Tic Toc

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by deadpan, Feb 15, 2008.

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  1. deadpan

    deadpan Account Closed

    Hi I am new and this is my first post.

    I have been suffering from depression most of my life and I have also considered suicide a few times in my life. I am 27 years old now and a year or so back I began writing suicide notes and leaving them around.... I did actually go out to attempt to commit the act but never did as people stopped me.

    In 2003 I was hospitilized for 1 day but released as they had no beds. Since then my life got gradually better but for the past 3 months I have felt like I did back then, suicidal more and more each day. Somtimes I think about how I would do it before I go to bed at night... I dream of a happier exsistence somwhere else away from this world.

    I am well aware there is somthing wrong with me to think like this but a person like me deserves to be punished for the life I have lead. I made the wrong choices in life and have ended up being a room attendant at a hotel. Making beds for people with better lives than me... somtimes I beleive they are laughing at me... I look in the mirror every day and see me but a new me with a better life... sort of re-born again...

    Tommorrow I am walking to work alone for the first time in ages... could this be my chance?

    For me... it is always going to be like this...
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...glad you found us...I hope your walk to work is uneventful and that the day is more peaceful than you presume it will be...and about the work you are doing...it is never too late to learn new things...the most important part of the j√łurney is to set goals that you can accomplish...have you gotten your HS diploma...if not...a GED or such...please try to set a goal and let the ppl here support you...be safe and know there are many ppl who relate to how you are feeling...big hugs, J
  3. Surviving

    Surviving Well-Known Member

    Hello. As Sad mentions there are ways to get out of this. You have done it once before and there is no reason to think you couldn't do it again.

    Who's to say someone has a better life than you? Every one has baggage that they carry...some is lighter than other's, some get other people to carry it, and some hide it better than others. What they think is not important any way...

    Every one makes wrong choices... it's natural. Don't let it stop you...
  4. gforce7

    gforce7 Active Member

    I'm always afraid of saying the wrong thing, but I just felt I should comment on the above - a reminder that being rich or having a high status job does not equal happiness. Also how do you know these people have 'better lives' than you? And you're a success in my eyes...I can't even hold down a job!

    Take good care!

    g x
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