Since I was a kid I can remember how, I was pushed around by assholes at schools, my parents hardly ever took a minute to notice me. From a lot of things, people and happenings in my life, I have saw how you must suck up and kiss ass just to be seen, and that's among both my family AND friends. When i was growing up it was mostly my teachers I went to, my parents were too busy arguing among themselves and being pissed at each other, more then anything I wanted away from them, my dad was too arrogant and proud to want to admit his son has health problems and is going to have a heard time with most things, so my brother got most of the attention, he could play sports, was good in school, I had to work two times as hard in studying just to remember for the test coming up( which is why I hate the idea of going to college)when my brother dropped out and I actually graduated. Right now I am to the point I don' think any of my friends or family give one damn about me, NO ONE bothers to even say hi, when here I am the one doing all the calling trying to have some sort of communication with ppl I thought cared about me..as always I am just a bother, I just want to give up. If I had the money to move away from here, try to start over. I have wanted away from here since I was in High School (class of 95) you got no idea how many ppl in my life have turned their backs away from me. I have always tried to be a good person all my life, I just don't see what purpose that serves anymore, since no one in my life gives enough a care just to say hello even. Shit like this is why I repeat to myself "I hate people." I just do not know what to do anymore:furious:
I truly know how this feels...my neighbors who I have lived next to for over 15 years have not bothered since Sept when I got out of the hospital to see if I am still alive...we had huge snow storms this winter...no call...no concern..and someone who I considered a friend, has also ignored me...it hurts a lot, but I am very glad I am not them...please know that ppl treating you poorly does not reflect you...it is their problems...here's a cyber hug (the best I can do) to let you know you are valued and that you count here...J
Thanks Sadeyes. If there is one fear I have, its being alone for the rest of my life. and whats happening just makes me feel so angry. I have no idea what to do.
Me too hun. I hate the loneliness. Especially when all you see around yourself is people together. Friends hanging out. Couples hand in hand. And me, alone. I cant fathom doing that for the rest of a lifetime. I'm sorry your parents didnt take time out of their self centered lives to show you the attention you deserved. And the problems you are having now because of it. Try to get past it. Try to see yourself as the person you need to be. Confident and full of self worth. Yeah I know easier said than done. But set it as a goal you hope one day to reach. Here if ya need a friend. :arms:
I don't know where to start.. Right now I am so angry at my friends, seems everyone I know, does not want to even bother to look at me long enough to say hi. I am so angry over this, my friends are all I have ever had, now all I have is this damn computer.
With everything, all of this I have said, I just feel I have lost the ability to care about anything, even myself.
