Three years of happiness dumped

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by BetrayedSoul, Mar 22, 2016.

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  1. BetrayedSoul

    BetrayedSoul Member

    So after three fantastic, happy and absolutely incredible years my now ex-girlfriend has left me. Because as she said, she does not feel any passion anymore and she is tired. Not even sure of the true reason though.
    However I know one thing, that she was meant to be the one to me. This crisis of mine began about three months ago, when she showed the first signs of wanting to break it all up. Then the first thoughts of suicide appeared.
    I began writing secret letters so that I would be able to see my progress. Progress of my emotions and psychological well being. It just got worse everyday. I even managed to make a plan for my last trip. I have written a lot of letters including the goodbye ones. I now have a full plan of how it all will end.
    The thing that hurts me the most is the fact that all of those three years of Love, has turned out to be a lie. I cannot cope with the fact that my world, which was planned around Her only, has turned around 180 degrees.
    So many things I did for her, so much time that I have spent for her. She was my priority. I even had to lie sometimes to my family so I would be able to spend more time with her and surprise her. I gave her everything. I spent so much money on our happiness. So much time and effort, so many ideas that I worked out, many travels around the country and even more crazy ideas that I have managed to think off in order to make her smile, make her laugh.
    Another thing I cannot deal with is the fact that I have to realize, that she will be with someone else. She will do things that I always wanted to do with someone else. Someone else will kiss her and do all the things we did or would do. Honestly, I feel jealious. Jealious for whoever is going to communicate with her. Who Will be with Her. I know that the pain I feel is temporary right now. But I know for a fact that I will always be jealious and I will always feel that I am missing something inside of me. Therefore, this is something I cannot deal with, something I do not want to live with. I must make that feeling go away. Make all of those feelings go away and feel absolutely nothing.
    Every single step that I take in this world reminds me of her. Every sound, every song, every look and every place. I know way too much of the things she loves and hates. I know too many details about her interests.
    My mistake was that I planned my whole life around her. There was not a single action I did without considering her feelings, any possible impact on her and her opinion. I was absolutely sure she will be my wife and that the things I did would be something that would make our future bright.
    I was wrong. All three years went to dump. And now I find that fact hard to deal with. And I feel too much, way too much, that is why I keep getting the thoughts of ending it all.
     
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I am sorry that you are going through this. Breakups are horrible and traumatic - and I absolutely understand feeling like you need to stop feeling anything and not being able to see any possibility of ever feeling anything else. It can be absolute torture and the worst thing is that there is nothing you can do about it aside from wait for it to get better. The good news is that it DOES get better - if you let it. I know you probably don't believe me - I definitely didn't believe me the first time I felt like that (and even knowing it gets better doesn't really make it any 'better' while you are still feeling it).

    Please don't hurt yourself - I know it is really really hard and I don't have a magic solution - I have some tips. Like get busy - as busy as you possibly can. Get a second job - and a third if need be - fill up your time and be as busy as you can. Don't look at her Facebook and don't go places that you went together - a total change of scene. It gets better - I promise - as long as you don't do stuff to "keep it bad" which is a trap a lot of people fall into (been there myself).

    Come to chat - talk to people - there are usually people in at this time and it usually gets busier as the night progresses. Keep busy, talk to us - stay safe!
     
    AdamTide likes this.
  3. AdamTide

    AdamTide Well-Known Member

    I'm very sorry all that happened to you. It may not seem like it right now but things WILL get better. hug Like Freya said, being busy can help. A huge thing that can help is helping OTHERS. It helps them AND you. It helps you feel productive and useful and shows the GOOD that you are getting out of life. You could volunteer at a local charity or church. You could volunteer or donate to a local food closet or soup kitchen or animal shelter or you could visit the elderly. But also do stuff for YOURSELF. It can be writing or reading or exercising or riding around or taking a hot shower/bath or going out in nature or watching a funny video or just whatever you enjoy. Time DOES help heal. It can make you hurt less and less over time. A good song you can listen to is Rockabye by Shawn Mullins. In it he sings "everything's gonna be alright." And he's right. You ARE going to be alright. :) Another comforting song is Breathe by Anna Nalick. She sings "cradle your head in your hands and breathe just breathe." As far as your ex, just realize that you did your absolute BEST and that there's nothing more you could have done. You can have a lot of happiness WITHOUT her in your life. Think as positively as you can and take care of yourself. We're here if you need us. Take care. :) hug
     
  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I am so sorry for what happened, and that you feel this bad.

    But I promise you, it does get better. This state you're in right now is not how it will be forever, this is a normal reaction to a breakup. They say that surviving a breakup is like the stages of grief. This is your first step. And yes it will take some time before you're all better.

    Keep busy, distract yourself. Try to find things you like doing and immerse yourself in them. Avoid things that remind you of her, and most importantly don't give up, and do not harm yourself.

    It does get better. It really does. Some day this will all be over and you'll be happy you held on.
    Don't be alone. Keep talking, keep reaching out. Rant and vent if you need to.
     
  5. BetrayedSoul

    BetrayedSoul Member

    I know that emotions will fade with time. However there is something in me I believe would stay forever. The thought that I had invested in both of us so much. So much decision I have made for the better future. And now someone else will have it. And most of the day I manage to stay strong but I keep getting flashbacks of memories, images of her and random thoughts of her being with someone.

    Another thing is that I did so many important life changing decisions for her. I moved 100km to the city where she was just to be close with her. She was very happy. I changed my study programme to seek for our better future. Then I eventually quit the studies and joined the army so she could be proud of me and I could protect her and the country.
    And now all these changes I regret. The way I am and the things I do now, they were all supposed to be for her. And now I feel betrayed and hopeless that I did so much but all for nothing. I dont have the will or energy to change everything once again. I am tired of this.
     
  6. Matthew Barber

    Matthew Barber Well-Known Member

    The things we go through shape us as people. You may have been betrayed,but life did not betray you.

    They will come, whoever they are, but all we can do with the past is reflect on what we should do in the future.

    Stay strong friend, I believe in you.
     
    AdamTide likes this.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, I'm really sorry to hear of what has happened, just know we are here for you and that this will pass. It WILL pass. We won't judge you in the slightest, we care and I have been through a break up before and i was tough but I go through it and over it and it will eventually pass for you as well. Keep sharing with us and keep talking to us, we are here for you :)
     
    AdamTide likes this.
  8. Lestat

    Lestat Well-Known Member

    Hey man, I can relate. I'm going through the same thing.

    No magic words for you sadly. Just the standard "time heals" it's only been a week for me so it's very raw... Im sure it is for you. The only thing i can say is get on some medication and talk to people. Not just text, but voice. You need to talk and digest things.

    Its going to hurt. We have a very similar story here... So I understand... But, it's just going to hurt
     
  9. BetrayedSoul

    BetrayedSoul Member

    For a whole week I found a solution which helps me to forget just a little. It's alcohol. I drink everytime after I get back home from work. I still can feel the pain evern when I am drunk but I don't care about it that much.
    I keep feeling the same things just like the first day. It all is very painful. I can just repeat myself, that I feel that both life and the woman whom I still love have betrayed me. For all the good things I did, for all the sacrifice I got literally f***ed by life. I tried to be so good to everyone, I tried to show that the world is a good place to live in, I wanted even the stranges to feel the kindness that I provide to everyone. I wanted this world to be a better place. But the world just showed me that all the attempts of mine have failed.
     
  10. Lestat

    Lestat Well-Known Member

    You're self medicating yourself. It's not the answer, no matter how good it seems. It just causes addiction. I have seen it many times.

    Get medication from a doctor. Explain you're using alcohol. If you need to talk send me a message
     
    Freya likes this.
  11. BetrayedSoul

    BetrayedSoul Member

    I actually now reached the point where it is better to feel this pain than be without her. I dont even want to feel good anymore. Its hard to live with the thought that I gave myself to her, I ruined my life, education and career for her. She wasted my opportunities. My Life.
    If not the job I have, I would just be lying in bed all day. The best part of my day is going to sleep. When I sleep I dont need to think about anything. Except when I have those dreams with her. I realize I dream and then I just hold and hug her untill I wake up.
    I dont look forward to waking up, I dont look forward to surviving another morning.
    I will just give myself some more time until she finally forgets about my existence and then I'll be done for. Its the point of no return now.
     
  12. Matthew Barber

    Matthew Barber Well-Known Member

    HEY! NUMB NUTS! How old are you? 80?! POINT OF NO RETURN? Listen, candy coating this isn't going to help.

    Get off your arse, yes, this girl left you, but what are you doing to her if you kill yourself? If you love her so fucking much, for her sake, don't make her feel like a murderer.

    Dude, get up, get off this pc or whatever, go for a run, you need it.

    Yes, life is going to seem dark for a bit, but you know what happens next? Something better happens. It's what we face.

    If you die, not only will she feel guilt, but so will we, so will your family, we love you,man. I don't want to see you go.

    There are only two things you can do now; obsess and try to get her back, or accept it and try to make do with what you have. Happiness doesn't just appear, you have to work for it. If you want a life worth living, put down the noose and make fun. Meet people, talk to your workmates, go to the pub dancing, learn from the mistakes you make so you don't make them again.

    LIVE YOU BASTARD. I'M NOT GOING ON WITHOUT YOU.
     
  13. Raphael1

    Raphael1 Well-Known Member

    The thing about this problem is you feel like no-one understands how you are feeling because of that unique connection you have felt with the other person, is not like any other connection to anyone you will have, as everyone is a different person, and when you fall in love with someone, and share something with someone that is romantic like this, It's not like anyone else has been through that experience, so in that way it's like you are the only one that knows the meaning of it and what that person means to you. It becomes a part of you, you are invested and attached to that person, it's interwoven into your identity and purpose, and when the other person leaves, it's like a part of you is broken or destroyed because it has become a part of you.

    I have had that feeling of loving someone intensely and having the relationship not work out. And I still have dreams, and I had one just when I woke up just now. So I feel like I have a little insight into the grief and the suicidal feeling of just feeling lost when it doesn't work out how you imagined. Yeah your life is not going to be the same, not as you imagined with her. But you are in a vulnerable period of grief that can turn into depression and become self destructive. I wish more than anything that I had my girlfriend, and it is amazing to be with someone that you really like. However, there is more to this than getting the girl and living happily ever after. That happens in hollywood, and if you think about it, it's extremely cheesy those hollywood movies, they are nothing like reality, and I'm kind of glad they are not, because character is built from tough experiences not predictable happy endings. The way I deal with my loss, is I see it as temporary, and as a temporary life. That the solution is beyond my understanding and that there is a far greater picture. Even without suicide, life is very short. There is plenty of things to distract you other than substance abuse if that's what helps. I've been distracting myself with poker. Simple but effective ( just don't gamble for real money). At this stage in your life it can be difficult to find any purpose or any sort of enjoyment with anything as life and reality remind you of her. No amount of consolation or words is going to make that go away. This is just my attempt to try and convey to you that I have some idea of the difficulty and the problem, and that I may have some insight or solutions that you can use as I have been dealing with the issue of grief and being out of control. It would take a book to even begin to express the type of connection I had with my partner, it's a rich complex, intense, emotional, very meaningful part of who I am, and no book, movie, or song, could really do it justice to convey what I have experienced inside and with the other person, and I suspect it's like that with you, as you built your identity around her. If you keep coming back here and checking the messages, journal, and I'll respond. Other than that, I hope you get through this internal storm and find something that keeps your sanity.
     
  14. James5706

    James5706 SF Supporter

    Your thread is quite long to take in all of it's aspects. But one stands out for me. She was clearly not the one for you, as she didn't feel the same for you. Better you separate now, than in years to come, when you have children together...And it is only natural to make links with her when carrying out your day to day life, and visa versa. Especially as the fact that you felt you had found the right girl of your dreams. If that is the case, then do not despair, as despite how bad you feel, and how hopeless you feel. Another girl will come along that you may feel the same about. I'm not saying this will happen quickly, but it will happen. In my humble opinion You should concentrate on getting your head around the loss of your loved one, and adapting to moving on.
    Any love/romantic happenings will come in time. I wish you all the best, but remember, these things take time. And especially when looking for the right girl! And when that right girl comes along. Don't rush it! Take your time to get to know each other sloooowly. The first, second, or third girl may not be right for you. But rushing matters will not help. And may drive her away! I know from experience, waiting for the right girl can take time and effort.
    I wish you all the best.
     
  15. BetrayedSoul

    BetrayedSoul Member

    Thank You for your posts people.
    I try my very best to try and continue and try to beat this. I try to distract myself by doing things which I thought I like. But for some reason they are just not the same. I manage to forget about my feelings and emotions for a couple of hours a day, but this sadness inside of me, for some reason, just gets stronger. I constantly try to calm myself, I tell myself that this is temporary and that soon it will all be over. But then I also realize that there is so much more than just losing a woman. I guess beside her I did not have any friends of my own. So I am absolutely lonely. And being alone is something that I have always been afraid of, yet, at the same time, I never managed to find any true friends. It is just so hard for me to get in some sort of special "true friends" relations. I guess I have some sort of lack of trust about all people.
    I am constatly feeling depressed, no matter what I do. Every evening when I get back home I feel like I was crying the whole day, even though, I did not drop a single tear throughout the day and I even managed to smile and laugh when I was around others. Because I do not want to show them that something is wrong, since I work in alpha-male only environment, where being strong is everything.
    Whenever I wake up, I wish I wouldn't have to do or go anywhere and just keep on sleeping. And whenever I get back I don't want to go to sleep because I know that I will have to live through the same emotions and feelings again.
    I guess this is what depression looks like?
     
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