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Time changes everything, even you.

Discussion in 'Positive Feelings and Motivational Messages' started by Dante, Jun 25, 2016.

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  1. Dante

    Dante Well-Known Member

    This was originally going to be just a lead up to 1 thought but it applied to so much that I am just going to do it section by section in the order it came to me, ignore the bits in bold, they are only so you can skip to the bit you want, they are not part of the flow of the following writing.

    Dont wish to be someone else...
    I have often wished to be someone else, someone who is smarter, stronger, more lucky, more popular and a hell of a lot happier, but around 17 I realized such thinking is just pointless, not just because it does no good to wish for what can never be, but because if I were that person then nothing would change for me, there would still be a me, and still be a them, and we would still both feel the same way we did before.

    You are you, every tiny experience has made you who you are, you can wish to be LIKE someone else, but you can never become them because you have something they can never have, you have YOUR memories and YOUR mind, YOUR experiences, to become them you would have to lose all that and gain all of theirs in which case you couldn't enjoy the experience because you would just be them with all their worries, and wishing to be who they wish to be.

    Dont regret who you were, that person wasnt you...
    Then I got thinking, if every experience makes me who I am, distinct from everyone else, any new experience changes who I am, gives me something the past me didnt have, I am not just the same person with a new experience, I have become a new person, that person may be almost identical to the previous, or could be very different depending on the experience that changed me, so in every moment, in every day, the person you were dies and a new person is born, so never feel bad for past mistakes, you weren't the person you are now, if you regret at all it shows you are not the same person, even if the only difference is that you have decided to be different.

    This idea gains even more weight when you add in Biology. Your cells are actually pretty weak, just by pressing my finger on my keyboard to type a single letter the pressure on my skin destroys thousands of skin cells, the only way you survive at all is because you body replaces destroyed cells as fast as they are lost. Each part of your body replaces these cells at different rates but eventually each part of your body is completely replaced, in fact after approximately 7 years there shouldn't be a single cell in your body left over from 7 years previous, even the material that made your old cells have been expelled and replaced by what you eat and breath meaning there is not a single trace of your old body left, meaning if you dont see someone for more than 7 years, their experiences and biology completely destroy who they were and generate a whole new person, in a way you can see the statute of limitations of guilt as 7 years because in every way that counts, you arent the person who was alive 7 years ago.

    Dont hold grudges for too long, or you will just hate a memory...
    Just as you change from moment to moment, becoming a new person, so does everyone else, that bully that was cruel to you when you were younger, they may not exist anymore, in fact, the guys who bullied me as a kid did so over 8 years ago, they DONT exist anymore, I even met one of their replacements recently, he was nothing like how he was, sure he didnt feel bad about how he treated me, but from his point of view he didnt know what he did was wrong, thats half the reason bullies act that way, because they dont know the harm they are doing, I dont hate my bullies, and I dont hate my dad for how he was when I was growing up, the people I know now are not the people I knew then, they dont act the same, they dont look the same, they arent even made of the same matter. If I were to hate them, I would only be hating the memory of someone long dead who exists now only in the heads of the people who knew them.
  2. Dante

    Dante Well-Known Member

    My advice to anyone who hates themselves:
    Take a moment to find a pen and piece of paper and note down the exact date and time, and put your name under it. Who you hate is you at that point in time, who knows who you will be in the next week or month or year, so pour all your hatred on the person you were at that exact time, distance yourself from that person, hate him for all he has done to you, you are not him anymore, with every passing second become NOT him, hate him with all your heart, just don't hate yourself. Who YOU are changes from second to second, you are not the same person you were when you wrote down that date and time, and with every passing moment this becomes more true, so hate who you were at that moment until the hate dries up and who you were matters as much to you as the shit you scraped off your shoe so many years ago; at THAT time, throw away the piece of paper, because the person you hate is long dead.
    Cariad_Bach likes this.
  3. careyon

    careyon Member

    These are very interesting thoughts. I agree, every second is an opportunity to be better than you were the second before. Learn from the previous second, leave the negative in the past and with the grace of God move on to the next second.
  4. Huw

    Huw Well-Known Member

    I sincerely hope that my question does not cause you offence. Although I've posted it here it is not directed solely at you. The reason it’s here, is that I also commented on your post, the dam is at capacity.

    In this post you have suggested various means to overcome a number of problems. My question is and has to be. If this works then why are you not taking your own advice?

    I've noticed a number of people giving advice and offering comfort. In my mind I cannot fathom why they do so, when they are not, what I would call victorious in life. This is, for some reason called support, but support must be solid. You wouldn’t support a mine with unsound pit props, so why do people give weak and unsure emotional support?

    I had a neighbour who would always stop and give me advice about lawn care when he saw me tending my lawn. This always confused me, because my lawn is a work of art, with never a weed or moss in sight. It was, I thought, obvious that I knew exactly what I was doing. It took me about two years, but one evening while out for a walk I decided to walk past his home to view his lawn. I fully expected to be put to shame by what I would behold. In fact what I beheld was an unkempt patch of weeds with the occasional patch of grass.

    I work in a specific field of legal services and after 14 years I am, through various means, not least experience, qualified to give advice and instigate the necessary documentation to facilitate the advice given. The company I represent charges serious sums of money for the advice I provide. They are able to do this because the advice is solid, is proven and is written into law. In short it works. My expertise is based on knowledge and by asking my clients many questions, some personal, some financial. I am able to apply what the law determines to their specific circumstances and provide uncomplicated remedies for problems they have. It is never a case of try this or try that or this might be a good idea.

    In turn when I need services I always check I'm asking someone who knows what they are doing or talking about. I would never ask a man with a white stick for directions or a drowning man for swimming lessons.

    Having used the UK medical facilities for one on one therapy for stress, manic depression and general feeling sorry for myself. I would never, ever, recommend the service to anyone. Having been prescribed the medication available I would never, ever, advise anyone to go down that route. Hobbies don't work, new careers don't work, positive mental attitude fades and although anything and everything can give respite for a short time. It soon wears off and you are back, indeed further back, than where you started and the disappointment just makes matters worse.

    What is called depression is a very dark place. What people experience is fearful and produces terror in some cases. It is a pit of despair with walls that cannot be climbed. It is like trying to walk through a foot of mud. It’s symptoms cause a weariness that leaves one tired with the constant burden. There is no cure in good ideas, in therapy or medication, because these all address the symptoms and not the cause. Each may, for a brief time, alleviate the depth of the despair, but they don’t and can’t address the root cause of the complaint.
  5. Brittless

    Brittless Well-Known Member

    Just wondering how you define victory? I think being here and alive, looking for support is victory enough for those that are suffering from these thoughts and from depression and many here are on the journey to find happiness or at least meaning in a life that is plagued by misery so to speak. Some here have gotten noticeably better and to ask those for advice that have battled with these problems I think is better than asking those that are ignorant of self suffering. While it may not fix the problem, it can act as a backbone to prop us up during times of despair. Support isn't about fixing the problem. It's about connecting and hearing from others and if their words help, good.
    Jenumbra likes this.
  6. Huw

    Huw Well-Known Member

    Do you really think that anyone is ignorant of suffering? Suffering has degrees, but nobody is immune to it.
  7. Brittless

    Brittless Well-Known Member

    Whether they are or not, my point still stands. Seeking advice from others here is not a bad thing. Those that have gotten to the point of suicidal thoughts have come here and share that in common. Sometimes experiencing the same thing can be comforting, useful, and helpful especially if people are at different degrees of recovery or despair. That's my thought on it.
    Jenumbra likes this.
  8. Huw

    Huw Well-Known Member

    I thought victory was self explanatory. Defeating the enemy. If the enemy is the fears, terror and restraints of black depression then victory over this enemy of the soul is victory indeed. Victory is not the yoyo effect. Victory allows the rule of peace to be apparent, felt and true.
  9. Brittless

    Brittless Well-Known Member

    We have different views of victory. I would think staying alive is one of them for those that are battling suicidal thoughts and each step toward recovery, be that finding support or something else is a victorious battle in itself.
    DarkDays365 and Jenumbra like this.
  10. Huw

    Huw Well-Known Member

    Victory is an absolute and is not another word that this generation can adjust to suit its whims. It is either victory or defeat. I'm aware that in this generation everyone is a hero, but claiming victory, where there is none is a step too far.
    It reminds me of a little girl dancing around claiming I'm a princess, no she is not, unless she is the daughter of royals. Saying or thinking it does not make it so. The same can be applied to victory.
  11. Brittless

    Brittless Well-Known Member

    We are dealing with thoughts and feelings of individuals. Thoughts and feelings that are swayed and influenced by others around them, by the actions of those around them, so saying and thinking these positive things, the ability to offer advice and support is an improvement. People tend to develop these suicidal thoughts due to experiences in their life, many of which others here can relate to or offer advice on, so help/advice for tackling that issue can lead to victory. I'm not saying that people here can 'fix anyone', but I do think they can help them in their journey to victory, acting as a band of soldiers on the road to recovery. I think that dismissing these primary accounts of those that have experienced similar things can be very harmful. And really, what I'm trying to say, is that each and every one of us has our own battle which is why victory is different for everyone. It just so happens that here our battles are similar.

    Also, I would appreciate if you didn't dismiss what I'm saying on the basis that it's a generation thing. That's too easy. Anyway that's all I have to say, I think this thread is now detracting from the main point and we could probably continue this discussion in the soap box.
  12. Huw

    Huw Well-Known Member

    I obviously disagree with everything you say so there is no need to continue here or anywhere else.
  13. Dante

    Dante Well-Known Member

    I understand your skepticism, but you cant see things as so black and white, there is no perfect cure for anything, just ways to fight it, and the advice I offer has worked for me and has stopped things being a whole lot worse for me, they didn't make the sun shine and all my problems go away, but then nothing does, it just helped balance some of the burden I was carrying.

    As for your view that there is either Victory or Defeat, that is completely absurd, there is partial victory, there is compromise, and there is (most importantly) work in progress. There is no victory in life until you die because anything can come along in the next second and beat you down all over again, expecting to be able to reach a point of victory over life is just ludicrous, the best you can do is use any tools you have at your disposal to strengthen your position so that if something does come along to beat you down you can mitigate the fallout or even ride out the storm with little damage. This post is just one of the ways I have used to strengthen my position and weather the storm a little better.

    And trust me, I know about depression, for most of 2010-2011 you couldn't get more than a couple words out of me because I was so deep in my own misery and emptiness that nothing else really registered anymore, and no being happy or just cheering up doesn't work with depression, but effective CBT does, and a big part of CBT is positive thinking, I could go into the science behind it but Im really not looking to get into a long argument in the comments section.

    To sum up, if you are looking for absolutes you wont find them here or anywhere else, there are no absolutes in this life and pretending otherwise is naive, the best you can aim for is "close enough" and if you always hold onto "Victory or Defeat" you will be sorely disappointed.
    Jenumbra likes this.
  14. Huw

    Huw Well-Known Member

    I have my absolutes and because of them I live. There is absolute truth and there are absolute perfections. I have been where you are and know the darkness, fears, tribulation and the anguish, but you have never been and experienced the taste of absolute Light and delight in which I now live.

    Just because you haven't had a taste of this delight doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. Would you insist that Bill Gates doesn’t have any money, just because you haven’t seen and counted it?

    You know there is something drastically wrong, but you don't know the cause of the problem. I know the cause, because the cause was taken away from me. Absolute victory, that satisfied demands, was wrought on my behalf, but until I was presented with the spoils of that victory I could never have believed it nor understood it.

    In this victory I was taken from darkness into light, from death into life. From a place where there is no peace to a place where peace reigns. I did nothing to deserve what I have received. Like you I couldn't have comprehended the cause of all the darkness and the evil that befell me nor the cure. In fact I categorically denied that there could be a cure.

    Nature itself gives proof of absolutes and of contrasts, but like most people you never see them. When a man has his eyes opened he begins to see things as they really are, until then he walks like a blind man at noon day, on a strange landscape. Unable, unwilling and frightened to move.

    I don't expect you to agree or even understand everything that I have said, because for most of my life I knew what you know, but for me things have drastically changed. The rules of this site do not allow me to go into great detail, but I am allowed to plant seeds and so I have.

    I know for an absolute fact that the chains that hold you are secure. That the strength necessary to break the chains is beyond human capacity. I know for an absolute fact that my chains and the chains of others have be broken and we took our first steps of freedom like children in awe of the experience. We rejoiced as we had never, ever rejoiced before.

    I was out on a hike a number of years ago and witnessed a butterfly doing somersaults down the mountain. It was a picture of absolute delight. I then realised that this butterfly was once a caterpillar and just crawled around on his patch of earth eating whatever was in front of him. I then wondered if a butterfly has the capacity to remember his former self?

    What if I spoke to the next caterpillar I saw and explained the process of the metamorphosis that would soon transform him into a beautiful, leam, mean flying machine?

    Would the caterpillar understand? Would he care? Would he deny it and laugh at me?

    I underwent a spiritual metamorphosis. Like the caterpillar nobody could have convinced me before hand. Unlike the butterfly I have the capacity to recall my former self and that is what I am feebly trying to convey. I remember crawling around in the dirt that is this evil world, but now I fly above it. The view from up here is amazing…
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