Time Is Up...Screw waiting..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DragonSong, Nov 11, 2010.

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  1. DragonSong

    DragonSong Well-Known Member

    I have waited and waited so long to get the help I needed...Now they tell me I have to wait three more fricken months before they can get me in?....screw that..I am done waiting...Ive talked and talked till I am fricken hoarse..I cant do this crap anymore...my family whom I thought might care does not seem to care..money is more important than my mental health so what is the point of me being here?..none...I have been giving things away this past week and only have a few things left...I got my will done...letters to my family done...got the means got the plans set...planning on leaving this god aweful place this weekend when I hopefully have everything of mine disposed of...if not it can go in the garbage for all I care........:ghost:
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    in my experience you can jump the waiting list if you are acutely suicidal. sounds like you are feeling pretty awful. can you try and find out about jumping the list? it's great that you sought out help in the first place, i commend you for that. don't give up just yet.
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Best way to jump the list would be to go to ER and tell them you're about to commit suicide...You should get immediate help..
    I hope you don't go ahead with your suicide plans....
    you're a worthwhile person...it's the health system that suks!
  4. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    yeah, going to the hospital sounds good.

    Bad family is a big part of why people become suicidal in the first place. It would be nice if families were always positive and supportive, but I guess that if families were always positive and supportive, people wouldn't become suicidal in the first place.

    I hope that you will be able to get through this.

    I really like your avatar, btw.
  5. DragonSong

    DragonSong Well-Known Member

    yeah I talked to the worker about jumping the list even with my suicidal thoughts but since its a community program and lots of people are feeling like me i cant I have to wait...and I cant go inpatient because then there would be nobody here to watch my son when he gets home from school and then my husband will think he has to come see me everyday which becomes stressful to him and my son that way to...so either way I am screwed...I hate ER's they have no patience for people who want to die...and I think down here in Virginia they are probably no better than wisconsin...
  6. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    they would probably be a lot more stressed if you killed yourself. If you killed yourself, then there would be no one to watch your son.

    It would probably be devastating for your family if you died, even if they are kind of a lame family.

    So I'm guessing that you are waiting to see a psychiatrist, but you might be able to see an md sooner. An md might be able to do something for you. Either give an rx, or maybe do something like check your vitamin d level.

    Getting a half hour of gentle aerobic activity everyday can help with depression. Even just watching a bunch of funny movies can help a little.

    I recommend this book to people often
    "Curing Depression with Traditional Chinese Medicine"
  7. DragonSong

    DragonSong Well-Known Member

    i watch funny movies and i dont laugh anymore...horror movies are fascinting but dull...i cant afford to see a md so thats out...my diabetes is going up and down up and down and that doint help matters...my seizures are starting to happen agian now that i am off meds...so my health is crap...my family would be hurt by me dying but not all of them...some would be relieved...
  8. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    have you looked into getting medicaid?

    sometimes hospitals will offer free care.
  9. DragonSong

    DragonSong Well-Known Member

    No I dont qualify in this state...if I was back in my own yes i would but I am not there...and in this state there is no such thing as free services at a hospital... i got a 5000 dollar bill that says so...so no they dont offer free to us poor people..
  10. Johnnyc

    Johnnyc Well-Known Member

  11. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    Isn't there any kind of charitable aid? That's terrible.
    Right! You're going to have to do it yourself and get practical. I know that sounds impossible but bear with me.
    Firstly, your husband and son need you, so you've got two people to live for. That's important and you need to remember that.
    The family members who'd be relieved by you dying? Screw them. You don't need people like that in your life and they don't deserve your consideration. Stop thinking about them, you don't need them in your headspace.
    So the only people you think about are your husband and son. Anyone else pops into your head - kick them out.
    Then think about what happened 3 months ago. By my reckoning that's August but my meds are quite heavy so I may be wrong.
    Does it seem like a life time since August?
    So now you should be thinking about your husband, your son and August 2010.
    What did you all do in August? In September? In October?
    3 months isn't that long. You've managed to keep going all the way through since August, you can do that again. Stay strong, your family need you. Sending hugs x
  12. DragonSong

    DragonSong Well-Known Member

    I have an appt with a community program that offers free service or a sliding scale but it will be three months before get to go .....so yes I have checked that site and hundreds of others..and the phone book and 211 and all that..so I spent three months looking and came up with one place...but it waiting till then...we have done nothing in three months but argue everyday...just the three of us or me playiing referee..we would go try to do something fun and it would turn into a fight....those two cant go a day without arguing ...I just dont know how to keep going everyday for three months...I want to be with my husband and son but i cant take their crap and they dont get it....sighs...
  13. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    so there is an income cut-off in each state, and you don't meet it in Virginia? It might be worth double checking, because sometimes administrators just have their ass on backwards and give you totally crap information. It's amazing how some administrators can very confidently tell you something that is completely false.

    Relocating to a state where you could get medicaid might be worthwhile, even though I'm sure that would be a big difficulty.

    Could you live with a relative on a short-term basis in a state where you could get health care? Maybe bring your son with you if there is no other option?
  14. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    Does it feel like you've got two children instead of one? My husband and youngest daughter used to be like that. They were both so stubborn that I had to referee constantly. They're just far too alike.
    You need to kick ass with them. Tell them that you're ill and you need support not warfare going on around you. Tap into your inner bitch and make her scream. You're probably dying to scream anyway.
    I don't believe in laying guilt trips on our loved ones, but sometimes they do need to have it pointed out to them that there's a bigger picture going on. Explain, in no uncertain terms, that they are to be on their best behaviour for three months.. Point out that it's not such a long time.
  15. DragonSong

    DragonSong Well-Known Member

    yes it does feel like i have two kids here...and I bitch at them constantly about what they are doing and how its affecting me but it goes in one ear and out the other...yet my hubby says his one fear is losing his family...hmmmm....well sounds to me like he's not to concerned about it when he doesnt listen to me and that I am telling him straight out i dont want to live anymore and that what they are doing is teaiing me apart...so now what do i tell them...
  16. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    Now you tell him to stop living in denial. He's got a wife who is seriously ill and he needs to step up to that. He might be hearing you but he's not listening. Tell him that you're sick of having two kids and you'd quite like to have a husband back. Do whatever you have to do. If you have to, write it all in big letters on the wall. When they start arguing, throw a cup or something at the list and walk out the room. If you do it often enough they'll get the message.
    Tell him that you're sick of bitching at him and you won't be talking about it again. If you've thrown a cup and walked out the room it means he has to read the list.
    You might want to stock up on some cheap cups though:biggrin:
    Stay strong, you've survived three months of hell, you can go on a bit longer, especially if you start letting the anger out. There's a reason we have an inner bitch :girlpower xxxx
  17. plshelpme

    plshelpme Well-Known Member


    call them!
    talk to them!

    your son will miss you, and your son loves you...he should really be the only person in this god forsaken world that matters to you...your son NEEDS you...

    put yourself in his shoes at your funeral...that always stops me...
  18. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    sounds like your hubby and son need to go to counseling....*hug*
  19. DragonSong

    DragonSong Well-Known Member

    yeah i use to throw things all the time got expensive...never thought of using cheap things thou...he says he wants to move back to wisconsin to so maybe it might work then but that may not happen come tax time depends on how much we get back..otherwise it would be another year.....and I did call 1 800 suicide and 1 800 talk...and local crisis numbers...all this week and i was on a online crisis chat with a woman last night in san fransico..thats new..online crisis now..I have thought about my son..he is what has stopped me in the past to..i just hate seeing him suffer with my crap and his dads...and i do want to be here for him...i have just been feeling so out of thought and cant think straight...i want to make it work...im just so tired..and i bitch till the bitching is gone for the time till next time...i bitch for hours at times cause i get sick of it...but thats not good for our son either...sighs...your right thou i have made it this long...three months is a long ways thou i dont know how to make it that far thou..
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