under pressure. Falling behind. Frightened of failing. Anxiety attacks when in social situations. I then buy pills for comfort so I know they are there if I need them. Start taking overdoses that aren't enough to kill me but could possibly make me ill. Replaying methods over and over in my head. Paranoia.
Stress. Any kind of. At this stage even the smallest one pushes me to try and kill myself.
What triggers thoughts for me is when I get really depressed, or I am thrown into doing something that I don't want to do or a situation that causes anxiety. Sometimes I feel completely worthless and that nobody cares about me, so that sets it off most times.
I'm step 5. Only two to go.
I am solidly, almost completely done with step 4
I an hopeful that with all my planning and testing, I will be able to skip 5 and 6 and complete step 7, and a short while
Heh, I do 1 all the time, I've had a couple of co-workers call out and "scold" me for being reckless when crossing the street to work.
For me I guess it is...just the never ending lonliness. When I'm alone- espcially on my days off I just tend to sit around and do nothing. It's especially worse now now that 3 co-workers are pregnant and all of them are younger then me. It kinda just pushes the whole- you are utterly alone in this world thoughts.
I know EXACTLY what you mean. My days off suck. Use to be able to work 7 days a week before the economy took a dive again this year. I didn't have time to think about being lonely. Work, eat, sleep, repeat. Now I am only working 4 days a week. The financial burden is bad enough, but the time just sitting here, doing nothing....eats away at me like a cancer.
No friends, no family, no nothing.....Just this feeling of utter nothingness
And I know if I could move, everything might be ok, but that option isn't available because I don't have the money, so here I sit, in a cell without bars.
This is me perfectly! Everything you said, is how I feel. When I'm at work I usually feel happier (even if I tell myself really I rather not be there either- lazy thoughts) I mean when I just keep the same cycle going I just get in a rhythm and I can't pause to dwell on the thoughts.
I want to move, have looked at houses and places online. But money keeps me unable to. I keep thinking if I left here I would be so much better off. I could restart, find new people who don't know me. Explore new areas...But curse money woes!
EXACTLY! The place I live is an old New England mill town, with one mill. I am not from here, but wound up in this nightmare called my life by a very bizarre series of events. Anyway, normally summer is our busy season, 6 - 7 days a week.60-70 hrs a week.(I don't mind working HARD). But this summer, *poof! We are working a 32 hour week, then a 40 hour week, etc. With NO OT.
I know it's going to get worse(slower). So I am like panicking to do something! I have this fear that if I don't get out now, I will die here, soon. But like you, those money troubles....so I am at a standstill...motionless. I can see this HUGE wave about to crash down on me, but I am powerless to do anything about it.
It does help to know that I am NOT that alone, that their are other people who are in a life like mine. Maybe we can figure it out somehow?
That's why I love it here, because I can feel like s*** when I come on, but then after a while of being on here it may seem weird but I don't feel as alone as what I did before. I see that others are out there and on here it feels like I'm talking to friends, and sometimes more then what I do to those I know
Nothing triggers it for me. My motivation for wanting to die is much more rational/existential than impulsive, so its always there. I just tough shit out until I'm really fed up enough to go through with it, then no bullshit.
Stress and worries. The past year I've had a lot to worry about and recently have had feelings of complete despair and hopelessness thus leading me to suicidal thoughts.