Threated to be sued by friend's Boyfriend after reporting her suicide attempt

Discussion in 'Opinions, Beliefs, & Points of View' started by Stoa, Oct 12, 2013.

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  1. Stoa

    Stoa Member

    Hi. I am new to the forum. If this is the wrong place, please delete post or move to correct section.

    Edit: This is more or less just venting, can just skip to last paragraph if too long.

    Will try to make it short. Friend in other province messaged online/phone saying she wants to commit suicide as she suspect her boyfriend is cheating on her again. I didn't take her seriously for the first few days until she claimed she prepared living will, gave me her password to her account as she doesn't need it anymore, planned it for several days, attempted yesterday failed, and said will do it with alternate method again that day 5pm when I asked.

    I met her once, but knew her for the past 9 years (yes once, different province), I know when she is joking; however I feel that she is serious this time (can tell from the phase). Also, her cousin have depression problems + on medication, she is not (not sure if it is a sickness and can relate to family).

    Since I am only few hours away from 5pm, and she refuse to talk to support lines; I called her province's distress center (not police), hoping they could give me some advice as professionals. Since she just moved with her boyfriend to a small town, I don't know where she is; so all I can provide is phone number, hoping distress center will give her a call. Instead, distress center called the police, and somehow they manage to show up at her door. I wasn't aware that police were involved until the officer called me, I told the officer what was on the chat (I kept talking to her for the past hour). She was taken to the hospital escorted by the officer.

    Now the problem...

    She is extremely upset with me and not talking because:
    1. I told officer about her relationship problems, which she clearly wish to keep it private.
    (The general stuff, breakup, makeup, find out seeing someone on side for years. I didn't really pay attention before as I have no interest in those kind of gossip).
    2. She didn't want boyfriend to find out until after the "event". I believe she said she talked to him, (speculation start here-> ) but he just don't care/take seriously.
    3. She didn't want the police involved, because small town, and if they did stop her its hard for her to live there. In my defense, I didn't except police to be involved.

    All these are fine. If in future I need to lose friend and to be hated to kept someone alive, I would do it again without hesitation.

    What bothers me is that I got messages/call from her boyfriend later that night with her account
    (I assume he check her message history to find me). First thing he said is to sue me for slander, I should just wait as he got lawyers already. Not sure if because she deny about suicide, or he is upset police showed at his house and dental clinic (Yes, he is Dentist). I am not sure dentist take same oath as doctors, but if he ignore "patients" at home, I don't have much faith in his professionalism (Btw I am Accountant at final stages of my professional designation studies). I assumed its just bluff, and told him go ahead if he wish (as I kept the chat log, and don't think I did anything wrong). Then her BF start to swear at me, with the general insults plus how I am not "worthy" as I am a poor person since I make less than he does (he make 600K annual profit as he own the clinic, and sadly Newbie Accountants like me don't make even close to 1/12 of that). After I ignored him, he called me, I hung up, he messaged me "demanding" that I pickup (I think he might have control issues). I am more or less shocked as I expect logic and professionalism from a so called "doctor" (sorry to the dentists reading this :) ).

    I guess I just have to vent somewhere, because I don't want to doubt that I did the wrong thing. However, if anyone could comment on how I may have made the situation better (first time, no experience), I would definitely be grateful and learn from it (although I hope I never have to deal with this kind of issues). Thank you in advance as I may not reply to all, and and Cheers.
  2. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Slander and libel are only that when you say or write something about someone that is not true. In your situation, you only spoke of facts. They can't do anything. If they could, people would be suing everyone around them every day. They also would have to prove that what you said had in some way hurt them financially. I doubt it did that. No attorney is going to take a slander case on contingency, so let them waste their money if the wish.

    You did the right thing, by the way. I'd rather have a friend be alive and hate me, than to have them dead.
    Keep doing what is right. Be proud that you care enough about them.
  3. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You have absolutely nothing to worry about. You perceived an emergency and related the facts as you knew them to emergency service persons. I would be concerned about friend if her "boyfriend" took that approach in thanks, however. A friend alive and angry is 100x better than asking yourself after why you did not.

    I do not see a better way for you to handle it , except maybe use call block sooner on the boyfriend. He has nothing on you, but if he keeps calling or harassing call the police and report the harassment.
  4. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    yes I agree with what the others have written. you did the right thing. when she gets the treatment she needs, she may realize this. Either way you did the right thing. Believe me, they can see at the hospital that she is not well. No one is going to be able to sue you for anything. It sounds like her boyfriend is misled, and I might add, not well himself. He handled this in such a horrible way toward you. it sounds like he has some serious anger issues. YOU are a caring friend. No matter what they may think. i am telling you that.

    Please continue to come here for support through this. Thats what we are here for. We will be the voice of reason to counterbalance the horrible things he says to you.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 12, 2013
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Keep everything that he has said to you ok if it does not stop let him know that you will be taking him to court for harassment and threats made to you

    Sounds like he does have control issues perhaps that is why your friend is suffering so much YOU did the only thing you could do hun and i applaud you for that You saved her life perhaps hun
  6. Stoa

    Stoa Member

    Hi guys. Thank you all for the kind replies. It really helps lot to have others reassuring it is the correct approach after the incident.

    Agreed that the lawsuit is likely a bluff, and I am keeping all the log. Most likely talk big about something doesn't fully understand, although really not age appropriate (deleted some comments I wrote. I can be mean too :)). I am more worried about this personality/attitude, how she continues to protect regardless. But then, I have to respect her decision, even I do not agree with it. My duty is done :).

    Now let go off topic… Somehow this flashed in my head, but this is just too much reading and my vivid imagination... Take as a joke, and don't relate (not delusional yet ;) ). From The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - "The Copper Beeches":

    "Good heavens!" I cried. "Who would associate crime with these dear old homesteads?"
    "They always fill me with a certain horror. It is my belief, Watson, founded upon my experience, that the lowest and vilest alleys in London do not present a more dreadful record of sin than does the smiling and beautiful countryside."
    "You horrify me!"
    "But the reason is very obvious. The pressure of public opinion can do in the town what the law cannot accomplish. There is no lane so vile that the scream of a tortured child, or the thud of a drunkard's blow, does not beget sympathy and indignation among the neighbours, and then the whole machinery of justice is ever so close that a word of complaint can set it going, and there is but a step between the crime and the dock. But look at these lonely houses, each in its own fields, filled for the most part with poor ignorant folk who know little of the law. Think of the deeds of hellish cruelty, the hidden wickedness which may go on, year in, year out, in such places, and none the wiser."
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I love Sherlock Homes lol how true his words are
  8. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I had the same thought as Total Eclipse. Perhaps because of his "control issues" etc, your friend has been driven to the point of feeling suicidal. He may be an abusive person who is causing psychological harm to her. Many say that psychological / emotional abuse is the worst. If in fact he has been abusing and controlling her, the last thing he wants is for her to get help. Or even worse to talk. just a thought. I may be way off base.
  9. Stoa

    Stoa Member

    Yay more Sherlock fans!~

    Let's not make speculation. There is not solid evidence to connect that to my friend's situation, if we do, then I guess he can argue for defamation :). We will keep it at a simple quote that's all.

    Interesting place. No time to be active member, but I will try to come visit once in a while.
  10. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It will be nice to hear from you
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