Time and again, all I ever hear people say is "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" or "suicide is not the answer" or "things might seem bad, but you never know what tomorrow will bring!" and I have believed them, for a time. But now, I have come to realised that the people who say things like that have no idea just how low and bad things can get in life and that although they get depressed at times, they never sink to the bottom of the well, so they just can't understand what it is like, when they have never felt like I do now.
I took a break from this site because I tried to follow their advice, to stop thinking of the negative and give things a chance in life, but in the end, everything ended up blowing up in my face. I tried reconcilling with friends I had a falling out with to no avail, I've tried my hand at a relationship which resulted in battering an alreqdy broken heart and I've done all I can in social situations only to end up the outcast whenever I tried to engge in an activity or social gathering.
It's the bottom of the well, seeing the rungs that invite me to climb back up to the top and re-enter the World, but I can't climb them anymore. I know they are just an illusion; strong enough to support my weight, but rusted and fragile that grqbbing one, it will climb into dust at my contact.
I want to die, but I don't want to go through any of the normal methods. <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>
Tomorrow, why wait until tomorrow? I guess I am wanting to prolongue this absolute lonelieness long enough so that I can give hope one more chance that there really is someone out there who can say to me honestly "I love you" without the words being a lie.
It doesn't matter if she says them to me or not, I guess. I can't force anyone to feel for me when they don't have those feelings, and even if it is just a one-way attraction, I guess that's all my life was to amount to.
I regret a lot of my life, but the one thing I can honestly say that came from my time on the Planet is that I got to make one person smile during her time of need. My life's mission is complete. Time I moved on into the next one.
I took a break from this site because I tried to follow their advice, to stop thinking of the negative and give things a chance in life, but in the end, everything ended up blowing up in my face. I tried reconcilling with friends I had a falling out with to no avail, I've tried my hand at a relationship which resulted in battering an alreqdy broken heart and I've done all I can in social situations only to end up the outcast whenever I tried to engge in an activity or social gathering.
It's the bottom of the well, seeing the rungs that invite me to climb back up to the top and re-enter the World, but I can't climb them anymore. I know they are just an illusion; strong enough to support my weight, but rusted and fragile that grqbbing one, it will climb into dust at my contact.
I want to die, but I don't want to go through any of the normal methods. <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>
Tomorrow, why wait until tomorrow? I guess I am wanting to prolongue this absolute lonelieness long enough so that I can give hope one more chance that there really is someone out there who can say to me honestly "I love you" without the words being a lie.
It doesn't matter if she says them to me or not, I guess. I can't force anyone to feel for me when they don't have those feelings, and even if it is just a one-way attraction, I guess that's all my life was to amount to.
I regret a lot of my life, but the one thing I can honestly say that came from my time on the Planet is that I got to make one person smile during her time of need. My life's mission is complete. Time I moved on into the next one.
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I just wanted to let you know that in the past, I've been on the deep end like you're describing, where I kept obsessing about why I'm still alive and kept looking for methods. :hugtackles: