So after three fantastic, happy and absolutely incredible years my now ex-girlfriend has left me. Because as she said, she does not feel any passion anymore and she is tired. Not even sure of the true reason though. However I know one thing, that she was meant to be the one to me. This crisis of mine began about three months ago, when she showed the first signs of wanting to break it all up. Then the first thoughts of suicide appeared. I began writing secret letters so that I would be able to see my progress. Progress of my emotions and psychological well being. It just got worse everyday. I even managed to make a plan for my last trip. I have written a lot of letters including the goodbye ones. I now have a full plan of how it all will end. The thing that hurts me the most is the fact that all of those three years of Love, has turned out to be a lie. I cannot cope with the fact that my world, which was planned around Her only, has turned around 180 degrees. So many things I did for her, so much time that I have spent for her. She was my priority. I even had to lie sometimes to my family so I would be able to spend more time with her and surprise her. I gave her everything. I spent so much money on our happiness. So much time and effort, so many ideas that I worked out, many travels around the country and even more crazy ideas that I have managed to think off in order to make her smile, make her laugh. Another thing I cannot deal with is the fact that I have to realize, that she will be with someone else. She will do things that I always wanted to do with someone else. Someone else will kiss her and do all the things we did or would do. Honestly, I feel jealious. Jealious for whoever is going to communicate with her. Who Will be with Her. I know that the pain I feel is temporary right now. But I know for a fact that I will always be jealious and I will always feel that I am missing something inside of me. Therefore, this is something I cannot deal with, something I do not want to live with. I must make that feeling go away. Make all of those feelings go away and feel absolutely nothing. Every single step that I take in this world reminds me of her. Every sound, every song, every look and every place. I know way too much of the things she loves and hates. I know too many details about her interests. My mistake was that I planned my whole life around her. There was not a single action I did without considering her feelings, any possible impact on her and her opinion. I was absolutely sure she will be my wife and that the things I did would be something that would make our future bright. I was wrong. All three years went to dump. And now I find that fact hard to deal with. And I feel too much, way too much, that is why I keep getting the thoughts of ending it all.