tied of rembering it

[yourtearsfall]

im tired of dreaming it..
im tired of liveing it..
im tired of the flashbacks..
im tired of it all..




all my life ive lost people that mean the world to me..


my childhood was rough cause my father drank..



my family broke apart peices at a time..




i lived with my father abd he abused me twice a day...



he put ciggettes out all over my body..



he lashed me with belts..



he beat me with his barefist till his knucles bleed..




he broke two of my ribs..




im bigger then him...



but im still scared of him..



i grew up and all i had was a good friend..



that friend died in a driveby where i lived...


i grew up some more and met a girl..



who 4 years later stomped on my heart..




i dated again and had 2 kids at the age of 16..




alexadrix james nielson my son..


jane maria nielson my daughter..


the women i loved and one of my chilldren..


both died in a car accident..



my uncle got out of jail and gave me help..



he died one year later..


i lose but i love..



if i lose this one i know theres something wrong...



i left LA with a 6 pack and gainned fat..



i tell her its cause i smoked weed..


but its not its cause i lost all i loved...


i gave up the feeling to go on anymore..



i wanted to fall in a hole and die..


i want to live again thanks to her..



i love her but she thinks its just about the sex..



but its not..........




i gave up liveing for them..



but i pushed threw for you...


i love you jenny..




mabey writeing about the past will..


make it go away..

 

[WildCherry]

:hug: Did writing it all out help any?

 

[yourtearsfall]

not really...:sad: