Through with it.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Escapist, Feb 17, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Escapist

    Escapist Well-Known Member


    Well, I am done. I'm not going to tread in details. But honestly. Who the fuck cares?! I have to take all kinds of shits, and do my best being there for every one else. But, ohwell.

    They can't even freaking be bothered to try.

    So fuck it. :]

    Thanks all of you for the kind replies and advice you've given me. It has been appreciated.

    My apologies for failing you all.
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    You only fail if you give up...otherwise you are a winner.

    Please tell us what has got you down? We are here for you and we do care..please talk to us..

    Big hugs! Bambi
  3. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    Who is the "they"? What do you want them to do?

    I totally get the fuck them viewpoint. In fact, I think I even said that yesterday!
  4. Escapist

    Escapist Well-Known Member

    I won't step into details, as I'd be blamed for personal attacking. :/
    I'll just say that, regardless of how honest I am to the people I care about. I'm just a tool, just used and then left apart.

    Promises are made, and they get broken.

    I am so through with always getting my hopes up, and then to see them freaking crushed. Bet they are freaking laughing at it.

    Yet I can't be angry!? No ofcourse not. I've tried to accept it, I've been facing my concequences, yet time and time again. They just take advantage of it. ALWAYS.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 17, 2010
  5. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    attack away - we won't tell

    sounds like you have a right to be angry - it's not coming out of left field

    as far as for "dropping dead" just remember - better them than you
  6. Escapist

    Escapist Well-Known Member

    I have a right. Though not entirely. The other one has just as much right. Though, regardless of how difficult it is to believe that I am honest for them. They don't even try to believe me.

    Sure they try, they say? Right. Though, always seriously always, when something is settled, when agreements are made. It just gets broken again.

    I looked forward to something. I have been continously truthful, lies didn't got me anywhere in the past. But why believe me, right!?

    It's all better to agree on a meeting first, let me reserve it, and then when it's going to happen to just break it off. Sure, who has to pay!? YEAH ME. Ontop of that, I've been honest, yet they pull this dirty trick on me.

    And it's always them two.

    I'm tired of this. I just can't trust anyone anymore. :/
  7. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    first - take moment to breathe (i should talk)

    second - it doesn't seem like you can't trust everyone, just these two people who have abused your trust

    sounds to me like you just need to reevalute how you want to deal with these people

    my wedding was announced 6 months ahead of time, invitations sent, responses received, everything ready to go. i was psyched.

    turns out there were a few no-shows on the day of the wedding - specifically MY ENTIRE SIDE OF THE FAMILY

    turns out my father finally realized what i had been telling him for 6 months - that i was going to drop out and get a job so that my wife could continue going to school. my life, my choice

    so the day before the wedding he starts calling all the relatives, tells them he's not going and that he'll be angry with them if they go.

    My decision was to stop talking to my father until he apologized to my wife - i didn't give a damn about me

    took him a year to finally realize i was serious (lesson i remembered that applies to raising children - never threaten something that you don't follow through on or they won't believe you next time). it was not a good period for either one of us - it was miserable and uncomfortable and both sides felt guilty and hurt

    in the end it was better for all parties involved because he finally understood the commitment that i was making and that he no longer had the power or right to dictate my future

    hope this helps you somehow
  8. Spirit Wing

    Spirit Wing Active Member

    i'm going to echo bambi here - you haven't failed on this side of the world ;)

    and i've always thought other people were rather fickle when it comes to trust. and believing me, especially when i feel i'm telling the truth. as long as my skirts are clean, they can't touch me inside...

    how will the meeting and bisbelieving and mistrust affect your life really? have these people simply hurt and abused your trust (this one has been a big issue for me)? or can they really affect your life in other ways?
  9. xToxThexGravex

    xToxThexGravex Well-Known Member

    Listen, I understand where you are coming from. I've been used and abused my entire life, but it will all be worth it in the end.

    Why? Because 10 years down the line, everyone who's hurt you will see you accomplished and full of life and bliss that they will be the ones that have failed.

    You're not failing anybody here. You just have to keep fighting just a little bit harder each day. I know that sounds hard, but it isn't because I too am fighting.

    You and I are fighting the same fight... You're not alone because everyone here is also fighting to ensure your happiness, and you will be happy.

    I promise...
  10. Escapist

    Escapist Well-Known Member

    I'm not completely sure. I can't even picture myself 10 years from now on. It's just nothing. I've had so many wishes, so many thoughts about how my future would look like, and how it would go. It all just turned to nothing.

    I don't mean to burst your bubble, but I clearly am failing people here, otherwise they wouldn't continiously break their words. In the end it's just all my fault, really. I mean, I shouldn't expect people to keep their promises or their words. How selfish is that? I've been stupid, and need to face my mistake.

    Axel, one word of advice. Though promise something you won't be able to keep.

    It would, as the two people actually matter alot to me. I've had a horrid past, had to deal with everything on my own, and had to be their for my brother. Them saying, that they wish to meet up, or visit does affect it. Because if they can't keep it, i'm just alone again. This happens nearly everytime. I do my best for them, I honestly do. Though, I'm worth nothing more than this. It makes me feel hurt and used. >_<

    I guess that's right. Though still it freaking hurts, they just walk over you, are rude, and then tell you to die in the very end. Even though there is no proof, to show them that I am being honest. I get treated like crap anyhow. Fine if you don't wish to believe me, but then atleast don't give false hope, or promise something. Something you shouldn't do at all if you're that wary.

    There isn't a way to deal with these people. I guess, I just have to face it, and well move out eachothers life. Maybe it's just their kind of revenge. x_x

    Sorry that has happened. It's stupid that people think that they can control other one's lives. They have no right. Though, I am glad everything turned out to be well in the end. Even if it was difficult, and needed some effort.
  11. Spirit Wing

    Spirit Wing Active Member

    it has always bothered me when people ask me to visualise myself in 10, 5 or even 1 years' time (absolutely no offence intended there, axel). i still find i struggle to do it. there are so many variables, so many different places i could be that it all blurs into a mist until i see nothing. i can barely see past this week and i'm in a good-ish place atm too :p

    if i'd been asked that question 5 years ago i wouldn't have had an answer either. but 5 years, almost to the month, i am back here at SF and able to see the progression of the years between. and i did that just taking it one day at a time. one decision at a time. dealing with one problem at a time. making time my own and realising that i can't deal with everything at once and that it's okay. take one step and then another, without thinking about the next until i'm there... that being said, there have been times when i've been able to see and handle more than one step at a time, but never (well... :p) do i put pressure on myself to try take on more than i can handle...

    dunno if that has anything to do with your situ, but i hope it helps in some way.
  12. nimbus

    nimbus Well-Known Member

    i have trouble visualizing years in advance too. i just kinda figure if i'm lucky i'll be dead by then. 10 years ago i fell in love with my best friend and he broke my heart. 5 years ago i was still living with him, trusted him again and again had my heart broken. 3 years ago we were still living together, had bought a business together when he decided to kick me out. today i'm still in love with him, heartbroken and still being led on and treated poorly by him. i can't take another 3, 5 or 10 years of this but i'd rather be dead than without him.
  13. nimbus

    nimbus Well-Known Member

    i guess the best i can say is hang in there. i have for whatever reason. i keep holding on to hope that things will change eventually.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.