Welcome to SF rukahsridan! I am sorry that you are feeling in despair and sounds like you are feeling hopeless too.. I know how it is.. and many ppl here do too..
I am sorry you are in such pain.. can you elaborate a little more about it? I m a little confused.. but that is okay.. just need to ask a couple questions.. Yes, I have been there many times, and the ppl you say who care about you, try to convince you not to go through with whatever you plan.. whether random or not?? Can you tell me or us why you think they need it? I have been there many times rukahsridan.. and understand.. I have been very self destructive and not perfect either in my life and realistically (sp?) I shouldn't be here today to tell you this but somehow no matter what..I have tried seriously, I am still here and when I found SF has helped me to make it this far..
Okay, who is HE? Who is HE who exists and you need to prove that HE doesn't? Are you talking about GOD or another being? I don't know..
We are not perfect and will never be on this earth.. So, you lie, cheat, steal, etc.. However, you can change all that with some help.. so, you may not think you are a good person but it could be the depression talking.. are you seeing a psychiatrist or therapist?? We all are not perfect at all.. well, have been there with alot of ppl too.. and here you will find many ppl who can relate to you and help walk you through your pain.. I wouldn't be here today if I hadn't found SF by "accident" believe me.. I hope you will give us a chance to be there for you and lean on us.. It doesn't matter.. we are here to help anybody and we all have many different backgrounds in our life that someone will relate to you.. nobody is perfect at all.. That is the way it is..
Liike I said, I hope you will give us a chance since your friend recommended you to this site. You will be surprised and shocked that many ppl here have walked in your shoes or still are and we can relate to you alot.. I hope you will share more with us.. I know it is difficult.. at first to trust.. I don't trust alot and have been horribly burned and so much more by ppl in my life.. The ppl here are amazing and understand alot... I am glad that you are here and you have made a huge step to reach out to us.. I hope you continue as we are here for you..
Love
Gitana