throw in the towel

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by letty, Aug 23, 2012.

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  1. letty

    letty Banned Member

    I give up , the thoughts of guilt anger fear paranoia, and worthless , have all won.
    i cant handle it anymore, to hell with this i am useless anyway. i am gonna
    throw in the towel, quit.
     
  2. Samara

    Samara Account Closed

    Letty :bottle: :heart: :heart: :heart: !!!!

    I don't find you to be useless, maybe some others on this forum can confirm what I said too. The thoughts you are having can come to be controlled, for example with CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). I took some CBT, and in it I learned, for example, that hope is not something we just have or don't... but rather is something that we must learn. I never knew that before, and felt like I just could not have any hope at all. I never realized that it's something I had to figure out, and learn, and recognize what kinds of things give me hope, and work at that etc...

    I also learned that there are certain types of thinking patterns that we can get stuck in, the "all or nothing" or "black and white" thinking is an example of that, that unless we get what we want entirely, we want nothing at all.

    The purpose of learning the thought patterns, would be to recognize when they are actually occurring, which would help separate the way we begin to feel, or what we are actually facing, from what is being drawn out or worsened with certain types of thought processes.

    I also found that CBT can give people coping mechanisms.

    If you need more than just therapy, like if you need a friend, or someone in real life to reach out to, to not feel so alone, or feel like you are just burdened with too many things that you can't handle, is there anyone that you know that you could try and reach out to? Someone to take a chance with maybe?
     
  3. letty

    letty Banned Member

    I have someone but she isnt doing to good herself, thank you Samara, I have been trying to change my thinking
    and I have become stuck, I feel my mind is overloaded right now. my thought pattern is all messed up. I want to
    give up so bad i have fought long enough, the illness I have is also taking a toll on me, i am tired, i feel i am in this
    world but i have no purpose here, . Samara thank you for your advice you are always a help
     
  4. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    You do not need a purpose. You are a lovely person. I wish I could help with th guilt you feel.
     
  5. letty

    letty Banned Member

    thank you windlepoons i appreciate that alot, this guilt is from things I have done to things i should have done , to the disease i have
    I feel I am useless I wish i could help people , but i am all messed up , I hear myself talk and try to help or i see my words that i type
    and there is no meaning to my words. its like i am dead already my words just fall to the ground and i am sorry because i am so useless
     
  6. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Letty, you are valuable person just for being you. No one else in the world can do that. :hug: You're having a rough time right now with negative thoughts and feelings spinning in your head. Depression makes us see and feel that only the bad things are true or valid.

    Life means that we make choices so that we move forward...Everyone has "should have dones" and "wish I hadn'ts" - the different ways we might have done things to make life different now. But every time we make a choice, there are gazillions of different choices we could have made. It doesn't change things and it doesn't help us to keep looking back. I'm sure you did the best you could at the time. As for feeling guilty for having a disease - you didn't ask for it and you didn't want it. It wasn't a choice at all. Nothing in there to feel guilty about. :hug:

    I think that just by sharing the struggle you're having, you're helping people realize they aren't alone. As you begin to feel better, you will do other things to help people. I sense a kind heart and a willing soul in you. Don't give up on yourself. Please, just keep holding on. The bad feelings will all settle down to a manageable roar after a while. For now, just be good and kind to yourself.
     
  7. letty

    letty Banned Member

    Thank you Acy, these thoughts are spinning like crazy, and so convincing , i am having a hard time getting my
    thoughts down, i feel like every word is the wromg one, i keep deleting my sentences, I have made bad choices in life
    and i have so much shame and regret, i wish i could just let it go and move on, but i keep hating myself
    for it. the disease makes me want to just give in im tired of being sick , thank you Acy for your help i hope the bad feelings
    do settle down to a manageable roar, that would be great. its too loud right now.
     
  8. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    :hug:

    You are not worthless or useless! You have done nothing to anger or upset me. You have shown me a lot of kindness and compassion in spite of your own suffering, and proven yourself to be a genuinelely selfless and caring person. Do not think so poorly of yourself, because I assure you that you have many things to be proud of! You are a good person and a survivor. Don't ever forget that, and please do not be so hard on yourself!
     
  9. letty

    letty Banned Member

    thank you thelonewolf, i wish i could forgive myself but my mind keeps running all my mistakes and reminding
    me who i hurt and what was the outcome from that and the cycle starts all over again ,
     
  10. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I highly doubt you have hurt anyone nearly so badly as they have hurt you. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You don't owe the world any apologies. I know you are remorseful for any mistakes you may have made and for that fact alone you should forgive yourself, because you don't deserve to suffer any more than you already have.
     
  11. letty

    letty Banned Member

    ThetLoneWolf thank you again, i will try to forgive myself its not an easy thing to do especialy when there are
    alot of things in the head saying you dont deserve to be forgiven , i wish this mind of mine would be quiet, it dosnt stop.
    it can be frustrating, i just want to quit i feel like i have nothing to offer this world I am sick and i am pathetic,
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 23, 2012
  12. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Although I do not practice what I preach, so to say, I think the punishment must fit the crime...how does one let him/her self off the hook? For me, it was a journey and I think I am just beginning to forgive myself for what I put myself through...About a disease effecting your life...I truly understand that was well...please PM me if we can share that together...several members and I have formed an informal circle of those with illnesses, and it is not surprising how many similarities there are( feeling less useful, pain, exhaustion, changes and compromises made in one life)...with caring
     
  13. letty

    letty Banned Member

    Sadeyes thank for the encouragement, I feel sometimes I have been let off the hook for the things I have done,
    theres this one thing that I just cant forgive myself for, I am too ashamed to talk about it.
    I will pm you .
     
  14. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Glad you will PM me...and please remember how imperfect we all are
     
  15. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    Yes, letty we are all imperfect and I think sometimes we lose sight of that... or think that we're the only ones.

    Even if you have made mistakes then you can't change them with regret... I know you're not well but maybe you could try to make up for them in some way? Is there anything that you can accomplish, or maybe some small gestures that you could make? I've always found that being selfless and giving things to others can make me feel better about myself.

    I know it's hard for you and I wish I could help you, but if you can do it for yourself then don't hesitate and just do it. Maybe you'll get a window where you have energy soon... and please try to make the most of it. Just think about all of the things that you do like in life, things you might be taking for granted... there are more of them than you think.

    It's the little things that make it good... and I think that in some ways, being in that kind of condition can help you to appreciate them more.

    I really hope you find as much happiness as you can and can get to the point where you feel like life is a good thing, because I truly believe that it is and when I go I know that the things that are going to stand out the most are going to be the ones that I always took for granted and never really understood the value of.

    You're worth it, letty... and even though your body is tired and sick you are still in control of your mind and you can choose to think good things and focus on things that you love instead of punishing yourself for mistakes that you've made.

    It is possible to treasure the good moments, no matter how small or fleeting they may be.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 24, 2012
  16. letty

    letty Banned Member

    thank you gloomy, I know what you mean , i do feel better if i do things for others and help someone
    else out, i use to love doing things for the elderly because there alot of them that live here, i have just
    lost the desire to do anything right now , I am stuck in my room feeling bad and thinking about suicide,
    I know what your saying is true because i have done that i am so trapped i cant get out of this rut i am in.
    and i get real weak physically .its like my eyes have been shielded from all the good things that do happen
    but the bad things are magnified ,
     
  17. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Letty hun, I know how it feels to be constantly sick with this disease we have got. I am here, I am a resource and I am very knowledgable about it, USE ME! I also know how it feels to be in a wicked downward spiral. My pm's are always open to you. I always find talking with fellow sufferer's helps, because they do understand somewhat how we feel. :hug:
     
  18. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Honey, Letty - I have been right where you are honey, and we are all here to support you.......... I think about "what I did" most of the time.......but, I have more understanding about it now, more insight. Mistakes come because of our blind spots - we can think we are doing the right thing, and yet, later it becomes apparent that we stuffed up....... however, this does not mean that we are useless and worthless, even though what we did was vastly unappreciated by others. We have beliefs that fail us, but that does not mean that we are failures.

    Support is what you need, friendship and encouragement and understanding. While your mind heals, honey, it is certainly possible. PM me if you'd like :)
     
  19. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    letty, I would never think of you as a useless or bad person...you are special even if you don't think you are. I get the same ideas in my head at times, so you aren't alone. I can imagine how hard it must be for you to go through all of this, but please don't give up. We are all here for you :hug:
     
  20. letty

    letty Banned Member

    thank you so much lexi ,its good to know theres someone thats going through the same thing as me, i hope your doing good ,
     
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